Removal at birth need advice

Heartbrokenmom1606
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 6:02 pm

Re: Removal at birth need advice

Post by Heartbrokenmom1606 » Mon Jul 30, 2018 8:41 pm

So i am still waiting for my assessment to begin. It's been 6 weeks since we was granted an ISW in court I got the call today to say it will be starting next Tuesday. Even an ISW who is getting £50 per hour can't stick to the timeframe it's a joke. Now my social worker is saying she regrets putting a bad first assessment of myself and partner and can see the change now she has got to know us. Too late now! She's trying to be my best friend but I can see straight through her. I am just doing whatever I can to keep them sweet. I am doing everything I possibly can. I never miss a contact I attend all his health appts, he will be going on his 3rd holiday in a couple of days which I haven't once kicked off about I know it's in his best interests to be with his carer who might I add is absolutely amazing and also has our backs all the way. I wouldnt put him into respite for my own selfish needs. In answer to the questions about me being with another partner ect it would still affect me being able to keep a baby even if I was with another partner who had never had any social services involvement the system is well and truely ******. Yes I was in a bad place 8 years ago but if society can accept that crack heads and murderers can change how can they not accept people who have had some **** situations and bad times in regards to their children change too. I'm lucky with my guardian who is also backing me as the judge will never go against her/him. I take my son out in the community whenever I want to, i am just about to stop breastfeeding him as I can't keep up with his demand for milk but he is nearly 4 months so I have given him the best start considering the situation. I am also back in court October for my IRH I just hope we can all agree he is to come home. They said 2 weeks before my due date that they were going for removal at birth which upset me to the point i was hospitalised due to stress. They were notified at 12 weeks pregnant yet did not one assessment of myself or partner or family. I will never trust a social worker as long as i live but i know when i need to kiss arse and jump through their hoops. I also put a complaint in when i was 8 months pregnant in march and are still awaitng a responce even though procedure is 14 working days and I've chased it up multiple times. In regards to case law RE:J we are using that against social services as all they have is this Lancashire finding which cannot be used as evidence that another child will come to harm seems as it's based on probabilities and there was 3 of us in the pool. SunshineStarRainbow my heart goes out to you in regards to your son. Sending so much love your way! If any of you ladies need to talk I am here it's a vile situation to be in and ladies like us need to stick together. I don't socialise with nobody for fear of judgement. It's horrible! X

SunshineStarRainbow
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:10 pm

Re: Removal at birth need advice

Post by SunshineStarRainbow » Sun Aug 05, 2018 7:49 pm

It coming up to a year since he passed away and this month is proving harder for me than I’ve ever imagined.

I’ve put an appeal in to try and get the court order varied and myself removed from the pool because every single person I speak to just cannot understand why the judge left me in the pool - we all know in our hearts and guts that my ex hurt my son.

I found out 2 weeks ago that my unborn son is going to be taken straight into foster care which is killing me; I’m coming up 38 weeks pregnant and even the social worker kept telling me that my daughter will be returned and I’ll have my new baby and they’ll be out of my hair and all of a sudden I have to sign my unborn son over to them. So not only is this month the anniversary of my sons death and my daughter being taken but they’re also taken my unborn baby too and I’m just so scared. My midwife even told me last week that she didn’t know that that was the plan and the hospital hasn’t been informed either as the social worker has failed to inform anyone so I could literally go into labour right now and I have no idea what’s happening, nor do the medical team!

I’ve pleaded with the social worker countless times to see if there’s anything at all I can do, any courses, anything and she just dismisses me and says “we have no issues with how you parent” as I have a positive parental assessment. So I’m like but there clearly is an issue so let’s address it and do what we can to keep my family together and I reiterate that I will do anything, I will move into supported lodgings or move in with a family member so there’s an extra pair of eyes around to keep an eye on me and the social worker just smiles in a really condescending manner and says “I know” but then doesn’t give me the tools I need to make sure I can have a family!

What’s even more frustrating is that she keeps telling me I “can have a family one day” or “have more children in the future” like saying my current children don’t matter or are replaceable and it breaks my heart. They have no issues with how I parent but they won’t let me be a parent.

My son died in my ex’s sole care from positional asphyxia because my ex left him face down on the floor crying, he told the police he left him “screaming” but, to quote my midwife “he’s walking around getting away with it while you’re having to deal with this”. I’m loosing my babies because of him and everyone knows it and social services are just letting it happen and ignoring my willingness to do anything I possible can to keep my children.

