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Worried if I'm making the right decision

Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 9:39 pm
by saraheve29
Hi my son went into foster care August 2016, while I was pregnant, since then I've made some many changes in my life and I've been able to sustain them, I have my daughter with me because of this who is 10 months under a supervision order finishing this july. I have recently gone to a solicitorspecific who said I can apply for my son to come home under a supervision order,
I went to court today, and was told from the barrister that because myou daughter is on a supervision order I should go back in July once it's Finnished, I was upset as this would make 2 years without him. He misses me very much and wants to come home and my daughter is thriving in my care, so I said no I want to proceed, now I'm worried I've made the wrong decision. And scared. I'm going to have a parenting assessment from a lady who gave me a parenting assessment for my daughter and I was positive.
But I'm doubting myself and I don't know what to do, any advice please.

Re: Worried if I'm making the right decision

Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 9:40 pm
by saraheve29
Should I proceed even if my daughter is still on a supervision order I was granted legal aid.

Re: Worried if I'm making the right decision

Posted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 6:31 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear saraheve29

Thank you for posting again.

I am pleased that you worked hard to make changes which resulted in you having your baby daughter in your care under a supervision order. Well done.

Turning now to the worry you have regarding your son and whether you should continue with your application to discharge the care order to have him home, I think it important that you consider that you were able to keep your daughter because it was considered that you would be able to care for her. There would be additional concerns as to whether you are now ready to care for both children.

I can understand your concern if were to take the advice given by the barrister to wait until July when the supervision order expires. You really want to have both your children with you. However, it might work in your favour to wait as it could show that you are considering the needs of both your children. In the meantime, you could ask that your contact is increased with a view to working towards your son being rehabilitated home.

I think it might be helpful if you read our advice sheets relating to the duties that children services have when a child is in the care system and reuniting children with their family reuniting children with their family . These will give you more in depth information about the best way to go forward.

You have legal aid for your application so it appears the application for legal aid was granted both on the financial eligibility and the merits test. This means that it was considered that there was a likelihood of success. However, it is the court that will make the decision about discharge of the care order and the judge will have to be sure that it is better for your son to be in your care than foster care.

The court has directed that a parenting assessment is carried out regarding your application and the assessor will be considering whether it is in your son’s interests to return to your care. A positive assessment for a baby will be different in some ways. I say this because with an older child his needs will be different and he may exhibit more challenging behaviour. Whether you are able to cope with their differing needs will be an important factor.

It is of course your decision if you continue with your application others can only advise you.

You have made the decision to proceed so I think you should focus on the assessment to be done now rather than worry about the decision you have made.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser about this situation, feel free to call our confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays)

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes


My views are being ignored

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:48 pm
by saraheve29
HI my son is in foster care for over a year now. My 10 month daughter is on a supervision order soon ending in July.
I have made so many changes and have addressed all previous issues, yet social services for my son was not even made aware of the progress I've made.
I am kept away from all lac review meetings and receive the minutes always months later,
I feel full confident about meeting both of my children's needs and have proof of family support.
I am currently undergoing discharge care proceedings for my son.
Yet all of the drastic changes and improvements I've made my son's social worker has said theirs no plans of him coming home. And now he has reduced contact from monthly to Every 6 weeks.
I can't sleep and I'm in despair. Why after all the changes I've made they still cannot consider him coming home. And why am I allowed to be alone single parent of a 10 month baby yet not allowed to even be alonely with my 10 year old boy.
I'm confused and in greif, it hurts so much please may you advise me.

Re: Worried if I'm making the right decision

Posted: Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:34 pm
by saraheve29
Even though I want to fight for my son is may just wait until July to fighthe for him. It's hard for me as we both desperatly want to be reunited again. But my own barrister has no faith I'll win while my daughter is on a supervision order even though I was granted legal aid. What do you think

Re: Worried if I'm making the right decision

Posted: Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:58 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear Saraheve

Thanks for your further post.

I do not think I can add anymore to the previous response regarding your application to discharge the care order for your son.

I suggest you think carefully about the advice that you have been given by your legal representative who is best placed to advise you on the possible outcome of your application since he or she has all the information regarding the case.

Whilst I understand that you are anxious to have your son back in your care, it is important that you consider how a failed application will be for you. Continue to have good contact and hopefully your son and his sister will get to know each other over time which will be best for both of them and you if and when he returns to your care.

The final decision whether or not to continue with the case now is yours and the matters which you have to take into account have already been given to you in an earlier response to your post.

