How can i cope through this.

Saraheve
Posts: 103
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:39 am

How can i cope through this.

Postby Saraheve » Thu Sep 01, 2016 6:35 pm

My son has recently been taken into care. And im 4 months pregnant. I desperately miss my son and was told to concentrate on the baby and seek my son 5 times a year so he can settle in his placement. I can't stop thinking of my son and scared they will say now I have a baby how can I cope with 2. Or they may take the baby from birth.
This is so unfair im in despair. All I can try and do is try my hardest at making the changes the social services want. But it's so hard to do a big spring clean when I feel emotionaly drained.
I can't be happy without my son. I can't give up but I feel week also

Minnie
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:02 am

Re: How can i cope through this.

Postby Minnie » Sat Sep 03, 2016 3:13 pm

Hi

I understand how you feel, have you been to Court to decide your son's placement? My girls have been placed with their father under a full care order,I have supervised contact with the girls for 3 hours a week. The local authority are trying to reduce this and so is their father. The local authority think the children been out of house for two evenings a week will destabilise the placement. The children's father isn't prepared to picking up and dropping as it impacting on his free time.

I don't know what to suggest about dealing with the pregnancy and not having your son with you. Other than to work with the social worker to get your son back. I'm in this situation right now,it's playing the long game.

Saraheve
Posts: 103
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:39 am

Re: How can i cope through this.

Postby Saraheve » Sat Sep 03, 2016 10:46 pm

Thanks for your reply. I'm going to do whatever I can to get my son back. I'm afraid that the social services will never give my son back. I feel so tired all the time I just need hope. That a discharge order is possible. Good luck with your case. You can always go back to course for a contact order to increase contact. It's all so unfair

Minnie
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:02 am

Re: How can i cope through this.

Postby Minnie » Sun Sep 04, 2016 6:02 pm

Hi

I'm looking to get the care order discharged,the earliest that can be done is January. I know I can go to court to sort contact,I want to avoid that as it is set in stone and want to some flexibility to increase contact and remove supervision. What reasons are they giving for not returning him,where is he and whats keeping him there.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1720
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: How can i cope through this.

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Sep 05, 2016 4:34 pm

Dear Saraheve

Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie and I am the online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I am very sorry that you are feeling distressed that you son has been placed in long term foster care following care proceeding.

The concerns referred to in your post appear to have been related to domestic abuse and misusing drugs. It appears that unfortunately you were not able to address the concerns within the timescale set by the court for your eldest son.

It is really good that you are now receiving additional support to deal with your cannabis use, that you are now separated from your son’s father and no longer in an abusive relationship. This is a good step forward for you and the fact that you are doing parenting courses will be helpful to you in the future. Please read our advice sheet child protection procedures.

I know that it is hard to have your child removed from your care but if you are able to try and take a view that it will give you time to work on yourself to better able to care for your children this is likely to help you cope with your situation. You will learn ways to manage your children’s behaviour and boundary setting. Please also read our frequently asked questions here about when you have had a child removed and expecting a baby.


As I do not know all the details of your case, it is not really possible for me to comment on what children services could or should have offered you as support. Were you asked to separate from the father prior to the care proceedings? It is likely that now you have a diagnoses you can get help from adult disability services to help you cope. Also, as you are pregnant at the moment, you might get help and support to be able to care for your new baby as children services will consider the changes you make from now on. Our advice sheet about child protection is included for your information.From your post it is clear that you are missing your son and want him to be with you. This is not likely in the short term as you cannot contemplate making an application to discharge a care order within 6 months of the date it was made. Did your legal team advise you regarding the possibility of an appeal of the court’s decision to make a full care order? It may be that there were no grounds for an appeal.

My suggestion to you is that you should try to focus and concentrate on the baby for now so you may be able to care for the baby. You will need to show that you have made significant changes or sufficient change that can be improved with support. It will always be possible for you to consider making an application to discharge the care order at an appropriate time. Please read our advice sheet about a child being reunited with family from care. One thing that you should do is read the judgement given in court about your 9 year old and why it was not possible for you to have him in your care. You will need to address the concerns the judge mentioned as you will not be able to discharge the care order unless this is done.