This just is not a just justice system. :cry:

SunshineStarRainbow
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:10 pm

Re: Removal at birth need advice

Post by SunshineStarRainbow » Sun Aug 05, 2018 7:58 pm

I was wondering, Heartbrokeonmom, how have you managed the breast feeding? I’ve wanted to breastfeed my son but since learning that they’re taking him I have no idea how I’m meant to be able to give him the best start

Heartbrokenmom1606
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 6:02 pm

Re: Removal at birth need advice

Post by Heartbrokenmom1606 » Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:51 pm

We have been told exactly the same crappy excuses. That It's not our parenting that is the problem. It's all based on probabilities of risk. All they need is a 51% probability and they can take every child you ever have away. It breaks my heart that we have to go through this yet I know many terrible mom's who have no involvement at all. The system is a joke! All you can do is keep fighting and jumping through what ever hoops they make you. Do you have a good solicitor? Mine is fantastic to be fair. I'm hoping when we go back to court next month as it's been pulled forward they will start rehabilitation home.
I had 4 days with my son before they took him from me. They are saying I can't see my daughter's I can't even send them letters even though they are asking for me. I can't describe how much I hate social services.
In regards to breastfeeding I started as soon as he was born. Have they said what the plan is? Are you going to be able to keep little one with you for a day or two? Make sure u tell your social worker you intend to breastfeed. They CANNOT refuse this as it's an injunction on your child. They have to facilitate it. I did it for the 4 days while I had him with me in hospital then continued to pump using an electric pump while at home to keep my supply up and every time I had contact which I've had 5 times per week since he was born. They tried to lower my contact but his guardian was against it as I was breastfeeding him so I've managed to keep it at 5 times per week. I have a good relationship with his carer so she has all my expressed milk to give him when he's not with me. Definitely breast feed if u can hun. It will give u more contact time with your little one until this is all over and you prove the bastards wrong and your baby comes home to you.
They literally have nothing but past history from 8 years ago on me so our argument is look at how much I have changed since then. Even the guardian is in favour and saying we deserve a chance. Fingers crossed all goes well next month.
It's so emotionally draining I cry most days I just miss him so much.
No matter what you will get through this and always keep a positive mindset even on your darkest of days. Work with everyone even when you feel like screaming at them.
I am here if u need anything at all. It's hard as it's so lonely being in this situation when everywhere you go there's happy family's

Heartbrokenmom1606
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 6:02 pm

Re: Removal at birth need advice

Post by Heartbrokenmom1606 » Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:57 pm

If they try to refuse u breastfeeding say you will be putting a claim in against his human rights. I have done so much research into all of this that's all I do with my spare time. They even put into their reports that I am apparently too scripted because I am self taught as they refused any courses for me yet penalised my partner for not doing what I did and learning. Also look up case law RE:J. Read through it. It's a law that came in a few years ago which states being in a pool of perpitrators cannot be used as evidence that another child you have in the future will come to any harm. So they are left with nothing on you. Your situation is so similar to mine. Parenting isn't an issue it's risk because of this pool of perpetrators and because there was 3 of us and I have no solid answers. As soon as I threw RE:J into the mix they had to go back and rethink what they was saying and my social worker hated it!

SunshineStarRainbow
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:10 pm

Re: Removal at birth need advice

Post by SunshineStarRainbow » Tue Aug 07, 2018 7:58 am

Thank you so much for all the advice! I will definitely make sure I can breastfeed but no, I have literally no idea what the birth plan is or how long I get with him. The communication is terrible.

My solicitor isn’t very good to be honest, I thought he was, he’s always been very compassionate and listened to what I had to say but when it came to the fact finding there was so much vital evidence that I asked them to use and they didn’t which is why I’m appealing. Even my barrister and solicitor themselves have said they wouldn’t blame me if I went somewhere else!

I looked for Safeguarding courses online and found one by the NSPCE for £20 which I’ve done since they keep telling me there nothing I can do.

I really hope everything goes well for you & I’ll be thinking of you, you’re doing a remarkable job

SunshineStarRainbow
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:10 pm

Re: Removal at birth need advice

Post by SunshineStarRainbow » Sun Aug 19, 2018 10:34 am

Hi,

There seemed to be a few of us who have been experiencing similar things so I thought I’d come back here to update you.

I saw my midwife on Thursday 16th, I was 39 weeks pregnant and she said that there was still no sign of a birth plan from my social worker! The two midwives who have been the most involved with me did a back and forth, discussing how wrong this all is and how the social worker should be keeping my family together and how they cannot believe my ex hasn’t been charged!

I told my midwife that I desperately want as much time with my son as possible once he is born, obviously, but also that I want to breastfeed so that’s why as well. My midwife advised that they have a meeting due on the 21st, two days before my due dates, and she’ll push for that for me.

