Baby's father in jail on remand advice

[Murray72]

Looplou,

I would suggest that you do not go into any meeting with CS feeling angry or wound up at all, it is very easy to feel angry when you are dealing with SW and other professionals, but it can always be used against you and once you fall foul of CS it is a very hard slog to turn this around.

At the moment your child's Dad is on remand for a serious crime, I would wait for the trial and see what the outcome is, lots of things can and do change at trial, your ex could make a guilty plea at last minute or could have a full acquittal. At the moment you have care of your child and that is something you need to hold onto regardless of your feelings, you may want your child to have a relationship with Dad but the reality of your situation is that is not an option at this time. I know you mentioned another family in your situation and feel you have been treated unfairly but you never know the full details of any other case, in all fairness people are not always honest and they will only disclose what they comfortable with.

You mentioned you want your child to know it's Dad but do you really want to take your baby into a prison environment to build those bonds? How will you feel if Dad is convicted, and do you want to promote this relationship regardless of the outcome of the trial?

I hope your meeting goes well tomorrow.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Loopylou,

I am sorry for the delay in responding to your post.

I am so glad that Murray gave you such good advice about the core group meeting.

In particular, the need to wait to see how dad’s trial goes; to hold onto the fact that you are caring for your daughter-she lives with you; that you have worked so well with children services but how you still need to do so.

I am, however, worried that you seem to be having to attend the child protection meetings on your own.

Have you asked children services about an advocate? I have given you some sites that advise people about grooming and child sexual exploitation in my previous posts. They might be able to signpost you to specialist advocacy services.

There is also the NYAS (National Youth Advocacy Service) who might offer advocacy services in your area.

If you need further advice, please post again or contact our advice line.

Best wishes,

Suzie