Despair...

[Miserylovescompany2]

I am aware of **** own ongoing difficulties especially her high levels of anxiety. I asked **** if he would allow me to text her? I made myself very clear in that it was up to him. If he did wish me to do so then I would read what I intended to send to him first. He was ok with this and forwarded **** mobile number. I did as I said I would. This text message was sent "Hi **** it's **** Mam (****) just to let you know he is having a tough day. I don't want you to worry or think it is about you because it isn't. **** has given me your number because he doesn't want you to be upset with him. I think he just needs a little time with his own thoughts to make sense of them."

There was an incoming call on my mobile from a number I was not familiar with. I was still on an outgoing call to ****. I asked him to end the call and I answered the call. It was **** father (****). I have only met him once which was many months ago and that was merely a quick hello. **** had seen me whilst he was with **** and her father and waved me across the road to met them. To give context this was prior to **** and **** entering a relationship together. At this time **** was still living with FC (****).

On first answering the aforementioned call I was very aware that **** father was upset. He introduced himself by explaining he'd briefly met me once. He had a great deal of questions. After a short while it was abundantly clear he didn't have an understanding of **** as he assumed Jacob had high functioning autism. I do not believe he has been made aware of all of **** difficulties. At this present time he as **** father is not able to appropriately safeguard his own child from potential emotional/physical harm as a direct result. This is simply because he has not been informed.

I, myself was of the belief that a case had been opened then subsequently closed which was directly relating to **** and **** relationship. At no point was I ever made aware of potential risks to ****. Or, of any risk they might pose together?

Might I also add that I know of **** past and current involvement with CYPS and that she is currently awaiting to start the diagnostic process for autism herself. I know **** has had an extremely difficult time relating to her own mental health. I am assuming that this was looked at whilst the case was open? Because if it was not it is of dire importance that this information be looked at again with the upmost of urgency.

Both **** and **** are vulnerable. They have formed a significant bond with each other however as this grows so does their risk to one another. At this time they are both seeking emotional solace in each other. These demands are growing daily especially from **** with her need for constant reassurance. **** also holds the belief that she can change ****. **** struggles to manage his own emotions let alone the overwhelming need from another person. They are negatively impacting on each other at this time. It's an accident waiting to happen. This is quickly developing into a codependency between the two.

I would not be fulfilling my role as a parent if I didn't make others aware of the level of risk. My intention is not for the two to be separated but I do believe closer attention and/or monitoring would be essential at this time. Might I also stress that I do not believe there is a sexual relationship at this time so this is not a current cause for concern. Emotional harm is at the crux of my concern.

I look forward to having a comprehensive written response addressing all of my concerns both past and present. Thank you in advance for your prompt response.

Kind regards,

Misery

[Miserylovescompany2]

Not one person acknowledged that email. I know for a fact the SW read and discussed the contents with at least one other person.

**** was later visited by a SW and threatened with a CPP if she did not end the relationship. She text me on 7/11/18 "A social worker came out to the house to talk about **** and everything that's going on...And I just wondered if you would be ok to talk about it all since I guess part of it is to do with you and I just thought maybe you would be able to help me with it"

I text her back asking if it was be easier for her to talk on the phone? She telephoned me shortly after. Her mother heard some of the conversation and I ended up conversing with her. I asked if there had been a case opened previously regarding the relationship. Her answer = I received a phone call after I had had a surgery and was still groggy. I didn't take in much of what was said. No-one visited and no-one telephoned again or wrote.

**** was then left to relay all that the SW said back to my son.

When I had contact yesterday evening with my son he mentioned that **** had received an apology from the SW manager.

Everything that is happening now is to cover up failings. I will add the letter I received this week from the complaints department. They are actually thwarting my efforts. I was given some advice from FRG number and I will be following to attempt and counterbalance what they are doing. I was advised to agree with speaking to the SW manager as long as they accept me doing this as the first part of their complaint process and I receive a more detailed written response within 10 days as per their policy.

[Miserylovescompany2]

OMG - just looked at the date of the letter I received from SW with resrictions of practice. It is dated 06/12/18 - I missed a call that day however I returned it at 14:39. The call duration was 45 minutes 17 seconds. This was an extensive phone call with me asking a myriad of questions and mostly given the response "I don't know you will have to discuss this at the next LAC review."

I had missed the call on 6/12/18 at 09:46am - I was at GP with eldest son and was continuing on to meet looked after son at Macdonalds as contact was 10am till 2pm unsupervised. I had previously dropped my 3.5yo daughter at nursery. The placement I was told to find myself. I am having to pay £23.50 + £35.50 every week because CS have decided my son is a risk. Off of the back of a fabricated report.

