"Radical" court decision

[QuestionMark]

Suzie, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind advising me with the following?

At court, 6 weeks ago, the Guardian was talking about my 'insight'. The judge asked her, both for him and me, to clarify what she meants by 'insight'. She did not. However, what she did say was that it was clear that I "have some insight" but that it "was not indepth enough" but had it been, she would have had "discussions" with me with regards to my son returning to my care.. I guess I was just wondering what your thoughts were on this?

It's been 6 weeks with no answers so, as you can imagine, I'm overthinking everything

[QuestionMark]

Still no sign of a judgement. My legal team have applied to re-open the findings made in my daughters care proceedings in light of my late sons inquest..

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear SunshineStarRainbow

Thank you for your question, it is difficult not to overthink and second guess oneself in times of stress.

Although I cannot give a specific answer to what the guardian meant, perhaps she thought that you showed understanding/appropriate emotional responses to your situation but you may not have shown or have been able to explain (articulate) how you should or could care for your son (in the future). It would have been better for the guardian to say exactly why your insight was not ‘in-depth’ enough and have given your examples of what an in-depth response sounds like. I apologise for the paltry answer, your question is a difficult one.

Thank you for the update regarding your legal team applying for the case to be reopened.

Best wishes

Suzie

[QuestionMark]

Hi Suzie, thank you for the response. I wish the guardian had helped me - evidently I show potential where insight is concerned so surely it is only right I am given help to reach my full potential in order to care for my son?

He's nearly 8 months old and I'm starting to worry it's been too long; he was taken when he was born and has never known me as a main carer and I've been battling to be able to bring him home since before he was born. This has been soul destroying and I could really use some reasurrance that it hasn't been too long..

I've heard nothing from my legal team either and nothing about a hearing date - it's been nearly 2 months since we were last in court for my son's final hearing and nothing..

[QuestionMark]

Two days after my late sons inquest I noticed a transaction with my bank that wasn't me. I reported this to my bank and they that traced the information back to my ex abusers house address and email address. I've now had to contact the police about my ex abuser being fraudulent. Will the social worker find away to use this to keep my children from me? I've had no direct contact with my abuser for 18 months so I have no idea how he's managed to do this

[worriedmumtoo]

Hi It sounds like you have had a tough time , I have had the pleasure of SS for a decade, but have not been in Court like you as I have successfully challenged their views of my parenting as there was no evidence at all.

I don't see why your ex engaging in fraudulent activities should affect your case since you haven't been with him for ages, however if it was to do with any income you both received jointly such as benefits or something you could be seen to be involved with (complicit) you should perhaps try to get some legal advice.

I am rather sad that CS seem so keen on blaming parents, obviously you have to protect your children , but they fail to realise that you are also a victim and essentially the person involved in DV essentially breaks down the confidence of their victim and you end up in such a state that it is difficult to function. I speak as a person who has experienced this, though thankfully we did not have children together.

I think NSPCC making the victim of DV in effect guilty of child abuse themselves is very sad, whilst is essential that you understand that you have to get away from a person that might hurt your kids, it is not that easy, it is support and not punishment that you need. Have to tried to get some support from a DV organisation, I imagine they might be able to support you without making judgements. Also you will need to perhaps to speak to someone supportive over the death of your son.
I would also have a look at the surviving safeguarding blog online it gave me a lot of insight and made me feel less despairing when the social workers were being particularly nasty.

A regards your children, at their young ages I doubt that you will be unable to get a proper relationship with them once it is all over, especially since you now have contact with your daughter. I know its difficult to see that now, but they are unlikely to blame you in the long run. feel free to pm me if you need some support, I know if I had someone to talk to when I was going through it, I wouldn't have felt so devastated and there are too many judgemental people on social media that have no idea what it is like to be in CS's clutches.

[QuestionMark]

Hi, thanks for the response- can't imagine how strong you must be for putting up with this for a decade! This has been none stop for me for nearly 20 months so far and I've lost count of how many hearings there's been. I have no connection whatsoever to my abuser including financially so the fraud was just him - I've contacted the police about it but they are yet to speak with him. In the past I've managed to speak to the women who runs the Surviving Safeguarding page which was really good. I agree that there should be more support in order to prevent crisis point and the focus should be on the perpetrator rather than the victim. I'm waiting on a hearing date now to re-open past findings in relation to my late son and in the mean time I'm desperate for more time with my living children

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Questionmark,

In response to this-
"Two days after my late sons inquest I noticed a transaction with my bank that wasn't me. I reported this to my bank and they that traced the information back to my ex abusers house address and email address. I've now had to contact the police about my ex abuser being fraudulent. Will the social worker find away to use this to keep my children from me? I've had no direct contact with my abuser for 18 months so I have no idea how he's managed to do this"

This is you exe being abusive to you. It may also bring you back into contact with him, during any criminal investigation, so further increase risks to you and your family.
If you have not yet done so, it is my view, that you should let children services know this has happened-as part of you working in partnership with them. However, as you have a solicitor, speak to her about the best way forward.

Speak to the domestic violence support services who helped you in the past. They could advise you about what protection you may need to stay safe. (For you and your family).

Best wishes,

Suzie

[QuestionMark]

Hi Suzie,

Thanks for the reply. I informed the police and they spoke to my ex who stated he knew nothing and it was an accident and so it's now on his record but they can't take it any further.

Can I ask some advice? One of the findings is the 'relationship was unstable and abusive' which I agree, however, because it's none specific to whom the perpetrator was the same judge who made this finding almost seems to mock me (it feels that way) when I try to talk about what happened to me and he wants me to take responsibility. I did use self defense once when I was afraid my ex was going to choke me again and, because I told them of that one occasion and my ex made up a load of false allegations, the court decided we were as bad as each other (which is a myth that Womens Aid are trying desperately to tackle). What can I do about this?

The judge decided on an SGO to my parents as he felt that this case was more about insight, rather than the pool - in particular my insight into how exposure to DV affects children emotionally. I've done a lot of work around this topic and I actually have a lot of understanding and the guardian said herself that if my insight had been better there would have been discussions around my sons return. My legal team also feel thrown as we've been responding to the local authorities arguement which was purely focused on the pool but, as there's been talk of removing me from the pool, i assume that's why it's changing now?

The judges concluding remarks were that 'this does not mean she cannot have a child in her care one day' and so my barritser is going to ask the judge to consider a Child Arrangement Order rather than an SGO. It's like the doors been left open to me just a crack.

[QuestionMark]

I now get to see my daughter every Saturday and Sunday!