Advice on type of care

[Har1Her1]

I am very confused.

This afternoon the Lead Social Worker and his Manager came to see me. I thought they had come to see how effective the Safety Plan had been and maybe to discuss fostering for my youngest son. However, their agenda was very different. The Manager told me that CSC were going to drop our case. He said the Lead Social Worker felt like he was 'firefighting' and no progress was being made. I asked if we had somehow breached the Child Protection Plan and he said that there was no Child Protection issue because my husband and I had separated so the boys were not living together. I reminded the Manager that we separated before the Initial Child Protection Conference tool place, so there was, in fact, no Child Protection issue when our case was discussed at conference. he said that nobody believed we would stay separated. The Manager said they wanted our (parents) decision on the Section 20 accommodation. He said we needed to give an answer quickly because a placement could be found in the next two days. I asked in the LA would seek a Court Order for care if we did not agree. The Manager said they would not seek a Court Order because my son is 14 and there is no CP issue.

The Manager then explained to me that my youngest son is aggressive and controlling and needs a supportive family to 'kick start' him back to education and conformity. I said my son has threatened the Lead Social Worker when he discussed fostering, so I was doubtful whether we could entice him into thinking it was a good idea. The Manager also reminded me that if I chose not to agree to a Section 20 I should not complain to his department later saying that accommodation was not offered. I did this when the CPP first started and my youngest was left in the care of a man (my husband) who had hit him and I was assured that my husband and son were coping well and my youngest is 'resilient'.

At the bottom of me i can see many benefits to voluntary accommodation for my youngest. But he has to be willing to go and he has feel he is not being rejected by us (his parents). Yet I do not trust CSC at all now. Basically, CSC are saying they do not really care about my youngest because he is a challenging teenager. They also kept on with a Child Protection Plan even though there was no need for it. I do not trust them to find an adequate foster placement for my son.

Well, I have two days or so to make a decision, but I feel the Local Authority are not really bothered what we do.

[Har1Her1]

Well, the Lead Social Worker came to see me today. He said that he would be 'closing the case' for our children and removing the Child Protection Plans. He told me that he would go though each of the points on the Child Protection Plans and see how each had been met and thus, prepare a report for the Review on 20th January. He added that there are no real CP issues because my husband and I live apart and my older son lives with me. A lot of his talk was about resources. For example, he said that there was no other family in the area that had had more resources from CSC than ours. He added that he did not understand why his (CSC) resources were being used for CAMHS/mental health purposes. He stated again that he felt he was simply firefighting in our case. He said that the Family Intervention Team workers had complained to their manager that they did not know what they were supposed to do when they came to see my sons.

I felt very, very upset. First I am told that CSC are prepared to leave my youngest son with his abusive father because he was too old and challenging to remove from his care. Next I am told that CSC do not really want to remain involved with our family because they feel they are dealing wit a mental health issue rather than a child protection issue. So they are just closing the case.

My husband talked animatedly with the Lead Social Worker. He said it had always been a CAMHS matter and he was glad the case was being closed. When the social worker left, my husband said to the boys 'we can all live together now. We can be a family'. Ironically, the boys seem to be pleased, but I have four letters from CAMHS which state explicitly that increased contact between my eldest and his brother (and father) have led directly to a deterioration in his mental health.

The sad fact is that I am so worn out with this situation and so financially challenged since I have given up my career so I can look after my sons that I think I will just agree for the whole family to live together - and I don't think the Local Authority would do a thing if this happened.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Har1Her1

Thank you for your updating posts.

I am sorry that you are still having such a frustrating time trying to get the right help for your sons.

You are understandably very upset at the recent turn of events with Children Services indicating that they wish to close the case on your family. I do not think your children’s needs should be looked at only in terms of resources. The fact is the local authority has a duty to safeguard children and to put the appropriate support in place to do so.

Have you been given any indication of what kind of support would be put in place for your children were you to have them both in your care? From previous posts you have said that you did not want your youngest to go into foster care. Has Children Services decided that the offer of boarding school is no longer viable and what are your current views on this happening?

Clearly there are substantial issues for your sons and in particular your youngest who is not in education. Children Services are supposed to consider the needs of the child and this includes both physical and mental issues. It is not enough for them to say he is challenging and they then do nothing. I think it is important for you to consider what you would like to happen. Do you want to care for both children on your own? Would you want your son to return to education even if it is at a boarding school?

It seems clear from your posts that the two boys cannot safely live together, is this still the case, now that they have been living apart for a while.
I understand your frustration with the whole situation but it might not be good for any of you for the whole family to be back together as the issues have not really been properly resolved. This could cause even worse problems for the family in the long term. I do not know if you made contact with Contact a Family as previously suggested to you. I suggest that you contact them. You might also wish to contact The Challenging Behaviour Foundation on might be able to give you some advice and support.

