I am a sex offender father please help me

DesperateDad
Posts: 15
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 11:51 pm

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by DesperateDad » Fri Oct 12, 2018 12:16 am

We had the 2nd CP conf yesterday and -as expected- it all played out as though they’d decided in advance. The so-called Indelendent chair and the social worker (colleagues of course) had carefully planned their attack.
They shut me down every time I tried to reason, talked over me, pushed me on issues we’d already responded to a million times and when I raised issues with lies and inaccuracies in their statements and their written assessment, they said this wasn’t the forum to discuss it.
When they were listing the concerns, complicating factors, strengths etc, they minimised the strengths. I said I’d been in StopSO counselling for 3yrs and that the counsellor had written to the social worker to say he had no concerns regarding safeguarding or child protection, they refused to allow it to be included, saying his reply was too short, his email was a personal email etc.
Joke. Gutted. Exhausted.

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Fri Oct 12, 2018 10:29 pm

Not a 'conference' as such then, but a dictatorial and abusive panel.

DesperateDad
Posts: 15
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 11:51 pm

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by DesperateDad » Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:43 am

Yes, and the plan arrived in the post today. They’re trying to push forward on carrying out police checks (form 87B) on my father and his wife as significant adults, which would involve disclosure.
We’ve been in this situation now (involved with social services) for 3yrs and we’ve managed to avoid any unnecessary disclosure to extended family or friends for good reason. My father & stepmother would be devastated, and I’ve made it clear to SS that it’s never been necessary so far to check them or disclose to them, they don’t babysit, nor supervise me with the children so it provides no additional safeguarding. Yet they’re determined to do it, not to safeguard my children, but to disclose and disrupt....how do I stop them ruining my family even more?!

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Sat Oct 13, 2018 12:21 pm

All I can think of would be to look into the human rights side of things - maybe article 8 - which is a right to a family life? Just a stab in the dark on my part but maybe it signposts you a little? Honestly, I'd be seeking legal advice on this one. What good could come of disclosing this other than harm...

I would be asking for a written explanation as to why CS feel this is necessary - because for 3 years it hasn't been?

DesperateDad
Posts: 15
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 11:51 pm

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by DesperateDad » Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:50 pm

Thank you, merely hearing your support means more than you realise... I wrote them a long letter citing quotations from Human Rights law and their own guidance around this needing to be necessary, timely, proportionate, etc... they’re still pushing.
I have a specialist ‘independent’ (hah yeh right) assessment on me being done in a week, commissioned by them. I just know they’ll paint the picture they want. They create the hypothesis and grab everything they can (or twist it) until it makes their case, and dismiss or censor anything that supports ours. They’re criminal!

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Sun Oct 14, 2018 1:20 pm

Can the assessment be carried out by a professional of your choice? These so-called-assessments are heavily influenced by CS furthermore how informed is the assessor on what they are supposedly assessing? I say this because the phycological assessment both my son and myself had was by a person who specialised in attachment disorder. She had no real knowledge of autism - people on the spectrum form very different attachments which can easily be misconstrued. Her viewpoint (which is all it was and not an informed one) was taken as fact!?

What I wish I'd done is seek out options and assessments of those people who have a clear understanding thus counterbalance the other non facts. I have a long fight ahead of me. Right now CS have an objective which they can achieve under the guise of safeguarding. What they are doing now is a targeted personal attack. Your aim (mine too) is to stop this. Obviously my situation is very different to your own but the attack is the same. I choose my battles wisely and put effort and thought into both my spoken and written words. CS don't like it when you quote them their own framework and/or guidelines. So they try to discredit you more, so much so that no-one will take what you say seriously.

It is not my place to make a judgment on what another person has or has not done. We all make mistakes. I would like to think that those people that do make judgements or negative comments are as informed as they need to be otherwise what is their thought process based upon other than ignorance? It is easier to lay blame then it is to offer a constructive way forward. I have never been one to take an easy route.