This is the content of letter...

Dear Misery,

I have tried to call you back to arrange to come out to see you in respect of the referral I have been given to complete. As I have not been able to speak to you to arrange this I have booked to come to your home on Wednesday 10th December at 10am. If this is not convenient please call me and I will try to rearrange to a more convenient time.

Yours sincerely

SW who left sensitive data in an unlocked shed relating to many families from different counties.

I received a text from the aforementioned SW on Friday - Hello Misery. It is SW (name). I have not been able to speak to my manager yet. I will have to contact you next week to see what can be arranged. Best Regards.

They know I struggle with verbal communication so I bet they thought I would not return the call. I am going to go through my recycling bin and look for the date on the envelope the letter came in. I bet it was dated before the date on the actual letter. They know I have formally requested reasonable adjustments yet they continue to discriminate and use underhand tactics.

It's the 10/12/18 tomorrow so he hasn't even got that right!

[Miserylovescompany2]

Just to update - I am getting nowhere fast.

I had a response from my solicitor the other day and the concerns CS currently have are around contact. They CS have still not put anything in writing in regard to this.

I requested that my solicitor ask for a copy of the recent report written about my son. I also shared my concerns regarding the content of this report. I stated in my correspondence with the solicitor that the report had been falsified and I received a warning from my solicitor - apparently Dr **** is highly respected...

I did send a further email stating why I has used the wording I had and to date no further response from my solicitor.

I have a meeting with Dr **** on the 20th of this month. Maybe he can bring also his report?

Yesterday my son was involved in two incidents at his care home with another child resident. The first included name calling which quickly escalated to threats to kill. Both boys were separated. The other child (15) then ran off and climbed up onto the roof outside my sons room and proceeded to attempt to smash the bedroom window.

The second incident actually happened whilst I was on the phone to my son. I could hear the other child in the background shouting "wa**er" at my son. I attempted to distract him and chat about other things. The name calling continued and quickly escalated into a full physical altercation between the two boys - I stayed on the line throughout. Staff didn't respond straight away. The police were called and the 15yo taken by the police because the staff could not ensure the safety of both boys.

Now fast forward to today - care home staff are stating they intervened prior to any physical altercation. This is not what my son is saying nor what I heard during the call. Or what staff member told me last night.

I have text SW, IRO and made telephone contact with someone on the complaints team.

As this currently stands SW is of the belief that no physical altercation happened and all 4 staff acted appropriately. I have asked whether my son has been spoken with by anyone from CS. I was told that he had. I spoke with my son and he states was asked a few questions on route to school by the social worker assistant however he didn't answer any. I am being told that my son will take this up with his advocate.

I had a lengthy conversation with the manager of care home and asked whether my son had been spoken to by her? At that point he had not. I was told that after this had been done I would be telephoned with an update. I have not received one yet.

It doesn't fill me with much confidence if 4 members of staff are claiming to have acted appropriately and then subsequently told the police the same story when in reality something different happened.

[Miserylovescompany2]

I did receive a phone call back from the care home manager. Both boys were spoken with and their answers were similar - no hitting, no kicking etc and no touch between the two boys.

When I have spoken with my 13yo son earlier in the day he had stated there had been a fight. I left it at that and did not ask any leading questions. I made enquires off of the back of what my son had said and what I had heard whilst still on a call with my son during incident.

I spoke again later yesterday evening and phrased my question differently I asked whether he or 15yo had touched at all during the second incident. He answered, no. I asked what did he think the word fight means? He explained an argument.

My sons takes things literally and always has done.

I think that it is only fair that I don't simply edit my other post which I have concerns about care home staff but write on here their account of what happened was factual. I made the error. All staff acted appropriately in the circumstances they were faced with.

[Miserylovescompany2]

I had contact with my 13yo son today. He made me aware of a video recording he had taken with his mobile phone. The recording was done during the first incident on Tuesday. It showed the other child (15) standing on a roof outside my sons room kicking his bedroom window with his foot multiple times. My son was told by staff at the care home to delete this recording from his phone. The police who attended the care home after the second incident were not made aware of this recording.

I have today - text the IRO, SW and spoken to the manager of the care home. The IRO advised me to inform the SW. I did this and received a text stating she was aware as care home had updated her and I can discuss this at tomorrow's LAC review.