At the review meeting you can of course say whether you agree with the plan or not. If the child protection plan is removed this does not mean that Children Services can abdicate their responsibility to the children. They should assess their needs as children in need. Both have significant needs due to behaviour, mental health etc. Please read our advice sheet equal opportunities about family support where a child is deemed to be in need.

There are charities that provide assistance to eligible children to attend boarding school and you may also want to make contact with Buttle Uk their website and or The Reedham Trust whose website is here.

You can make a formal complaint if you are unhappy with the decision to close the case if you do not think it is in your children’s best interests. A copy of our advice sheet relating to challenging decisions and making complaints is here for your information.

I do hope that an appropriate solution will be identified for you and your children and the family as a whole.

You can of course telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

I hope you find this helpful

Best wishes

Suzie

[Har1Her1]

Hello,

We had the Child Protection Review meeting on Wednesday and both children were taken off the Child Protection Plans. The reason given was that the boys live separately and so the danger of 'abuse' to my eldest was no longer present. The fact that the family had separated before the Plans were put in place and the fact that the boys see each other every day at my house was not mentioned., Outreach and Family Intervention support is being withdrawn because they are 'time limited' resources and the boys were 'not engaging well' with them. I requested that my eldest son's Education Health and Care plan was reviewed due to his lack of education and training and because I think even therapeutic activities can be supported as 'training'. I also asked for a plan to be made about my youngest son's return to education outside the home. The Chair proposed that our sons were supported under a robust Child in Need framework. Attendant representatives from various agencies acknowledged that I had moved things forward e.g. by facilitating home tuition at my house; by accompanying both boys to CAMHS appointments; by arranging an interview with a provider of voluntary work for my eldest (although there is no guarantee that he will participate) and by offering respite for my youngest so my husband can have a break and take the opportunity to see his mental health worker. Yet, I felt no sense of accomplishment. The progress my children have made is minimal and it has been made at a terrific personal cost: the loss of my career; the separation of our family and the financial and emotional stress the situation has produced. As agencies pulled out, I had a deeper sense of being on our own. It is the end of the week now and no-one has contacted me to say reviews have been requested or meetings arranged, so I will have to chase that up next week.

I really have lost faith in Children's Social Care and related agencies. I think if they have done nothing for our children under CPP, why should I think they will do anything under a CIN plan. Do you think I should request a change of social worker? The lead social worker in the CIN will be the one who has led our case in the CPP. He is a nice enough man, but he does not drive things forward. He is also the social worker who suggested I did not tell my youngest son that foster care was being considered for him.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Har1her1,

I am glad that your children are no longer on a child protection plan. This means that they have been assessed as no longer being risk of suffering significant harm. From your posts, you can see how much you have done-at personal cost to you to get to this stage.
I can also see how children services decision making has changed over the time as well. At one point they were about to accommodate your youngest child. But this changed.

You are right to question how robust a child in need plan will be compared to a child protection plan. Whereas child protection plans are compulsory, child in need plans are only with your consent. They are often used for a short time after child protection plans.

I am surprised that the chair of the conference did not arrange a date at the review to make sure all professionals would be available.

You have outlined the support that you think your children need. Why don’t you discuss this with the social worker and team manager before the actual child in need meeting? Then make sure that the social worker arranges a date that suits every professional.

Is there a chronology of significant events? If there is, make sure it is updated or prepare your own-to be as brief as possible, to remind everyone what had happened in the past and the on going risks that remain.
Here is some further information about what a
child in need means.

What about your boys having advocates to enable them to participate in the child in need process?
Here is some information that may help you make a decision about whether or not to request a change of social worker.

I have recommended Contact a Family to you before. You could also contact them about support that might be available as well as for advice about your sons education needs.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[Har1Her1]

Hello again,


I really wanted to stop posting here, mainly because I hoped the situation in my family would settle down. I contacted 'Contact a Family' and they advised pushing the LA for an Education Health and Care Plan for my youngest son. They agreed with me that it was really important that he was given the opportunity to access education (or any activities) outside the home, particularly because his problems were somewhat rooted in the home environment and also because my eldest son is in the house when home tuition takes place and this is not ideal for either boy. So, I contacted the PRU who arrange the home tuition and asked how far the referral for an Ed, Psych assessment had progressed and when we could expect the assessment of needs to take place. The PRU said they would get back to me, but never did. Therefore, I applied for assessment for an EHC Plan on my own (because I feared no application had been undertaken). I also began to feel rather irritated about the Outreach support and FIT support, which just stopped without any of the workers attempting to say goodbye to the boys. I put these feelings of discontent to one side.