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Tue Oct 16, 2018 12:16 am

I'm surprised they don't get done far more often on Human Rights, but then this country is not hot on them, and after Brexit I'm not sure where we'll stand as a nation. At the moment, the European Article 8 (family life) does stand as a safety net to some extent - in the criminal courts an SHPO can no longer state 'no unsupervised contact' they have to add the clause 'except with the (other) parent's consent' or 'except with social services consent' because a precedent was set when some offenders won the right to a family life on appeal.(2013 google it). Even so, it's a con by the witch hunting British state though, because social services will always step in and can seem to enforce things as THEY wish with impunity.
They do get done occasionally, though, like in the news this week a father defeated a gagging order by a local authority who did not want him talking about his 17yo autistic daughter - B**** - who has been locked in a tiny mental hospital room for 2 years. When she had a 'meltdown' due to the life inflicted on her by our nation's 'safeguarders' they used this as justification that she needed to stay in the confinement they had put her!!
Unbelievable, this is Britain today. I'm certain there is much much more of this type of thing, and other SS abuses, but only the tip of the iceberg gets reported because 1) they do 90% of their work without written records, it's the day to day - or should I say month to month verbal 'advice', closet and overt threats, visitations and foot-dragging and general grinding down 2) it takes a strong, intelligent and organized parent to fight them 3) family law solicitors too expensive, not thorough and possibly not even on your side 4) gagging orders by family courts done for the 'good reason' of keeping the kids anonymous but also conveniently protecting the local authorities mistakes, arrogance and cold-heartedness 5) by the nature of the situations, the victims (correct word, even if they are sometime officially criminals, but still human beings who love their own children) of SS interventions are too depressed and stressed to fight, and end up being characterized any way the SS choose.
It's a disgrace, and it will he outed as more and more comes to light, just as all things eventually are, but too slowly for the current generation of children and their wrongly accused parents alas.

*edited by Suzie to protect anonymity and confidentiality.

Ore
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2018 10:06 pm

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Ore » Mon Oct 29, 2018 10:04 pm

Isn't it acceptable that a spouse can be both supportive of their convicted other and protective of their child or children? I'd have thought that supporting the offender would have a more positive impact on them and the child or children's psychological protection.

I read your story and it was hard to understand the parts where the social surgeons were not happy about the whole supporting of the offender part.

I have found in my life that there is physical and psychological harm sustained as I was growing up through childhood. The body has a way of healing well enough from most harm, while the mind was damaged severely and took most of my life to recover from. My parents divorcing during childhood was traumatic and lasting. They decided to part ways mutually between them. I can only imagine that a care order where the family is torn apart by brute force, will be even more psychologically damaging. I feel for you so much with the potential of this looming over your family. I'd have thought that potential psychological harm outweighed potential physical harm, although both are important to avoid. How do we measure the potential harm caused and the extent of impacts on one over another since all minds are different? What we can agree on, is that it isn't a good thing for anyone to go through.

There is the potential of a contact offence they say (it is possible, not probable), so in order to avoid a potential psychological trauma, we the CS are going to actually inflict a psychological trauma upon them by ripping the children from their parents by order of the courts, to remove the possibility of one happening, which may still happen under the care of the new custodians (doubly traumatised). Here, my thinking has me seeing the potential of one trauma replaced by an actual trauma with potentially a second in life. I truly hope this order never comes about. Hypothetically speaking, we're going to hang you, to avoid the possibility of you hanging yourself.

Good luck, it seems there is so much going on for you all with assessments, courses and the never ending bureaucratic process. I pray this all ends well for you as a family. Stay strong.