Prior to doing any of the above I went to the police station and got the crime reference numbers. The officer that attended will hopefully be phoning me tonight.

My son did not delete the recording. It will interesting to see if the details given to the police match this recording?

[Miserylovescompany2]

Now I am the Grinch who stole Christmas!

I have continued to ask questions and directed these to the professionals involved in my 13yo care. Lots of discussions are happening and have been happening behind the scenes with CS.

The meeting on Friday I did not attend - my son had established both the time and location as was going to attend. CS were attempting to change location however I pointed out this would leave a 13yo in a very heightened state sat at the original location. I received phone calls from both SW and manager of care home. The SW wanted me to state I wanted the meeting cancelled which is something I refused to do.

I ended up putting the need of my son above all else and having him for the day whilst his sister was at nursery. However whilst still here he received a phone call from his SW assistant stating that Christmas had been sorted and he was coming home to stay for two nights.

So we have gone from my son being deemed a danger to his younger sibling to him coming home over Christmas.

At no point was I asked if I could appropriately safeguard three children over a prolonged period of time. My eldest son 17 is telling me he isn't happy and does not feel its safe. I agree. It isn't. I put all my concerns in an email on Sunday evening. I blind CC'd everyone else involved and no I am being portrayed as the devil!

The phone has never stopped all morning. Now my son is suddenly not a risk and I have obviously been having some sort of psychotic break over the last month because this has gone from one extreme to the other.

So on the 15/11/18 I am told whilst on holiday with my son and his sibling that he isn't safe? Then 14/12/18 he comes home for Christmas!

Am I missing a chunk of my life? What happened in the interim for CS to do this?

[Miserylovescompany2]

When did my families life turn in to a sick twisted game for the amusement of the director of Children's Services?

My verbal complaint that I initiated on 16/11/18 to the complaints department - I was told because of the severity of the issues I was raising this would be taken above the senior managers head. That only leaves the director. So unless that didn't happen the complaint department did diddly swat with my complaint or there is something seriously underhand going on.

I've last count of the phone calls that I have received from the SW putting insurmountable pressure on me to have my son over Christmas.

These sick twisted people had no issue or concern sitting on a report that claimed amongst other thing my son had no traits of autism and should be in a secure provision. They (CS) received this on the 6/11/18. Nine days before the holiday my family shared together!

On Wednesday there was a meeting - I recorded the entire thing! Everyone sat at that meeting raised concerns about Christmas. We all agreed on a plan take would reduce some of the risks. My 17yo son offered to stay in a hotel for two nights. He isn't a fan of Christmas and would actually prefer to just dip in and out of the household as and when he felt like it.

Fast forward to Friday just before 5pm - I receive an email stating the hotel plan will not be supported. This is the email...

Dear Misery

I have had conversation with **** **** the Team Manager and *** **** (sons social worker)

I understand that you have requested an explanation as to the decision made regarding hotel accommodation for 17yo over christmas holiday.

The request is to pay the costs of alternative accommodation for **** to go to on 24 and 25 December as part of the safety plan for **** staying contact.

I understand that the issue are the potential arguments/ aggression between **** and **** as they struggle to manage conflict when they are together for prolonged period of time.That **** does not manage conflict well and can become aggressive and violent.

I do not agree that **** should be asked to move out of his home and stay on his own during the Christmas holiday to facilitate Jacob's contact.
This is not conducive in meeting **** emotional needs and is likely to foster resentment and will not be conducive in promoting their relationship.
I also have concerns for **** staying on his own and question whether he has the maturity and independence to manage such an arrangement.

I have asked the Social worker to consider alternative strategies such as

**** has his own space at home and can be asked to go to his room if there is tension and be allowed the space to move away from conflict.

Care Staff from care home can be asked to stay with **** at his family home to support you..

Care Staff from **** **** can be on call ( they can be there in 10 minutes) and collect **** if you feel she needs support and can not manage the boys behaviour.

Contact can be facilitated at **** **** and transport arranged for family to go to ****.

Whether **** will spend time with his father and coincide this time for **** contact.

I must stress that no one is expecting you to cope with a situation that you are not confident with and is not safe for all concerned.

Clearly we will need to talk with **** about any decision a and arrangements that are made.

I shall speak with **** again on Monday and I am happy to discuss with you.

Regards **** ****

Senior Manager

[Miserylovescompany2]

My 17yo response to that email...


****

May I offer clarification in regards to the quotes I have emboldened below.

Firstly, I have offered to leave the household for safety reasons and to ensure that **** expectations of staying for two nights over the Christmas period are met. I have not been asked to do this.

