Contact with my children

[Laura33]

My two children live with my sister who has a SGO. In January 2016 the court ruled I could have 9 contacts per year. The court advised me and my sister to attend mediation and family therapy. The sw who worked with our family said that 9 times a year was a starting point and the contact would increase from there. In May this year the sw increased the contact to more than once a month. After two of the extra contacts my sister then decided to reduce the contact back to 9 times a year.
My sister is refusing to attend mediation or family therapy. She is refusing to discuss the contact with me and is refusing to respond to my emails in regard to contact.
The children are asking for more contact. The sw has recommended more frequent contact. How can we work towards more frequent contact while my sister is acting that way? I will return to court if necessary but the cost is astronomical and I don't know if I would be able to represent myself.
Why is my sister able to over rule the advise of the sw and why does the view of the mother have absolutely no way of influencing the arrangements around contact. The reason my sister has the children is due to my illness (Bipolar Disorder). However, I raised my two children for seven years as a single mother before I had a severe relapse and became too unwell to manage.
I find the system immensely frustrating and I have a huge sense of injustice that my sister is allowed to make bad decisions that go against the best interest of the children.

[chrissy]

My sister has my daughter, the sgo is on hold at the moment to see if she can be returned to me. I have weekly contact which this week went to unsupervised. I have had to jump through lots of hoops to get this far. How old are your children, it must be really hard for you with just that contact, how is your relationship with your sister. My relationship has gone to the odd txt as and when needed.

I'm sure Suzie will be along with advice for you, she is very helpful and puts you at ease.

Hope you get more contact sorted.
Chrissy

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Laura33

Welcome to Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that you are having difficulties with your sister who has a special guardianship order for your children regarding your contact.
It is not clear from your post whether there is a supervision order in place for children services to remain involved for a period of time even though there is a special guardianship order.

You must have felt quite happy that your sister was willing to help keep your children out of care by coming forward to care for them. I wonder what has caused her to change in her attitude regarding contact. Have you been making unreasonable requests of her or making the children feel unsettled with they have contact? I do not think the social worker would be recommending more contact if he or she did not think it was in the children’s best interests.

If there is an order that states 9 times a year for you to have contact, your sister may feel that this amount of contact is workable until the children are more settled living with her. She is not in breach of the court order. Did the court say contact should increase? Unfortunately, if there was no order for your sister to attend mediation or therapy, she can decide not to although it means that she is not necessarily acting in the children’s interests if they want more contact.

I know that it is probably hard for you but it might help if you give your sister some space as she has taken on the children and may want to feel secure in caring for them.

Children services is not really in a position to force your sister as she has parental responsibility for the children and can make decisions about contact. Were there any issues regarding contact, for example, did you miss any contact without informing your sister? It would be helpful to know why she has taken the position of not wishing to speak with you or attend mediation.

I have included here a copy of our advice sheet relating to what special guardianship means for birth parents. Whilst you continue to have parental responsibility for your children, your sister can exercise her parental responsibility over and above yours.

If your sister will not consider increasing contact, the only way forward would be for you to make an application to the court to vary the order currently in place. You may think it is difficult to represent yourself but the court is quite used to dealing with litigants in person. If you are on a low income you may apply to be exempt from the fee to issue the court application. I suggest that you contact Coram Children’s Legal Centre on 0808 330 5480 for advice about making a private law application to the court regarding contact.

Trying to get on with your sister is probably the best way to mend the relationship for the best out come for you and your children regarding contact. She was willing to take care of the children so that counts for a lot. Try to take a step back and look at things from her point of view, I do not know what has happened but think something did for her to be taking the stand she is now.

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes,

Suzie