But at 12:30am on Saturday 18th, I went into labour and he’s here and he’s perfect and it’s soul destroying that I can’t take him home and literally no one at the hospital knew what was going on because there was no birth plan so my poor baby boy is in the special care unit away from my and his dad (who is not the same man who hurt my late son & also innocent).

A man from social services came in to get us to sign a section 20 & we explained everything to him; how there’s no issue with how I parent but because my ex hurt my late son were in this awful situation, how I’ve offered to move in with my sons dad or a family member because they just want an extra pair of eyes on me, how I’ve offered to do courses etc and everything was being dismissed. This man noted everything down and agreed with me when I said foster care should be the last resort; the exact same thing my midwife said. He was even shocked to see my sons dad with me as he said our social worker told him that my sons dad wanted no involvement, which is an utter fabrication.

I really hope that man does something with the notes he took. The best the hospital have been able to do is give me about 2 hours with him and they’ve given me a machine to express </3

Any advice?

I hope everything is going well for all of you

Heartbrokenmom1606
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2018 6:02 pm

Re: Removal at birth need advice

Post by Heartbrokenmom1606 » Sun Aug 19, 2018 10:09 pm

Firstly i am literally breaking my heart for you right now. I completely understand how much it breaks you physically, mentally and emotionally! I actually hated being alive when he was took from me i had to seek help as my depression reared its ugly head again. It was exactly the same with me hun nothing in place for birtheven though my midwife and health visitor we there saying he should be coming home with us! Quick enough saying removal at birth but no plan in place. Did you sign the section 20?
I don't want to upset you babe but I will not lie to you either like all these so called professionals do and will do. You shouldn't have signed that, refused altogether as that is basically your signing your son into voluntary care, your solicitor should have advised you this! You was right when u said your solicitor isn't great. If you hadn't have signed that they would have had to go to court to get a court order in the interim to get your son. My social worker even said to me I'm not even going to disrespect you by even asking if you would. She knew there was no chance i would sign it. Hence I got 4 days in hospital. They had no idea he was even born and nothing is done on a weekend in my area.
Now you have to focus on getting your son home. My best advice I can give is keep a diary also. I did and still continue to do. Every time you have an appointment with anyone, anytime they are late and don't show up, what is said in the meeting, any inconsistencies at all. Be on their case about everything! I mean look at the fact they have messed up all pregnancy and then made out like your sons father isn't involved. You must keep records of it as they will never admit their mistakes and they hold the power. No one believes a word we say until I bring out my diary. I also prefer to do communications with professionals via text or email so you have some visual proof of what was said. I've got my social worker lying and all kinds via text.
Did you manage to latch your son on to you at all to breastfeed? Even if not do it every chance you get feed him from you and don't back down! Tell them you will be breastfeeding and they have to accommodate this as it's against his human rights if they dont. Start using your manual pump every 3 hours even throughout the night to keep your supply up. I won't lie it's hard work but worth it for your son. Get some breast milk bags from Asda or Tesco, most places sell them. Date and time them too. And a cool bag with some freezer blocks to transport your milk. Show these fuckers u mean business and you won't back down! Have they mentioned how much contact you will be allowed? Please keep strong for your son you can do this and you will prove them wrong and he will be home before you know it! My sister in law gave me some good advice which really helped. She said I know it's always going to be with u the time you have lost and all you have had to go through but he will never remember being away from you once he's home, he will never know any different. Which is so true. I have 4 weeks left till I'm back in court with my final assessment finishing the 13th of September. I've had 2 sets of assessments as the social services screwed the first one up. Half of these social workers couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery!
You know where I am if u need anything at all and you are more than welcome to private msg me on here if you need to. If u need to talk any time day or night I'm here hun. Please keep strong your not alone although it feels that way you have people like me all over the country going through this. X

Daisy111
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Oct 07, 2018 8:42 pm

Re: Removal at birth need advice

Post by Daisy111 » Wed Oct 10, 2018 2:28 pm

Wow how incredibly heart breaking! I'm so sorry about your situations ladies. I see the system is still as corrupt as it was 7 years ago! I don't know how these SW's sleep at night. I really hope you were all able to be reunited permanently with your babies, and I take my hat off to you all for fighting the system. Personally I don't think I'm strong enough. They broke me completely 7 years ago when they took my 6yr old daughter from me and had her adopted. No support from them whatsoever. Infact quite the oppersite! Completely vilified and lied about but I must of been an easy target for them at the time.
I'd love to hear how you guys are doing! Your journeys are inspirational!

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