will i get them back

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Joined: Fri Mar 02, 2018 12:30 pm

will i get them back

Post by terrifiedmummy » Fri Mar 16, 2018 11:01 pm

in january i had been at the doctors and left my kids with my husband. i came back and my newborn was highly distressed. nothing could settle him. (all week he had been coming out in purple marks, i phoned nhs 24 and was told not to worry). i rushed him to the doctors and when i got there they found injurys. he had significant rib fractures and also signs of sexual abuse. my husband (who i have now left) admitted to causing the rib injurys but wont admit to the other abuse.

they then proceeded to check my other children and found that my other son also had healed rib fractures. which my ex has also admitted to causing.

social services are saying i never sought medical advice for my older son when he had the fractures but i didnt know. i had him at the hospital 5 times in 2016 with purple marks which the hospital said were petichial rashes and put it down to infections. i also rushed him to the doctors once as i had a lie in and heard him screaming. when i went down my husband had said he had been straining to poo and my son had burst all the blood vessles in his face. when i took him to the doctors the doctor said that it could have been a cause so obviously i trusted this.

my husband has now turned and said that he had caused it and that was when he broke my sons ribs.

my kids have all been taken off me which i totally understand as they clearly werent safe and my son could have died with the injurys he had.

has anyone been through a similar situation and got their kids back? my youngest is now only 14 weeks and my heart is breaking.

i only get 3 days a week with them for an hour and an extra hour added onto two of the days with my youngest to keep a bond.

there sending me for parenting capability assessments which im happy to do.
ive also been looking into other parenting courses to show im willing to do everything i can.
ive joined a domestic abuse course as ive been told that the way my husband was with me was domestic abuse. i just didnt think it was as he never physically hit me.
i need my babys back :(

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Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: will i get them back

Post by k1212 » Tue Mar 20, 2018 1:39 pm

Hi, this might not be much help but i have been in a similar situation and i know the pain youre feeling. When my daughter was 11months old i rushed her to the docs as she had purple marks on her face, i was arrested and so was my boyfriend at the time (not babys dad) a few days after he was arrested he threw himself under a train, he survived but with life changing injuries and brain damage and because of that in court there was not enough evidence to say who did it, at the finding of fact hearing the judge said i 'failed to protect' as i 'must' have seen or heard something which i did NOT!!! As you were saying u were not aware of the injuries, i said this the whole way through which is the truth and ss told me to say that i had heard/seen something and i would get her back. I told her im not making up something that did not happen because if i did see/hear anything i probably would of hurt him myself and would have called the police. At the final hearing my daughter went to live with her dad, one of the reasons being is that they thought i was not telling the truth, in the words 'I MUST HAVE HEARD OR SEEN SOMETHING'. She is now 6 and a half and still lives with her dad and the pain does not get any better, if anything it gets worse every day that goes by knowing that i have missed so much of her life.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: will i get them back

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Mar 21, 2018 1:59 pm

Dear terrifiedmummy,

Welcome to the Parents Board. I am so sorry to hear about the abuse your children suffered and that they are now in foster care.
I assume that care proceedings have started. Is that the case?

During the care proceedings, the court will be deciding what harm each of your children might have suffered and whether you could have also caused the harm, or be involved in some way, or have known about the abuse but failed to protect your children.
There will be a fact finding hearing so the court can try and find out what happened.
In this hearing, the court will be hearing the evidence and then deciding on the balance of probability (ie 51% you were involved or knew about dad being abusive to 49% you did not know). So getting a finding of fact is easier than getting a conviction in the criminal court.

Because the care proceedings are about non-accidental injury to your children (as well as sexual abuse and domestic violence) and this will involve medical evidence, I strongly recommend that you have a solicitor who has a lot of experience in non- accidental injury cases. They do not need to be in the same area as where you live. They will be more adept at dealing with the medical evidence which is likely to be complex.
Here is some information about how courts deal with non- accidental injuries.

After the fact finding hearing, there will be another hearing to decide where your children will live.

First they will look at you, as mum. Can they return to you? Will it be safe and can you parent your children (who themselves may have complex needs-due to the abuse suffered).

The assessments of you will be looking at your parenting capacity so anything your solicitor recommends, including the domestic violence programme, you should do. Because your son has suffered sexual abuse you could also look at the Lucy Faithfull Foundation, Parents Protect website or call the helpline about courses and support for you and your son. Here is some information about assessments. .

What support do you have in your friends and family network? You could ask for a Family Group Conference to look for support to help your children to come back to you. The FGC can also be used to find family and friends (connected people) who could care for your children if the court decides that they cannot return home to you. Here is our advice sheet about Family Group Conferences.

Second, if your children cannot return home to you, is there anyone in your family or friend’s network (or dads) who could care for your children until they are adults? This can be distant relatives. If there are people, you should give their contact details to your solicitor as they will need to have an assessment.
Third, if the court decide that your children cannot return to the family, then the courts will order a care order where there may be a plan for adoption (more likely for younger children) or long term foster care.
Here is our advice sheet about Care (and related) proceedings.

Children services only became involved recently. So there are a lot of assessments to take place before the court can decide where your children will live. The level of contact reflects this. So your baby does need to see more of you, so that he can bond with you. But the lower levels for your other children reflect the unknowns of this case. Here is our advice sheet about Contact with children in care
If you have any questions, please post back.

Best wishes,


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Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 11:57 pm

Re: will i get them back

Post by SM23 » Wed Mar 28, 2018 7:30 pm

Hi there i was exhausted and on medication where one of the side effects were drowsiness. This affected my care for my 7 year old son and 4 year old daughter as I was falling asleep and being late for school and nursery. I took them to my parents for a week so I could rest on ss advice. I kept in touch with ss and the weekend I was due them home ss took them and put them in care. Without my knowledge i have done everything they have asked and more and still they won't give me my children home I need help and my children are breaking their hearts. They are on a compulsory supervision order

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: will i get them back

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Apr 04, 2018 4:56 pm

Hi SM23,
I have answered your questions on your other post. if you have any questions, please post back.


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