However, I went to the CiN meeting yesterday with a plan that I hoped to discuss with agencies present. My husband did not attend, but he had asked his mental health worker to come to the meeting to speak on his behalf. I had hoped to get some answers about plans for education for my youngest and the progress of any applications for EHC plan assessment. I also wanted to discuss the impact my husband's mental health problems have on both our children (but particularly on the youngest) to emphasise further the need to find my youngest some provision that will give him a break from the family situation.

Yet, the only people who attended the meeting were the lead social worker and my youngest son's CAMHS worker, who had to leave after half an hour because he fitted the meeting in between appointments. I discussed my plan which was to source some sort of very small group college provision for my youngest to move into once he had established a rapport with his tutor, but nothing could really be decided because no-one from Education was present.

I asked where my husband's mental health worker was (because the situation between my husband and my youngest son remains unhealthy) and the lead social worker told me that the lady had decided it was not appropriate for her to attend the meeting because it was a 'children's meeting' and she worked for adult services.

No-one could attend from CAMHS to speak about my eldest son, but his psychologist had sent the lead social worker an e-mail saying they were still worried about him but at least he was staying out of hospital.

I left the meeting feeling disappointed and sad. I can imagine that after seven months on a Child Protection Plan, a little meeting like the one we had yesterday would be a welcome relief. It would show that there was no need for too much multi-agency involvement and it would suggest that matters pertaining to the children's safety and well-being had been largely resolved. Yet, this is not the case in our family. My youngest son still lives with a father who hits him and demoralises him (although my son's behaviour is challenging); both boys have extreme anxiety which is perpetuated by the situation at home and/or complete social isolation. One boy has absolutely no education or occupation except for visits to his grandmother and the other receives home tuition which is compromised because he often arrives at my home so anxious that he hides from the tutor for half an hour or he becomes anxious when a situation arises with my eldest son (and he hides from the tutor for half an hour or so). Requests we made in November for educational psychologist assessment for both boys (for their EHCPs) seem to have come to nothing and no-one will tell me if any application has been made for my youngest son's EHCP so I have had to apply for an assessment myself. Tomorrow, I may have to cancel the home tuition because no-one can look after my youngest whilst I try to coax my eldest to meet a 'buddy' from a local voluntary agency. I have secured a small contract to deliver some telephone tuition, but when I make the calls, the boys sneak into the bathroom together (Oh and no work was done with respect to the boys' sexual behaviour, despite aspects of it reaching 'red' on the LA's traffic light scale. The reason - the boys wouldn't co-operate!). So I have to consider giving up work entirely or insist that my youngest remains with his father during the evenings the tuition takes place (and his father cannot cope).

Something is so wrong and I should be seething with anger, but I just feel so sad because I cannot help my boys and no-one seems to care. I can appreciate that resources are stretched and that many aspects of the situation can only be changed by the boys themselves (with gentle coaxing and support from parents). However, there are so many things that are wrong about how the children have been treated ( referrals not being made; services stopped abruptly; assessment about an aspect of behaviour that comprised a major part of the Child Protection issue (and led to separation of the family unit) not even being attempted [this is the alleged sexual behaviour between the two boys] and the lack of communication between agencies) that I am beginning to feel it is personal. I do not nag or threaten agencies (despite the rants I post on this forum), but I do try to secure the help my children need - yet still, I feel like so much more should be done.

Anyway, that is the venting over for now.

[Har1Her1]

Just to clarify. When I suggest that my youngest needs a break from the family situation, I do not mean fostering, just more activities outside the home.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Har1Her1

I am sorry that you are now at the stage where you are too overwhelmed and frustrated by the situation your family is in that you can only feel sad. Please don't feel bad about using the discussion forum for help and support from your peers.

Whilst I understand your reluctance to threaten agencies it appears that your requests for help and support for your children have not been acted upon by the professionals involved. My suggestion is that you should consider making a formal complaint about the lack of support and the decisions that have been made or not made to ensure your children receive the help they need.

Regarding your youngest son’s education, Children Services should be addressing this as part of the Child in Need plan. Education is an important part of a child’s development and gives the opportunity to socialise as well. As the only support being provided is home tuition which appears not to meet your child’s needs, I suggest that you contact your local education authority regarding the provision of education. If it were the case that you kept your son away from school, the likelihood is that you would be prosecuted. It might help if you seek legal advice from a solicitor who has expertise in Education law.

I have included a link here for you to try and get further advice in respect of your son’s education.

Although you do not want your youngest son to be away from the family, it might be better for him to be placed in a therapeutic environment that can meet his needs. His father with whom he lives is not able to care adequately. I understand your reluctance to go down this route but it could turn out to be the most appropriate solution for your son. You may wish to contact this organisation for further advice about coping with your children’s behaviour

Does your husband engage appropriately with his mental health services? What other input or support does he need to help him to look after his youngest son? Here is a link to the disabled parent network for your information.

