Worried about Foster Carer's attitude

[Murray72]

My Child has been in long term foster care for almost 3 years, she is lucky in the sense that she has remained in the same placement throughout.

I was never a risk to my Child but my failure to end a difficult relationship was to cause for my Child been removed, and failure to accept this person as a risk caused me many problems and eventually a Full Care Order was granted.

My concerns are increasing slowly as CS attitude to myself has changed for the better and contact is slowly been increased and in general the situation is much more positive I feel the Carer is making the situation difficult. It is little things like contact been disrupted due to pre-planned events within the carer's home life, or failure to attend the most recent Lac review, I just get a feeling that the Carer is not happy about the changing situation and this alarms me hugely.

My Child's view has always remained the same with a wish to return home and finally things look like this could be a reality in the future, I do not want anything to hamper this and do not know how to deal with situation, I am aware that any criticism from myself could be detrimental to the positive progress that is been made. But I also want to ensure the Carer's behaviour will not affect my Child in any way.

I am concerned but not sure how to proceed.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Murray72

Sorry for the delay in responding to your post.

It sounds as though things are definitely improving for you and your daughter. You have obviously worked hard to prove to children’s services that your daughter is your priority. They are now increasing your contact which is a clear signal that they are feeling positive about you and your role in your daughter’s life.

It is a shame that the foster carer does not seem to be supporting the positive changes being made, particularly as these are being made in your daughter’s best interests. It is important to remember that the foster carer does not have any parental responsibility for your child. They are employed by the local authority to care for your daughter but are not in a position to make any significant decisions around contact or long term plans.

I would advise that you focus on ensuring the contact you have is as positive as possible and continue to work openly and co-operatively with the social worker, with the aim of further increasing the contact and working towards your daughter returning to your care.

If you continue to feel that the foster carer is being disruptive to the plan for increased contact, raise this with the social worker and/ or the IRO. As you say, you do not want any criticism from yourself to hinder progress being made. This should not happen as you have every right to raise concerns but it is advisable to keep any discussions as positive as possible. Try not to be negative about the foster carer directly but raise issues more generally. Focus at all times on the impact on your daughter and what is in her best interests and offer alternative solutions which meet her needs.

I wonder what your level of contact is now Murray? Things are obviously going in the right direction so it seems a good time to keep up that momentum, without being seen to rush things or put too much pressure on your daughter. If contact is supervised, perhaps you could work towards spending periods of unsupervised time together. If this is already the case, is it feasible to work towards having periods of contact in your own home? Is overnight contact the next step? If children’s services are not keen to increase face to face contact any further for a while, could you suggest increased telephone contact between visits?

Do keep posting and letting us know how things are going and if there is any more advice that you would like.

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser

[Murray72]

Thank you for replying Suzie,

Contact has been changed from Supervised to Monitored now, so much more relaxed for my Child and Siblings, we also have contact over a longer period of time which makes it easier as my Child would constantly be clock watching and it drove me silently insane.

An Assessment for myself has been proposed, this in itself is a positive step, as CS opposed similar assessment whilst care proceedings were ongoing and now are paying for this assessment. I am remaining positive and know the care my Child receives in this placement cannot be criticised, and she is happy all things considered.

I have made huge changes in my life and have challenged many of the beliefs I held previously. This has been challenging time in my life and I just hope I can achieve a happy outcome for myself and my Children.