What can I do to get my 17 year old daughter to talk to me

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Cc2019
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2019 5:16 pm

What can I do to get my 17 year old daughter to talk to me

Post by Cc2019 » Fri Jan 18, 2019 7:41 pm

Hi this is first time I am posting on here so if anyone can give me advice it will be greatly appreciated.

My 17 year old autistic daughter went into care voluntarily just before Christmas for the first time, then a week later returned to her grandmother's and the social worker said that she is classed as a child in need and a contract was drawn up between social and her grandmother to say she would ensure that daughter did not see or speak to me. This was reviewed three days later and daughter had changed her mind and wanted to see me and her siblings which social worker did not like but had to agree too. Saw my daughter on a regular basis everything was fine. When daughter did return home social worker did not meet with me to discuss how they could would with me and my daughter to ensure that eventually she would return home full-time.

My daughter has returned back into care this Monday again voluntarily saying that something happened at the weekend which the social worker did not go into and I have not asked about. I thought that if I give my daughter the space and time that she will see sense in a few days and come back home but yesterday the social worker said she wanted all her belongings - which I have passed onto the social worker.

Because she is back in care and is now classed as a looked after child, can I demand that I see my daughter supervised by the social worker - do I have any rights at all as my daughter is choosing not to see or speak to me. I rang today and spoke to the social worker who said that my daughter does not wish to see or speak to any family member. I just feel that the breakdown of communication is just going to create a greater crack in our relationship and there will be no coming back from this. She was diagnosed only a short while ago and is struggling with this diagnosis and lashing out and telling lies about me and making this situation much worse for both of us. The previous messages I have read on this board clearly confirm that the social worker is only interested in the child and protecting them, not rebuilding the relationship to try and see why the child does not want to return home and what they can do to help. I am at a loss, this has never happened to me before and I am just so upset and sad.

I have read that there is also a review after 10 days a child has been in foster care anyone had any experience of this to give me any feedback, are parents invited to this or is it all based on the wishes of the child.

Thank you

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4207
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: What can I do to get my 17 year old daughter to talk to me

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Feb 01, 2019 2:42 pm

Dear Cc2019

Welcome to the Parents Forum. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties your daughter has been having. The
National Autistic Society might be able to support you with your daughter’s recent diagnosis of Autism.

You ask about contact with your daughter and the review process (how her care plan is reviewed).

Your daughter is accommodated (in the care system without a court order). Children services have a duty to promote contact between your daughter and her family unless it is not practical or not good for her. This means the social worker should have carried out a fresh assessment when she went back into care which would include taking into account your daughter’s wishes and feeling as well as yours and other members of the family. Her care plan would detail what plan there is for contact. You should ask for a copy of the care plan if you have not yet received it. Because your daughter is 17 she will have a lot of say around her care plan including what are her contact arrangements. You could also ask what children’s services are doing to promote contact.

As a looked after child, her care plan will be reviewed regularly and she will have an independent reviewing officer (IRO) who will chair the review meetings. Their job is also to make sure your daughter's care plan is being adhered to by the social worker. If it isn’t, the IRO can always take matters up with senior managers. So if you are not happy with the arrangements for contact, you could get in touch with the independent reviewing officer.

Please see advice sheet 11-Duties to children in the care system.


You have also raised your concern that no assessment has been done to see what support might be needed to enable your daughter to return home. This should be raised with the social worker as an assessment should take place.
Please see page 8 of advice sheet 17 re-uniting children and families which has tips on arranging a return home.

What age did your daughter first go into care and how long has she been in care? There is a chance she may be entitled to the leaving care support provisions. See our advice sheet 16 Support for young people leaving the care system.

I hope this advice helps. If you need further advice, please post again.

Best wishes,
Suzie

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