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 72
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Mon Oct 29, 2018 11:12 pm

Very well put, Ore. Especially the concept of avoiding a 'possible' harm (the unknown but statistically unlikely prospect of a sex offender dad harming their own kids in any way) by bringing in 'certain' and immediate harm by parental alienation. Any child psychologist worth their salt knows that the one thing a child craves above all from a parent is attention - simple attention, not money or endless spoiling gifts. Indeed any parents with common sense have observed this for decades if not centuries; rich kids particularly often complain that all the lavish materialism sent their way was no substitute for time and love from their parents. Children would even take a considerable measure of so-called abuse (not that I'm recommending it) to stay with their biological parents rather than endure the trauma of separation through forced fostering or adoption. Obviously serious abuses exist, and children need rescuing from them, but all too often the social services pick on things which are little more than the tribulations of normal human existence to build up a case of 'risk'. Worse still, they take profoundly disruptive measures on the basis of 'future possible harm' of a type never even committed in the past. It's severely dystopian, with the safeguarding net pulled so tight it is child abuse in itself. There, I said it; today's Children's Services are child abusers.
The simple reason for this seemingly illogical but appalling fact is that they care more about their backs than the children they are protecting. The emotional harm of contact deprivation is not as provable as the harm of sex abuse, which is why they're prepared to replace the tiniest risk with the certainty of alienation damage. The latter could easily be attributed to an irreconcilable spouse in any case, but allowing sex abuse would always be blamed on the CS.
What makes me most sick is the way they hide their disruptiveness and downright lack of conscience for the pain they cause behind the prestige of their 'calling' - that calm, arrogant smile many of us here have witnessed from a social worker as they deliver their latest 'expert' decision (if you're lucky; more often it will just be a haughty voice on the phone, relayed from a decision maker who doesn't have the time or guts to be accountable in person - if you got through on the phone in the first place). It's shambolic and evil.

Ore
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2018 10:06 pm

Re: I am a sex offender father please help me

Post by Ore » Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:06 am

PerfectlySafeDad, nobody has the bond or love for a child that natural parents have for what they worked so hard to bring into the world.

Yes, if any child is in clear and present danger, they must by all accounts be rescued immidiately. As you say, most cases are stretched beyond realism and into the realms of nightmare scenarios and perpetual fear.

Context is essential when attempting to evaluate clear and present danger. The whole concept of what can possibly become is more abusive than conducive where child protection or what is in the child's best interests are concerned. Since a child's best interests differ from child to child, who knows better than the children and parents of those children? It's like what's in the public interest, only the public aren't permitted to actually show that interest and participate in what is being claimed as in their interest! It is an assumed interest, most notoriously based on the interests of professional and legally protected gossips that is duh duh, our tabloids and broadsheet publishers. Gosh, I stopped buying those rags two decades ago, because everyday I became depressed by what I read, I felt like self harming. Sometimes I did self harm due to the horrific nature of some articles that were so psychologically abusive. So I decided to stop buying them. The acts of buying those rags themselves were self harmful. I can tell you, that as a member of the public, it's not in my best interests to be reading those rags or watching the news. Likewise, CS aren't always acting on the child's best interests, but as you say, from self preservation.

I simply cannot imagine what goes through the minds of rapists of adults or children, since I don't have such a mind. I wonder how CS and those various other agencies manage to put themselves into the minds of sex offenders and arrive at they haven't committed a contact offence, but are about to any moment now?

If each case is taken on its own merits, then why are those convicted of a sexual offence all treated as posing some kind of possible future harm? If these matrices and risk assessments can return a potential future risk among those with at least one conviction, why can't they be used on absolutely everybody to weed out the potential future risks before any harm is actually done? Hmm, or are these risk evaluations based primarily on the fact that the individual has actually externalised their offending behaviour? In which case such behaviour is inherent in all of us, thus representing the potential of future harm by all of us! Uh oh, there in lies the dilemma, we'd all have to admit to being potential sex offenders, thus posing a potential future risk towards vulnerable people and, well, that wouldn't be acceptable, at least not yet. Not until the next minority to be persecuted and stigmatised could be identified.

I don't know this sex offender father, but I do feel that he and his wife are doing the best that they can do and that they are being excessively pushed to fail.

Parenting courses? Do we all need these or are we all naturally programmed to be parents? If so, why the courses, or do some of us just forget how to be parents as we develop in the world? I believe we learn to become parents, by being parents. You're doing great you guys! The expectations on you are unreasonable, but you're still fighting.

So proud of you.

Post Reply