Failed trying to get son back

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saraheve29
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Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2017 9:57 pm

Failed trying to get son back

Post by saraheve29 » Mon Apr 16, 2018 3:04 pm

Hi unfortunately I lost the case the reasons being is because my son has adhd and i have a baby they said i wont be able to look after both on my own. Plus i wont be able to disapline him which was a previous concern but i know i can. I dont know what to do as his self harming and not sleeping because his so distressed and wants to come home. What can I do

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Failed trying to get son back

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Apr 20, 2018 3:37 pm

Dear sarahever29

Thank you for your updating post. I am sorry that you were unsuccessful in your application to have your son returned to your care.

Since you had a barrister representing you, I presume that you were advised whether there were grounds to appeal the judge’s decision. An appeal would be the only thing you can do at the moment but only if there is ground to do so. This means that the judge made a mistake in law.

Unfortunately, you would not be able to make another application to discharge the care order again before 6 months has passed. I think it is really important that you try to reassure your son and let him know that you support the placement where he is now; that you will continue to see him regularly with his sibling but for the moment it means waiting. He has ADHD and, if you cannot manage his behaviour this would make it a harmful situation for your baby. Perhaps if you think about how best to support your son in his placement this might help him to adjust to his placement better.

If your son is self-harming then it would be for children’s services to ensure that he receives the help and support he needs. A referral to CAMHS or any other therapeutic help he might need. Please see our advice sheet relating to the Duties on Children’s Services when children are in the care system

As your son’s behaviour has not, it appears, improved since he has been in care, it will be difficult for children’s services to support a return home. They were of the view that you could not manage him before which led to them taking action. It would be difficult for them to say now that you can manage him and a baby when his behaviour has not really improved. I understand that you think this is because he wishes to return to you but they do have to consider the impact this will have on your ability to safely parent two children.

Whilst I understand that it might be difficult for you, it is really important that you encourage your son as much as you AN to understand the situation he is in. I think if you let him feel that he can come home it will not assist him to settle. That is the best you can do for him at the moment.

It might help if you contact this organisation MATCH (mothers apart from their children)

Best wishes

Suzie

saraheve29
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2017 9:57 pm

Re: Failed trying to get son back

Post by saraheve29 » Sat Apr 21, 2018 6:45 am

Thankyou, i do want my son to settle, the good news is social services are going to have a contact meeting soon, and their going to now invite me to all lac review meetings, when before i was excluded, the parenting assossor and the guardian both agreed i should be having more contact or better contact with him, like taking him out for a day, which my solicitor is going to help me with. I also am going to ask in the rewiew meeting if i am able to work with his phycholigist so perhaps he can give me advice on the best way to support my son. The social worker agreed my son needs to spend more time with me and said he believes he Will come home before his 18, the parenting assossor said i went in to early and if i wait a while and keep up the good work she thinks their is a good possibility of him coming home. I do understand in the meantime he needs to settle in him placement social services have promised me they will never reduce the contact further as they reconise me and my son have a very strong bond. They also said they want to work with me and me to work with them. So i will ressure my son i will never see him less than he is now, that i won't give up but he will have to wait for the meantime. I hope to work towards him coming home. And learn more about his condition and try to work with his phycholigist of this is allowed. What do you think, Thank you.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Failed trying to get son back

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:15 am

Dear saraheve29

Thank you for posting again. I am very pleased for you that children’s services recognises that there is a strong bond between you and your son and will be increasing contact. It is also good news that you will now be able to attend looked after child (LAC) review meetings as this will be an opportunity to discuss how your son is getting on. You will feel more included in decisions being made about and for your son.

It is a good idea for you to get tips on the best way to support your son and work with children’s services. Discuss with the social worker the possibility of meeting the psychologist working with your son so that you can get a better understanding of his condition and how you can help him to adjust to his present situation.

You have now, it seems, come to understand that it will take time and work to get to the point where it may be possible for your son to be rehabilitated to your care. This is a major step for you and one which I think will be helpful to you and your son. Enjoy the contact that you will have with your son and help him to understand that it may take time to change things but that you are going to work with the social worker and everyone concerned to help and support him in the meantime.

The very best of luck to you and your son and I really hope that in time things will work out the way you would like it to. Keep working with children’s services towards a good outcome.

Best wishes

Suzie

saraheve29
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 27, 2017 9:57 pm

Re: Failed trying to get son back

Post by saraheve29 » Thu Jul 26, 2018 10:28 pm

Hi I need help discharging a care order, I have adressed fully all of the concerns and managed to keep my daughter in my care with no order. I went to court in January and the parenting assessor said because i have autism I won't be able to handle two children at two difrent ages because of multi tasking I'm now going to do theraphy to work on multi tasking. My son is 11, yet the parenting assossor did not have knowledge of autism and the parenting assessor who previously assessed me for my baby who did specialise in autism said my autism is so mild it won't effect my parenting I wish she would of assessed me instead as she had a better understanding of me, My son is traumatised being in care and still doesn't understand why, he has adhd mildly as it says in a recent report. I am now doing a adhd training course. I know my son more than anyone and i know I can parent both of my children. He wants to return desperately I need help in trying to get him home. Or to know the best root to do so i see him for 2 hours every 6 weeks that the parent assossor and the guardian didn't agree, everyone says it's no fault of my own his in care and i have done so much. I've kept my daughter in my care 16months with no order, yet I'm not allowed to see my son even unsupervised it doesn't make sense. Any advice guidance would be much appreciated.
Thanks

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Failed trying to get son back

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 30, 2018 5:38 pm

Dear saraheve29

Thank you for your further post.

I see that you are still very anxious to have your son home and to discharge the current order.

Whilst it is understandably that you want to have your son home with you, it is important that you give consideration to the recommendations that were made by the person who carried out the assessment and was of the view that now is not the time for your son to return because you may have difficulties dealing with the two children’s competing needs. You say that you are undertaking a course relating to ADHD and also to look into having therapy as suggested.

It is important that you concentrate on doing the things that will put you in a better place to have your son home. The position remains the same as the advice given in previous posts it will be for the judge to make a decision on the evidence before the court whether the care order should be discharged. You have had advice from a barrister and your solicitor but you are finding it hard to accept that advice.

Please read our advice sheet relating to Reuniting children in the care system with their families. Have you been able to address the concerns that led to the court deciding that your son should not be in your care? If not, there would be little point in making an application to discharge the care order until you have done son.

You say that the Guardian thinks you should be having more contact with your son. Why does children’s services think this is not appropriate? As previously, advised you could make an application for increased contact if children’s services will not agree it. Please read our advice sheet Contact with children in care.

I think it would be best for you to complete any courses or therapy first and try to take account of the concerns that children’s services have about you looking after both children. You have been very focussed on having your son home so may not be taking on board fully these concerns and that, in turn, may be the reason they do not think you are ready to have him home because you are not demonstrating sufficient insight into their concerns and his needs. You ought to consider his needs over and above your wish to have him home now.

There is very little that I can add to the previous advice that you have been given in previous posts about applying to discharge the care order. I suggest that you read the judgement given by the judge when the care order was made as well as the assessment report and any other psychological or other reports that have been prepared. Make sure you fully understand the concerns and worry about your son returning to your care at this time. The solicitor has advised you and he or she knows your case and have all information relating to your case

It may be that you decide to make the application to discharge the care order but if you have had a negative assessment you may not get legal aid to do so.

I understand that it is important for you to have both your children with you but it is also important that you understand their individual needs as they grow and develop.

Should you wish to discuss your situation with an adviser, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

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