Your solicitor who has all the information about your case will be able to advise you about the best way to present your case if children services decide to make an application to the court regarding your baby. Our advice sheet about care proceedings is here for your information.

A copy of our advice sheet about the duties that children services have when children are in the care is here for your further information.

Your contact with your son will depend on the care plan approved by the court and the contact that was stated in the plan. Changes to contact should not be made a review meeting. It is not unusual for contact to be limited when a child if first placed with foster carers to help the child settle in. Hopefully, once you have started contact it will go well and your will get to the point where you can ask for increased contact with your son. You can speak to the independent reviewing officer (IRO) about your concerns relating to contact.

Try not to despair but focus as much as you are able to work with children services and other services with a view to improving your situation. This will be the best way to have a good outcome for your baby, and in time for your son as well.

You may wish to speak to an adviser and, if so, please do telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 pm. Monday to Friday.

I hope you will find this information helpful

Best wishes,

Suzie

Saraheve
Posts: 103
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:39 am

Re: How can i cope through this.

Postby Saraheve » Mon Sep 05, 2016 5:40 pm

Thanks for your reply,
I donly find housekeeping dificult. And setting routines and boundaries.
I hope to take parenting courses soon. The social worker said she will refer me but Im finding it hard to get through to her.
In terms of housekeeping I think I need advice for a autistic society and to get a regular cleaner.
Right now I'm constantly crying and over sleeping.
Im worried having a baby will jepedise my chance of having my son back as the social services will say im unable to care for two children. And the problem is I have limited support. I fell out with my partners family after we separated. But I'm intrested in having a meeting where they can help support me with the baby I was thinking of my partners mum looking after the baby part time. Do you think this will help. I just deparatly want my son back its hard to think of anything else.
I look forward to your reply thanks.

Saraheve
Posts: 103
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:39 am

Re: How can i cope through this.

Postby Saraheve » Tue Oct 04, 2016 1:56 pm

Hi i am finding it difficult to cope without my son. I'm constantly thinking of him throughout the day and at night I dream of him.
This emotional pain im feeling is very uncomfortable and I have no friends and no support around I message social services but they don't respond to me. I see my son every 2 weeks for a hour.
What is really getting to me now is the fact I won't get to spend Christmas with him. I am finding this very painful. Any advice from anyone.

Minnie
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:02 am

Re: How can i cope through this.

Postby Minnie » Tue Oct 04, 2016 8:48 pm

Hi

I understand exactly how you feel, I still seeing my girls weekly at the moment. I know the social worker is looking to reduce it, I don't know how at the moment. I'm struggling with this and so are my girls. My oldest daughter's birthday is at the end of this month, it's on a Saturday, there is a high chance I won't see her on her birthday and I feel the same about Christmas. I don't what to suggest to help, is there friends who you could spend some time with? I find this helps with the constant thinking of the girls. I dream of them every night too. I'm trying to remain positive, this is really hard. I have a Lac review in Thursday where they may try and reduce my contact. My daughter is telling me and the social worker that she wants to come home.

chrissy
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Jan 12, 2016 10:51 pm

Re: How can i cope through this.

Postby chrissy » Sun Oct 09, 2016 8:39 am

My daughter is on a full care order and placed with my sister. I have moved from one and half hours a week to four and half hours unsupervised, I will find out next month if she will be home for Xmas living with me.

It's very hard when they leave it hurts so much I've been there, it does get easier to cope with tho.
My daughter is 10 and she has constantly been saying she wants to come home, they had to listen to her.
If your constantly tired maybe you could go to the doctor it might not just be pregnancy related. Keep strong focus on yourself and well being, you will need your strength for your son.

Saraheve
Posts: 103
Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2016 10:39 am

Re: How can i cope through this.

Postby Saraheve » Sun Oct 09, 2016 10:09 am

Hi thanks for your reply, it's great to hear theirs a strong possibility your child will come home.
How did you move from 1 and a half hours a week to four unsupervied,
As I'll like increase contact. The contact worker is starting to get on my nerves constantly commenting and taking notes. I'm used to spending time alone with my child. How do I go about having unsupervied contact thanks.


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