Moving Closer to Sex Offender Partner

[Shaftesbury]

Hello. I am after some advice on my options please.

I have three children under the age of 10 years old.

For 2 and a half years I have been in a relationship with a registered sex offender. His offences were 3 counts of sexual assault on a 15 year old girl and 1 count of grooming. My partner lives 250 miles away from me and currently we meet every 3 to 12 weeks when I travel to see him while a childminder looks after my children.

My partner has a SOPO which prevents him accessing websites or chatrooms for under 16's. He has absolutely no restrictions around contact with children of any age. He regularly sees his family members who are children.

For the past year I have been involved with Children's Services. They have been sending me on various courses and having various assessments done of my ability to protect the children from the risk my partner poses. I still have more work to do with them and they have recommended counselling, a course to make sure I fully understand all about sexual abuse, and for me and my partner to have a plan drawn up so that we can both work together to lower the risk of him re-offending.

In May last year my children's father took me to court to try to gain residency of the children because of my relationship. Children's services recommended the children continue to reside with me but my children's father did manage to obtain a prohibited steps order to prevent my partner being brought into contact with the children until my youngest is 18 years old. This is in 14 years' time.

Since taking me to court and losing his case my children's father has been rude to and discharged himself from any further interaction with Children's Services, threatened to kill me and been involved with police, and has cut himself completely out of the children's lives - they haven't seen him or heard from him for at least 5 months.

Ever since becoming involved with Children's Services I have done everything that has been recommended to me, attended all courses, observed the PSO, not brought my partner anywhere near my children. I fully intend to continue to do this. My children are still on Child Protection Plans.

Thank you for reading this far - now for my question.

I would like to move closer to my partner for the following reasons:

- currently its very difficult for us to meet up due to the distance - I HAVE to go away for several days at a time. I would prefer to be able to meet up with him during the day when the children are at school or on an evening if I had a babysitter. Childcare for several days at a time is very expensive and when I go away I don't really like leaving the children for several nights.

- From my divorce I have obtained a share of the property I shared with my ex. I cannot afford a 1 bed flat where I currently live but I could get a lovely 3 bed house if I were to move closer to my partner.

- I have anxiety about the fact my children's father only lives a few streets away from me and I am scared of his threatening and erratic behaviour. The police don't do anything except advise I move away. My doctor recommends I move closer to my partner.

I would not be moving very close to my partner. We would be in the same county but I would be living in a completely different part of the county with a 45 minute drive between us. I have considered areas where I would like to live and have singled out somewhere perfect with lovely houses that I can afford and good schools and amenities close-by.

So what I would like to know is whether Children's Services would be able to stop me making this move? Could they threaten to remove the children from my care simply because I would like to move closer to my sex offender partner. I would absolutely welcome their continual involvement and they could make unannounced visits any time they wished. If they needed to keep a closer eye on me that would be fine. I would also be very close to my partner's PPU officer should she ever wish to make a visit to me and she could keep an extra eye on things. I would continue to NEVER bring the children into contact with my partner while the PSO remains in place.

Everything about this move makes sense to me but I'm really scared of the view Children's Services will take. I fear they will suggest my partner is grooming me and has talked me into it or that I am putting the children in danger and therefore seek to remove them from my care.

All advice would be really appreciated please.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Shaftsbury,

Welcome back to the parents forum.

In answer to your question, children services cannot prevent you from moving from your current address to a new address much nearer your partner.

If you decide to make this move, then within a few weeks there will be a “transfer” child protection conference, where the new local authority will make plans about taking the case on. The new local authority will hold a further child protection conference to decide whether there should be a child protection plan or not.
Because your children are on a child protection plan, you will need to let the current local authority that you intend to move and details of your new address.


Will your move be looked upon negatively because of a potential increase of the risk of sexual abuse? Or given the fact that you are still some way from your partner mean the risk has not really increased?
You are still waiting for counselling. Any support you might still hope to get might take a lot of time to set up in the new area.
Have you had a discussion with the social worker about the way forward? It looks like you will need to move anyway because of your housing situation.
Do you have a lot of support where you live at the moment? If you move to a new area then this will be lost. Part of a social workers assessment is about the family and friend support you have. Could you become isolated and your children more at risk?

What about your partners assessed risk? Has he responding well to any support that he is receiving or does his risk remain the same?

Dad may have a view as well. Although he has not had contact for 5 months, it would affect the contact that he might have in the future. Would such a move mean that he takes the matter back to court?

Before children services escalate matters to court (care proceedings), there is a pre proceedings process (called the PLO or public law outline) that they should follow (unless they have to act in an emergency). The purpose is to try and sort matters out before court proceedings are issued.
The process allows you to have free legal advice and support from a solicitor.
Our care proceedings advice sheet describes the process.


If you have any questions, please post again or call our advice line to discuss in depth.


Best wishes,

Suzie

[Shaftesbury]

Thank you for your reply.

If the children's father took me to court, could he apply for a PSO to stop me moving away? If so, do you think this Order would be granted in the light of my relationship? Even if the children's father hasn't shown interest in the children, paid a penny towards their keep, and has made death threats towards us? Even if my doctor and the police advise me to move away from the children's father? Even if I could promise I will still give him contact with the children as per a Court Agreement?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Shaftsbury

Your ex partner would certainly be entitled to make an application for a PSO. It seems unlikely that he would be successful for the following reasons,
- Your ex is not currently taking advantage of the contact that has been ordered.
- You have considered arrangements to support on going contact if you do move and are confident that you could maintain this.
- The police are recommending the move for yours and your children's safety.
- There is already an order in place ensuring that your children do not have contact with your current partner so any additional order in relation to this is not necessary.

Clearly, however, I am unable to say for sure what the court would decide.

Suzie

[Shaftesbury]

Further to my question on this I decided to ask my solicitor for her thoughts.

She advised me I will, under no circumstances, be able to move away without the permission of the children's father. The children's father has been out of their lives since July last year and in that time has made death threats and has also, a couple of weeks ago, tried to snatch the children before school one morning. There has been police involvement at every incident. However, despite all this, it seems my ex-husband can still control me. He lives a couple of streets away and I am unable to escape his threatening behaviour.

I have made an appointment to see my solicitor again in a couple of weeks but I really think it is completely unfair that this man who has no interest in his children should have a say in where they live with me. Its not just regarding my relationship, I've been told I can't even move them out of our current county.

I feel trapped. I am scared of my ex but the police and children's services say they can't do anything yet I can't move away because the person who I am scared of won't allow me to take the children away, even though he doesn't want them.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Shaftesbury

Please continue to cooperate with professionals as you are clearly doing at this time.
It would also be advisable to tkeep a log to which will enable you to keep your solicitor fully updated.
Has the counselling support referral been progressed as this can only serve to help you deal with what is clearly
a highly complex and emotionally difficult situation for you and your family.
Best Wishes

Suzie