Sleepovers

[worriedmum18]

My children are subject to an interim care order which places them at home. They are with their dad 2-3 nights a week and with me, under the supervision of my mum, for the rest of the week.

My almost nine year old daughter wishes to have a sleepover at her friend's house to celebrate their shared birthday.

When we signed the agreement with the LA, we were told this would be allowed as long as we notified the LA and provided names and dates of birth of the adults in the friend's household. This Social Worker told us that the other adults would not be informed and we did not have to tell them unless we want to.

However, our own social worker is now back from leave. When I emailed her with the name, address and DOB, she said the LA would not agree to the sleepover unless DBS checks could be carried out and this would involve seeking the consent of the friend'S mum.

My daughter doesn't want her friends to have this information about her and I forsee that she will be the subject of gossip if they are informed. However, she would be the only girl in her class not attending this sleepover and I see no reason to place restrictions on her normal social life and friendships.

Is there anything I can do?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear worriedmum18

Thanks for your further post.

It is really good that you are able to have your daughter with you even though she is subject to an interim care order.

As your daughter is subject to an interim care order, am I right in assuming that you still have legal representation in the care case which is ongoing? The fact that children’s services have an interim care order means that they can make decisions about where your daughter lives and with whom she has contact. Children’s services shares parental responsibility with you and your daughter's father if he has parental responsibility. Please see our advice sheet with Parental Responsibility

Children’s services have to ensure that it is safe for your daughter as it is their responsibility under the interim care order. This is why the social worker is asking for the details which you have provided. The allocated social worker has said that DBS checks are necessary, you could ask the social worker whether she considers that there are any issues with this family which gives her cause for concern. It maybe that because of the reasons that children’s services became involved is why the social worker wants to be sure.

However, since it has been agreed that your daughter can be in your care but only with supervision suggests that the allegations remain a concern for children’s services.

You may wish to discuss this particular issue with your solicitor so he or she can find out the actual reason behind this.

It maybe that you can have a conversation with the parents with whom your daughter will be staying to explain the situation in confidence. They will have to make up their own minds whether they wish to be involved with children’s services. In any event, I do not think it will be made common knowledge to your daughter’s friends and they may already know about children’s services involvement from your daughter.

A copy of our advice sheet relating to Duties on Children’s Services when children are in the care system which will give you more information regarding children’s services.

I really think it is very important to speak to your solicitor and perhaps the children’s guardian as well to see their views about the request that children’s services is making.

Should you wish to discuss this with one of our adviser, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30am to 3pm.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie