Someone please help!!

LA1997
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Someone please help!!

Postby LA1997 » Wed Jun 28, 2017 10:00 pm

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Really need some help and advice!!
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Really need some help and advice!!
*****
26-06-17 17:06
Really need some help and advice!!
Hi all amazing mums out there!

I have literally gone to everything I can think of.

Me and my partner had a baby boy in December 2016, since October 2016 we have had Children Services (CS) involved due to a misunderstanding. They agreed to help us with pregnancy, our mental health and support us in anyway they could. At first we had a really nice social worker and also a support worker(SW). A week before I gave birth our SW changed. When our little boy arrived we had a discharge meeting at hospital - apparently there were concerns with me feeding him (Hospital tried telling CS I didn't feed him for 6 hours - which is a horrendous accusation and also not true)

After one more day in hospital the SW told me I had to choose from three options - 1. Go into foster care placement with my little boy without partner 2. Go into a residential family assessment unit which my partner could join after one week. (SW told me it would only be for four weeks, which ended up being nearly 3 months)
The final option was go home and they took my baby away.

Of course this being a whole new experience for me as being my first child, I chose the assessment unit.

After a hell of a fight through the assessment and not even getting a christmas in February I decided to voluntary put my little boy into care under the Childrens act 1989 Section 20.
Since then it has been a battle to get my little man back. Hes now six months old and we have contact with him 3 days a week for an hour.
We have done everything the CS have asked us to do, including seeking medical help, having a psychologists assessment.

We are due to appear in court on 12th July to see if our little boy can return home. I just need some advice on who I can turn to for help and support as we aren't getting much of it at the moment.

Now they are talking about adoption!! Don't know what to do or think anymore

Thank you
BE AWARE THIS ISNT THE FULL EXTENT OF STORY.


Edited by Suzie for confidentiality.

InnocentMammy
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Joined: Thu Mar 09, 2017 12:39 am

Re: Someone please help!!

Postby InnocentMammy » Thu Jun 29, 2017 12:58 am

I've lost my baby through foster care recently too. Entirely different circumstances, so I can't say I can offer advice. However, I just wanted to say I know the pain you feel everyday your baby isn't there.

Fight for your baby in any way possible. I lose my morale more and more each day, but every time I see my gorgeous son, I get fuelled to fight again until I see him the next time.

If anyone thinks your partner could compromise your chances, just listen to them, whether you think they're wrong or right.

LA1997
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2017 5:00 pm

Re: Someone please help!!

Postby LA1997 » Thu Jun 29, 2017 2:25 am

It so hard, I see him and just wanna break down and cry because I feel like I've let him down.. I'm doing everything I can to stay strong and get on to court.. But each day I'm dying inside..

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Someone please help!!

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 03, 2017 2:42 pm

Dear LA1997

Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Board. My name is Suzie, the FRG online adviser. I am replying to your post on this thread and have deleted the duplicate posts you also made on the general discussion board. Hopefully this will make it easier for you.

First of all, I am very sorry to hear about the difficulties you and your family are experiencing. You are clearly missing your baby boy very much and are worried about what the court will decide for him. Innocent mammy has been in touch to acknowledge the distress you are feeling and to offer some practical advice about considering whether your partner is impacting on your chances of caring for you son again. It is good advice to think about whether you have a better chance of being able to care for your son on your own or as a couple.

You described the circumstances leading to your son going into foster care and plans for his future being considered by the family court. You have been through a lot of different processes as a family and you explain that you and your partner have cooperated well and attend regular contact sessions with your baby son. It is positive that you have done so.

You are wondering where/from whom you can get support. This depends on your situation but your GP may be able to put you in touch with a counsellor or emotional support service. Also the psychologist’s assessment might have identified what would help you? You can access parenting advice from Family Lives or there may be local parenting groups or programmes which you can find out about from your local authority’s Children’s Information Service. Home Start might be able to help you if your son returns home to you.

The most important thing for you now though is to be very clear about your legal situation. I will mostly focus on that below.

It is not clear from your post what the court hearing next week is but it is important that you find out and understand what will happen. As you are involved in care proceedings you and your partner should have solicitors. It is really important that you liaise very closely with them especially about what the recommendations/what your options are. You should also discuss the outcome of the psychological assessment carefully with your solicitor. The timescale for care proceedings is very tight (approximately 26 weeks) so you need to be very proactive and making sure that you are very clear about what stage you are at and what you need to do. You can find out more about this is FRG’s guide to care proceedings. We also have a helpful guide to final court orders.

You don’t mention any support network or family. Sometimes family members can step in to support parents to care for their child safely or to care for the child if the parent isn’t able to. If you have a family member or friend who might be able to do this tell your solicitor and social worker immediately. Ask the person to contact your son’s social worker straight away too. A family group conference can help bring everyone together but again time is crucial. If the hearing on the 12th is the final hearing then the proceedings are at a very late stage.

You are worried that adoption is being mentioned.

It is important that you know if your son is in a fostering for adoption placement or a traditional foster placement where a plan for adoption is one of the possible decisions the court can make. Do make sure you are clear about this by checking with your solicitor; it is essential that you have specific legal advice about fostering for adoption or a plan or placement for adoption.

If the court decides to make a final order then one possibility is a placement order which, if made, would allow children’s services to place your child with prospective adopters (even if you disagreed). Once a placement order is made it is very hard to end it or argue against adoption. Adoption should be a last resort where a court has decided that a child cannot be cared for safely by their parent(s) or in their family network.

You can find out much more about adoption in FRG’s adoption: what does it mean for birth parents? advice sheet. Please do take the time to read this as it explains what adoption means and guides you through the different stages of the adoption process. You are also entitled to a key worker once there is a plan for adoption and counselling and information about it.

In brief, the best things for you to do at present are:
• Look after yourself
• Contact your solicitor asap to clarify at what stage of the legal process you are at and what the likely plans are
• Find out what else you can/what your options are
• Explore family options
• Keep working with the social worker and any other professionals
• Keep up your contact with your baby son and think about future contact if he is not in your care.

You are welcome to call the Freephone advice line on 0808 8010366 weekdays 9.30 – 3.00 to speak to an adviser if that would help. You can post back if you prefer. If you do please clarify what the current situation is.

With best wishes

Suzie

LA1997
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2017 5:00 pm

Re: Someone please help!!

Postby LA1997 » Mon Jul 10, 2017 5:22 pm

They are now saying court won't be until august or September.
How am I meant to go that long without my little man?!
Keep getting my hopes up just to be let down over and over again.
Even my friends don't wanna know.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1746
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Someone please help!!

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 17, 2017 2:27 pm

Dear LA1997

Sorry to hear that the situation does not seem to have moved on yet. I am still not clear exactly what stage of court proceedings you are at but hopefully you are in close contact with your solicitor who can advise you fully.

In the meantime, keep up the hard work you have been doing and continue to attend all your contact sessions with your little boy. Check with the social worker, Guardian and solicitor if there is anything else that they recommend you should be doing.

If you would like to speak to one of the advisers please do ring the Freephone advice line on 0808 8010366.

Best wishes

Suzie


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