Need some advice please.

[Shaftesbury]

I do think that every case is different so its impossible to generalise on here, but I also do think that what Murray said is true. However, I know every single detail of my boyfriend's case which I think is very important when making a decision such as whether to continue any sort of friendship. I don't want to put all those details on here but from speaking to his PPU Officer and seeing his official documentation and speaking to Children's Services I have sorted out the risk he poses in my head. Having done all that I made the decision to remain friends with this man. I don't refer to him as my "partner" because he isn't and can never be that. It is true, as Murray said, that what he did was for sexual gratification, but I know so much about his case that I understand exactly what happened and am happy to accept his friendship going forward. What I am trying to advise here is to make sure you are armed with ALL the details and are clear on what your partner did and how and why etc. Try to step outside of the relationship and question whether you are being naive or duped.

I do think that to remove all contact with your partner would be the very best thing in this situation, but I also know how utterly difficult this is when you are emotionally invested in somebody who has helped you through some difficulties. Indeed I was advised the same thing myself and decided against taking that advice. I might have just been extremely lucky to have had my case turn out the way it has so PLEASE heed all the warnings and advice you are being given by others on here. I don't want to find I have seemingly given somebody the green light and end up realising I have encouraged somebody to go down a path which saw them lose their children. That would not be good.

Once again, to reiterate what Murray has said above - always cooperate with CS, always be honest and open, and always stick to any agreements/court orders.

[2912]

Hi again, I am taking all advice into account and thinking things through, it's just so hard to get any time to think when I feel like everything's coming from every angle. Don't worry I don't think at all that you have given a green light and have taken other advice very seriously, what I meant was I am less terrified of the social services after what you said I will be completely honest with them and cooperate fully. Still worried about the situation itself. I am realising that there is only one option as hard as it may be to do. Still going to see what is said tomorrow when the social worker comes round, and speak with my childs father, as even if it doesn't go well I would still like me to be the one he hears this from instead of a social worker!

[2912]

I apologise if it looks like I ignore anything if I dont mention it in a reply but I can't read over it as I reply as I would like to as the reply box goes to a different page!

[2912]

Shaftsbury, I just wanted to ask. When speaking with the PPU officer did you find that they had different opinions and information from what the social services were telling you?

[Shaftesbury]

Yes DEFINITELY!!

You see, the PPU Officer is there to look after the offender. In their opinion its better for the Offender to be in a relationship and to have as normal a life as possible since it reduces the risk of re-offending. Whereas Children's Services first priority is to protect the children - they don't have any concerns about the welfare of the offender, their job is to look after the children. This can lead to mixed messages being given to people like you and me so be careful about this.

For example, before CS became involved my boyfriend's PPU Officer encouraged our relationship and said he could maybe stay at my house 2 or 3 nights per week. This was far more than I ever imagined would be allowed and gave us false hope in some ways. I thought at the very least I would be allowed to sit in McDonalds with my boyfriend and my son for an hour. However, Children's Services have said they do not want my boyfriend to have any contact with my children at all and said they would have "grave concerns" if this did happen. Even though my boyfriend's offence was with a 15 year old girl who responded and not a 4 year old boy who would not. They do not want to take the risk.

I was wondering - do you know more about your partner's offences yet? Do you know where on the copine scale the photos sit? You can PM me the answer if you prefer.

[2912]

I PM'd you Shaftsbury

[Shaftesbury]

I replied to you - not sure if you've seen it?

[2912]

Hi yes I have, for some reason it take my messages about two days to leave my outbox!

[2912]

So after months of waiting I finally had my Child in need meeting on Monday. I must say I was absolutely terrified after all the things I have read and the threat of Child Protection looming. But I believe it actually went well given the circumstances. Basically the CIN will be reviewed in 3 months, (my partner is being released next month) and they said if I stick to my word and do not bring him into contact with my child it shall go down from child in need, and after a few more visits they will go completely. So that was abit of a shock as I have been threatened with everything going and now it seems nothing is happening. I'm happy about it, but can it really be that simple?

[Shaftesbury]

Wow, sounds quite positive!

I'm about to send you a PM x