Please help! Children missing family and family missing them

[princess27]

My sons are age nine and seven the eldest has autism and they are both being seen soon by camhs for further work to be done.
My seven year old he is a very clever little boy but is very upset disturbed and will spend periods at a time crying in the toilets when I see him at contact, his behaviour in my eyes is getting much worse!
My nine year old is or was a happy boy who only struggled with work at school now he is behaving like that of a three year old. In work completed by csc my eldest said he wants to see his grandad (my dad) and wants to live with my mum and dad (they were refused as carers as my mum told ss I was a good mum) when the permanency plans come in place this month my children will be separated and put with another family confusing there little heads more.
My Seven year olds behaviour is far the worst I've seen and part if this is because he's confused why he's in care, he also misses family, he's grown a bond with fosters who he's going to be uprooted again and I believe if he's still in the care system for 5 or more years he will be suicidal as he's attempted to jump from things all since being in care, I'm unable to look after my children but my mother and father will, but after 1 appointment with ss she got declined as a carer, my father has always been there taking them to appointments and having them over or taking them to my grandparents home I know my parents will be able to manage this but ss say my parents can't due to age/ won't be able to handle it/ can't see risks but they can, my mother only said I was a good mum obviously I needed improving my home is clean and to a high standard and well furnished and my children were clean polite and happy, but they spent more time at there fathers than mine and he gave the children no manors no positive attitude to things and he's very cold and will not hug children or show any live what so ever, I did I always praised my children but now my seven year old has developed a feeling of self loath and thinks he's ugly, fat and hits himself?

What argument can my parents use, because the children do miss them dearly and havnt seen anybody but me, my partner and siblings and their father in the almost five months since they were taken into care, this has damaged the children and I knows mum and dad are fighting to see them but there solicitor is very very slow in getting things done, they will contest but I'm not sure if they will get far seen as there assesment was a one appointment failure due to them words of good mum. My mum is very stressed at the moment by all this, she saw my eldest be born she helped me bring him up for the first three years and my other son for the first six weeks of his life and now they may never see them again because ss say if they go in longterm foster I will only see them once every eight weeks that's only six times a year, so my mother and father will not even see them half as much as me as I'm priority over them, this is killing them they want to bring my children up they want to be there giving them support they need they are fab people and I had the best childhood and my parents discipline was positive and I was given house rules and taught to respect other people and share this is what I want for my children.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear princess27

Welcome to the parents board!
I am sorry to hear that your parent’s viability assessment to care for your sons may not have been conduted thoroughly. I am glad that they have a solicitor helping them. The solicitor will be able to advise them whether they need to apply to court to be a party to the court proceedings and whether to seek a further assessment. Your parents could also have a look at the friends and family discussion board.
friends and family discussion board
This issue comes up a lot and I know the other grandparents who post on the board will be able to offer advice and support as well.

Grandparents contact
I understand that the plan is for your boys to remain in long term foster care. If this happens, this means that the children services will have parental responsibility as well as you. The care plan for the boys will be reviewed at a meeting regularly (usually every 6 months), by an independent reviewing officer. Please have a look at our advice sheet about
duties to children in the care system which sets out how the plan is reviewed. Such things as contact with you and your partner as well as what contact your sons should have with the extended family will be looked at.
Please also have a look at our advice sheet contact with children in the care system
The law says that children’s services must try to ‘promote’ contact between your sons and their grandparents (and other relatives) unless it is not good for your sons welfare.
Research also a show that in most cases, contact between grandparents and children in the care system is almost wholly beneficial to children.
Your parents could write to the social worker and ask about being assessed for contact. They could also approach the independent reviewing officer (the person who reviews the care plans) as well.
I hope this helps but please post back if you want to.
Best wishes,
Suzie
.