'goodbye' contact

[aisnis]

My 3 children have been in foster care for 11 months, due to the domestic abuse I suffered from their dad.
At the end of this month, they will go to live with their aunt and uncle on a SGO.
The social workers are not recommending they come back to me due to my apparent unmet emotional needs and that I MAY have problems caring for them ans this MAY cause them to have emotional needs!
I have my 'goodbye' contact in a few weeks, and then I will only see them once every 3 month's (which I will be fighting in court)!
My goodbye contact is an hour long! I usually see them for 2 hours, once a week.
I've asked why its so short, and been told because it will be an emotional session for all of us it is better to keep it short.
I completely disagree...surely our last contact for so ling should be at least the normal amou.t if time, to keep it to what the children are used to, and so we fan make the most of our time together.
To me, it just seems that the social are trying to make things hard for everybody. They have even told the aunt and uncle they can not call me to say hi etc, when the children are in their care...they are family for gods sake! They used to moan I'd no support, but bow they are trying to stop the support I.do have!!
Has anyone else had the horrid 'goodbye' contact...how long did you get with your children?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Aisnis

My name is Suzie, one of the Family Rights Group’s online advisers.

I am sorry to hear that you are facing the loss of your children as they go to live with their aunt and uncle under a special guardianship order . It must be a very difficult when you are clearly disappointed about what is being planned for the children.

With regards the goodbye contact, have you considered putting a proposal together about how you could spend this session. Depending on their ages, it may be a good idea to think 2 -3 different activities that you could do together either inside or outside in the community.

This could then give you the chance to extend the goodbye contact, and for Children’s Services to agree to the two hours that you had hoped for. It may be best to discuss any ideas you have with your solicitor first, if you have one.

The main thing is to try to ensure that your last contact is as good quality as possible, so both you and the children can share really positive memories of each other, for one last time before they move to the extended family.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[braveheart]

Hi Aisnis

I feel for you, I have gone through a goodbye contact. I was given 2 hours with my 2 sons but it was because they were being adopted. I never heard of a goodbye contact for children in long term care in this instance a SGO because you are still going to have contact with them and it is not the end of your fight to get them back. I have 3 more children who are in long term foster care and I never had a goodbye contact with them although my contact was reduced to 6 times a year which is once every 2 months for 90 minutes.

I to was told I couldnt have my children returned because I could not meet their emotional needs, and because I had my own emotional issues.. This is a term that the social services like to use too often in care cases if there is no other issue that they can find with the parents and the children such as abuse, neglect, whether it be physical or emotional ('emotional needs' is a wide spread word of variation and meanings and this is never pin pointed with the local authority). As I always said to the social services the only emotional issue I have is you taking my children from me no sane mother in their right mind would not suffer any kind of emotional stress of loosing their children, but if you show this emotion then you are classed as having a problem not just being 'a normal human being with feelings' come on you have just ripped my heart and soul out of me and taken the most precious things in the world to me of course i am going to be emotional.....arghhhh they so know how to twist things and play with your mind.

Sorry to rant on but I have gone through this now for 4 years and I am still fighting to get my other 3 children back well this isn't the end hun, there is always hope and if you can go along with the social services and address the issues that they say you have (even though we know you probably haven't) and have proven evidence that you have resolved these issues. You can then go back to the social worker and state that you have addressed the concerns and issues that they have and you are now ready to apply to get your children back this may mean another assessment maybe a parenting assessment or other test they may want you to do, but believe me this is nothing if you want your children back you will do anything to get them back. I have gone through a parenting assessment when I first lost my children in 2009 and I failed because they said that I could not meet their emotional needs and so that was a good enough reason for them to say that my youngest 2 sons should be adopted and my other children to be with foster carers long term. But my fight is not over yet I have dealt with all the 'issues' the social services have said they were concerned about and I have just finished studying in college for the past 2 years and I am now a qualified Legal Secretary, and the reason I choose this career was because of what I went through with the social services and all the court proceedings and all the lies and deceit that was put forward in the courts by the local authority so they could win. Well let them try now when I go back to court and put my case forward they will not have another thing they can throw at me to say that I am not good enough to parent my children.

My point is this do not give up what ever you do it is not over yet fight fight fight as hard as you can for your child and you will come out on top I promise you.

Keep strong and all the best ((HUGS)) x

[aisnis]

Thank you for your reply.

I agree completely that ss are just using my 'unmet emotional needs' as a scapegoat as there is no other reason to keep my children away from me.
I've tried explaining to them that in the first 2 weeks of them taking my children, not only did i have to deal with that trauma, I had to face the fact me and my partner had split the day before (though it was the right thing it still hard to do) and then 2 weeks to the day my mother died!
No, I'm not feeling emotional social workers after these events Mrs social worker, these are obviously daily occurrences I'm supposed to just accept!!

I've asked so many times to extend my conta t, as an hour with 3 children is little time, especially as it will be 3 months until I see them again...I want to enjoy our time, but also have time to explain what's happening...hard to.do both in 60 mins!!

Well, 3 days until that contact. I know I'm lucky that I will still see them, but the sgo is apparently to keep the bond between parent and child. So much happens in 3 months, will i eben know my children next time?
Will my 6 yr old still be my girly princess?
My 5 yr old still like Ben 10 and power rangers?
My 3 yr old still like peppa pig?

I'm being strong for them...but I have feelings, I can not hide all the time...I'm human after all!