Your barrister, as I have said is best placed to advise you and you may wish to discuss it further with him or her and also with your solicitor so you are absolutely clear how to move forward.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser you can of course telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

Best wishes


Re: Worried if I'm making the right decision

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2018 8:50 pm
by saraheve29
Hi Suzie
I need somone to talk to, i failed the parenting assessment dispite technically passing it as they said i have got good enough parenting skills and my home is satisfactory, they said they feel i can not look after a baby, shes one now and a 10 year old at the same time because im autistic. I dont agree with this and feel they are treating me autism as if one shoe fits all. How can i fight against it though. My dad has reluctantly agreed to apply for guardianship so at least he can be in the family, which the parenting assessor agreed will be in my sons best interest but now my dads acting very distant from me. But i feel he is my last hope to at least get my son out of care which my son desperately doesn't want to be in care and doesn't understand it. He has adhd and they feel im unable to care for his complex needs having a baby. So i need my dad to apply my last hope. But my dad is being so distant. Im due to have a hair strand test for cannabis and although i know this will be negitive im thinking whats the point ive already lost. I havnt seen the guardian yet but of course shes going to agree with the assossor.
Im feeling depressed and alone i have no friends and noone to talk to. I feel im loosing hope. Any advice please

Re: Worried if I'm making the right decision

Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2018 8:53 am
by saraheve29
Hi do you think i should get anouther opinion. As i feel a lot of things were misinterpreted due to my autism. When i had a assessment for my baby the assessment was positive i think mainly because the assessor was a specialist in autism. Do you think i should find her snd pay for it myself. Do uou think the court will except a second opinion. A lot of things in the report was misinterpreted. Like when i asked my son to feed my daughter a bottle while i opened a hot oven. And they said if he was returned he will be a carer this is not true. Please advise me

Re: Worried if I'm making the right decision

Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2018 5:55 pm
by Suzie, FRG Adviser
Dear saraheve29

Thank you for your further posts.

I am sorry that although your parenting assessment was positive in some aspects children’s services still do not consider that you would be able to cope with looking after both your children.

In your post you say that your father is considering applying for special guardianship. Is there an agreement with children’s service that they would support the care order being discharged is your father has a positive assessment to be a special guardian? Was a decision made in these terms at the last looked after child (LAC) review? Since your son is in care has any plan been agreed for your son to have more contact with his grandfather?

Whilst I can try to understand how you feel about not having your son with you, I cannot say why children services have taken the view they have. They have all the information about your case and are aware of your son’s needs.

You said in previous posts that you had been advised to wait until July before making an application to discharge the care order. Is it still your intention to make an application? If the matter is in court it may be possible to ask for an independent assessment to be done by someone who understands autism as you say. Getting a report without the court’s agreement is unlikely to be helpful. I think you should discuss this further with your legal representatives.

Why do you think you father is being distant if he has already agreed to put himself forward? Is there any reason why he did not come forward when the care proceedings for your son was ongoing? I do not think you should give up hope as you say. You still have your daughter to care for and although it is hard for you at the moment you are having contact with your son and him with his sister.

I do not know enough about your diagnosis of autism to comment on whether you can or cannot manage to look after both your children. Your son has a diagnosis of ADHD and, as such his behaviour may become more challenging as he gets older. What’s your support network is like is it just your dad or are there other family members or friends?

It would not be considered appropriate for you to ask a child to feed a baby. You need to consider what help you would have to ensure that your son would not be caring for his younger sister. Children’s services would be very concerned about the impact taking on a caring role would have on your son.

At the end of the day it would be the judge who makes the final decision if you were to make an application to discharge the care order and for a special guardianship order to be made in your father’s favour.

I think it is really important that you meet with your solicitor who knows your case to discuss the options that you have.

You may already have our advice sheet about reuniting children with their family, if not, please read this for more information.

You may wish to telephone the advice line on 0808 801 0366 to speak with an adviser. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

Best wishes


Re: Worried if I'm making the right decision

Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2018 6:53 pm
by saraheve29
Hi Suzy thanks for your reply, my son is 10 and i asked him to feed my one year old daughter milk from the bottle while i checked on the hot oven. I didnt know this was appropriate i was letting my son help out and encouraging the bond but in noway i would expect or want him to become a carer.
I am in the proceedings now which ends in may. My dad has decided not to go for sgo as he was told this is permanent and he wants my son to be home with me. His also recently retired and i dont think he wants the responsibility or being a parent again. I have no real support network but in the process of moving close to my dad where a lot of my family live where ill have a better support.
I have found the assessor who previously gave me a positive assessment regarding my baby, she specialises in Autism and understands me well so my solicitor is going to ask the outher partys if they agree that i have a second opinion. It hurts so much without my son and it hurts i can not see him on mothers day. Im just holding on to hope right now.