Following previous incidents in 2017, whilst Jacob was residing at home, I, alongside my mother and sister, were placed at a critical risk of violence from ****.

In the latter part of **** staying here, myself and my mother sustained multiple injuries, some very significant (bites, bruises and permanent scarring) from the attempted intervention of **** to prevent serious harm to my mother. We were all taken to the **** Specialist Emergency Care Hospital to be checked over. I overheard conversations at this time that **** required a mental health assessment within 24 hours, this has never happened. This is yet another communication failure at a critical time, something that is sadly not an isolated occurrence.

The police were also constantly involved with ****, and in one instance following an assault against my mother, he was arrested for breach of the peace and was taken to **** police station.

I do not personally feel safe around ****, he has tendencies to provoke reactions from those around him (mostly targeted towards myself) to create incidents, mostly violent.

As for your suggestion of being "asked to go to my room if there is tension and be allowed the space to move away from conflict", this would already be too late and will not stop **** from causing distress, injury or damage to people or objects. ***** moves can be unpredictable and an incident can happen in any part of the house thence no area being safe.

The Council knows how serious of a situation this is, however fail in every aspect of their duties to protect and safeguard **** and the rest of the family and instead deflect fault onto us.


To address your concerns for me staying on my own, my maturity and independence - I'm seventeen years of age, ****.

I've travelled to multiple places across the country by road and rail for several years, planned wholly by myself without incident. Locations include, but are not limited to, London and north east Scotland. I'm the one who should be raising concerns about the Council's competence, not the other way around.


In regards to staying in my father's care, this simply is not an option. Not only for the reasons that my mother has stated, but due to the relationship (or lack of) that I have with him. Your suggestion also contradicts what you say about "this is not conducive in meeting **** emotional needs and is likely to foster resentment and will not be conducive in promoting their relationship."


May I also take this opportunity to raise serious concerns about the lack of any suitable contingency planning, especially with two days to go until contact is due to commence? I have seen no plan or reassurance that we will be safe during this time. When trying to discuss this with SW, she hung up mid-sentence. I have also overheard my mother requesting contact details for managers and *** refusing to give them.

The concerns I have are;
- In emergency situations, there is no guarantee that there will be a prompt response from police or ambulance services, due to the limited resources available over Christmas.
- Would staff from care home be able to physically intervene if required in lieu of police presence?
- How many children are under the care of the staff on standby at care home? I am aware of at least one violent individual other than ****. If an incident occured with another child in their care, would they have a sufficient number of staff to support us?
- Who would provide care to **** and myself if my mother was attacked by ****?
- Who would support the family if either myself or **** were injured and hospitalised by **** actions?


Being placed in a hotel, particularly the one at ****, would enable me to feel safe overnight. May I highlight that **** has made threats to kill myself and the family in our sleep in the past. It would also enable me to stay away from ****, so that he can not provoke reactions.

As the hotel room would be accessible at all times during the booking, it would provide a safe refuge and meeting place for myself and the family in the case of a serious incident where the home becomes unsafe or unsuitable to be occupied for whatever reason.


As I stated above, **** has expectations to be staying here overnight. This is not something myself or my mother have told him about, instead it was the Council. For **** to be told that this plan has changed, it is highly likely that his behaviours will escalate to violence. This is something that the Council have brought upon themselves, not us.

Finally, I will hold you, SW and manager personally accountable for any injury or damages caused by **** behaviour and Children's Services negligence, and will take legal action should this occur. I will also press criminal charges against **** if he were to assault me.


I look forward to this being resolved as soon as possible.

Son of Misery

[Miserylovescompany2]

What happens next I have no idea.

I was supposed to have contact with my son this evening. He came early - before I'd even thought words had jumped out of my mouth "oh, it's not six yet is it - as I haven't got your sister to bed yet." He just muttered a few words and slammed the outside door. He left.

I contacted the care home and told them what had happened. They eventually got through to him on his mobile and said "I can't be bothered with this, I'll be back at 9" (which is end of contact).

He returned here at about ten past six in a really frustrated angry mood - shouting various things. But mostly he was upset - he thinks I care more about his sister. Plus I haven't answered all his calls or texts straight away. I've been so preoccupied with trying to sort everything out. He picks up straight away if I'm anxious. Maybe I have been acting differently around him?

He text before stating he doesn't want to come here for Christmas as he'd rather be on his own.

The 17yo has his own option and I have to respect that. He was never given any professional support around the emotional impacts. None of us were.