Your sons seem to need work around their sexualised behaviour and this is something that you should really complain about as the effect on their future could be detrimental if not dealt with now. They need to learn appropriate behaviour so they do not act out in situations outside the home which could lead to them getting in serious trouble or even hurt. Have you considered contacting Barnardo for support? A link is here website to their website. The Lucy Faithfull Foundation may also be able to give you advice regarding your sons' sexual behaviour.

I do think that you should consider making a formal complaint so that your concerns can be looked at independently. A copy of our advice sheet giving details about challenging decisions and making complaints included here for your further information.

You have already been sent details of charities which might be able to assist your son to attend a boarding school and I suggest that you consider looking at them if you have not already done so.

Regarding activities outside the home for your 14 year old, the social worker should be able to give you details of local groups and, if not, try search on your local authorities website for family information which should have details of such groups.

Your eldest son is now 17 and once he reaches 18 then adult services will be responsible for giving him support. Have you looked into what might be available to him and what their assessment criteria is for someone with his particular needs?

In a previous post it was suggested that you request a carer’s assessment so you as a carer can get support for yourself. If you have not already done so, please do consider doing this.

Hopefully, you will be able to find the help and support you need for your children and your youngest son in particular.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Har1Her1]

Hello,

I am trying to put together a complaint but I have such an over-riding sense of hopelessness that I do not know if I can really go through with it. I complained in September about my youngest son being left with my husband when my husband was phoning services every day (in my son's presence) saying that he 'wanted rid of him' and that he [my husband] couldn't cope and that he had hit my son and I complained that educational provision had not been sourced for either boy. It reached Stage One and one of the Senior Managers came out and explained how foster care would be difficult and how both my son and my husband said they were OK and how there were no bruises or broken bones and that my son was resilient and big enough to look after himself... and so on. The Manager also said that if both boys refused the education that was offered, there was nothing the LA could do. Yet my sons suffer from severe anxiety disorders and the category of CP that they fell under was emotional abuse. He desperately needed/needs to be free from the situation with my husband, but he is so attached and he loves his Dad, so it is difficult.

I went to my sons' former school on Friday to complete an assessment of needs and EHCAR form for my youngest. No-one from any of the agencies had made any referrals for an EHC plan and so it was thrown back to the school when I made a request for statutory assessment. The school are supportive so maybe we find a way through which my youngest could at least leave the house for education. On Thursday, a young male support tutor came to deliver my son's session. My son got on really well with him. They talked about music and cars and, after the session, my son said he wished he could have that tutor all the time. I realised, then, that the only males my youngest comes into contact with are his brother (who has serious issues), his Dad (who has serious issues) and middle aged professionals. Perhaps, even if we could expand tuition, my youngest could have a younger male tutor. There is, at the moment, no-one who can help my son on his journey to young adulthood. There is a complicated aspect to this as well. My youngest may be similar in certain ways to his brother. He will ask me some very, very 'biological' questions (e.g. about masturbation, about girls and about sex). At first, I thought this was 'boundary testing' but later I have realised that my son has no-one else to ask and so I answered factually and emphasised the importance of relationships and love and trust. I am confident that I can pitch my responses appropriately, but I am aware that there were behaviours between my sons that have never been fully addressed and I think lines are still be crossed. I contacted the Lucy Faithfull Foundation for advice and I am awaiting response.

The lead social worker came to see my husband on Friday. Apparently they had a long chat and the lead social worker (so I am told) will fully support reunification of the family. Yet, I have the minutes of a CP meeting from early December which stated clearly that CSC were worried that if our family reunited it would escalate my eldest son's anxieties to the level that he could unintentionally or deliberately take his own life. Another danger statement concerns the moral danger of my youngest son's behaviour. Lines are still being crossed. My eldest son seems calmer and more in control (although he goes nowhere outside the family circle), but what will happen when he has no respite from his brother? Yet both boys seem to be saying they would like the family to get back together. I don't know. I am so uncomfortable with the idea. Perhaps an EHC Plan will help my youngest get into boarding school, but that is what we had hoped for with my eldest and nothing happened.

I am just very confused and very beaten down by all this. It is as though there have been seven months through which the family has separated; serious allegations have been made; I have given up a career; my sons have been on the edge of care and hospitalisation and now... someone somewhere has decided that it wasn't all that serious anyway. I sometimes feel like walking away so that something is done. So that someone takes these two disturbed and vulnerable young men and makes them mix with normal people. On one of the minutes from a recent meeting it was noted that I fear the boys may commit suicide. I do. They are young men with mental health problems, socially isolated, victims of abuse, the sexual frustration that at least one of them feels now will only increase and so will the feelings of rejection, failure and abnormality - unless something changes.

[Har1Her1]

I meant supply tutor not support tutor - sorry