Hi there, I have joined this forum to seek some advice. I have been with my partner for 8 years now and are currently expecting our first child. He is on the sex offenders register for a webcam offence with a child under 13. He received a year suspended sentence. He has 2 years remaining on the register. We in no way condone or justify his offence we both know how incredibly wrong it was but I have known from the start of our relationship and it's been tough but I know he is not a bad person and he has been through courses ect that have rebuilt him as a person. He has no other convictions or any trouble since this offence. His ppo is very happy with him and classes him as a very low risk. They only visit once a year now and when we decided to start a family we consulted the ppo first. His opinion was that he is happy for us to start a family we are in a very secure place in our lives and have a lovely relationship. He said that social services should pay us a visit do an assessment and that should be all. The ppo doesn't see any need for concern. However that's not how it went. Social services came and done their assessment. In the assessment there was manipulation and lies when we have been completely honest with them from the start. I made a complaint and the lead social worker came out and added a paragraph to the assessment saying she believes these things the original social worker put across are not true. However we had to go to a cp conference where our unborn is to go on a sexual abuse protection plan at birth. There were no professionals that we knew in this conference and everyone made us feel like monsters. If I honestly believed the father of my baby would present a risk to my baby I would have never started a family with this man. However that doesn't make be oblivious to the risks my child may face from anybody. We have been told he is to have no unsupervised contact with his daughter and I will obide to this as the last thing I want is to loose my daughter. I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced a similar situation and felt like they had been wrongly treated by social care. Also what happenes to a child under a sexual abuse plan? And will social services leave us alone once he is off the register in a couple years? Also do I need a solicitor. I'm scared they are going to manipulate us into trying to take our baby. We also have tonnes of family support all of whom are aware of the conviction 8 years ago. We just want to live a normal family life. This is our first child and I am so stressed this isn't how I imagined becoming a mum.
Thanks for reading
Advice needed on being with a sex offender
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4256
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Advice needed on being with a sex offender
Dear Summer2015
Welcome to the parents' board, my name is Suzie one of FRG's online advisers.
Thank you for your post.
You stated in your post that you were fully aware of your partner's offending history which involved an internet related offence with a child under 13, before your entered into a relationship with him. What is not clear however, is how old your partner was at the time of the offence or when it took place. It would be helpful if you were able to provide answers to these questions, as it may affect the advice you are given here.
Your post also says that you are expecting your first child together and that your unborn child is subject to a multi agency pre-birth child protection plan (under the category of sexual abuse). Unfortunately, it is not unusual that a representative from the key statutory agencies, who are required to attend may not necessarily be known to you.
Prior to you becoming pregnant, you state you consulted with your partner's probation officer about the implications of having children together and that probation had assessed him as low risk. This is due to the different thresholds between Probation (who have more emphasis of working with adults), and Children's Services who are concerned with the assessment and protection of children.
Under multi agency safeguarding procedures probation would normally make a referral to Children's Services so that a joint risk assessment can be undertaken. This would then establish what, if any risk your partner may pose at this time. Furthermore, the level of support or any action that may need to be taken in order to help keep your child safe.
Can I suggest that you continue to cooperate with the pre-birth plan, and be open to any help you may be offered at this time. You may also find it helpful to contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation , an organisation with expertise in supporting families going through a similar situation.
Best Wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the parents' board, my name is Suzie one of FRG's online advisers.
Thank you for your post.
You stated in your post that you were fully aware of your partner's offending history which involved an internet related offence with a child under 13, before your entered into a relationship with him. What is not clear however, is how old your partner was at the time of the offence or when it took place. It would be helpful if you were able to provide answers to these questions, as it may affect the advice you are given here.
Your post also says that you are expecting your first child together and that your unborn child is subject to a multi agency pre-birth child protection plan (under the category of sexual abuse). Unfortunately, it is not unusual that a representative from the key statutory agencies, who are required to attend may not necessarily be known to you.
Prior to you becoming pregnant, you state you consulted with your partner's probation officer about the implications of having children together and that probation had assessed him as low risk. This is due to the different thresholds between Probation (who have more emphasis of working with adults), and Children's Services who are concerned with the assessment and protection of children.
Under multi agency safeguarding procedures probation would normally make a referral to Children's Services so that a joint risk assessment can be undertaken. This would then establish what, if any risk your partner may pose at this time. Furthermore, the level of support or any action that may need to be taken in order to help keep your child safe.
Can I suggest that you continue to cooperate with the pre-birth plan, and be open to any help you may be offered at this time. You may also find it helpful to contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation , an organisation with expertise in supporting families going through a similar situation.
Best Wishes
Suzie
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PerfectlySafeDad
- Posts: 171
- Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am
Re: Advice needed on being with a sex offender
Monsters. It just makes me speechless, the heartless ignorant back-covering of these people. You would think they had a shortage of genuine crisis cases to deal with. His offences were 8 years ago. Come on, is rehabilitation a principle or not in this country. It smacks of sadism.
Re: Advice needed on being with a sex offender
Summer, I am very sorry to hear you find yourself in this situation.
I have been in a somewhat similar situation with my own partner, although his offences were not against a minor.
Continue to work with the services being as straightforward as you can.
Keep/request copies of all minutes of all meetings. Read ALL reports, noting any inaccuracies. Keep in frequent contact with your partners PO.
Also collect any and all information you can from all support groups, he has been on and modules he has completed.
What the social work want is for you to recognise the potential risk and that you will always put your child before your relationship.
You saying if you thought there was a risk you would not have had a child with him, is not what they want to hear because it sounds like you are saying you believe your partner is NO risk.
They want you to say you recognise there is always a possibility of risk, and that you have learned what behaviours and signals to watch for that might indicate your partner is a danger to your child.
Have you also considered there may be issues should anyone find out, especially once your child is school age. Please do not assume this won't happen it is preferable to be prepared.
It may also cause problems once your daughter has children of her own.
It's not unheard of for the social work to return to make reviews and assessments when you become grandparents.
So please be aware of this,as you raise your child, to avoid any unpleasant surprises.
Back to your own situation though,
Will you be comfortable being responsible for other people's children in your home.
That is assuming the social work allow it, sleepovers and things might just not be a thing your daughter can experience.
There is so much to consider , and none of it pleasant.
I have four children and even though his offences were nothing to do with minors I still had similar things to work through.
There were many things I hadn't considered but I was very lucky and had really helpful social workers.
I really do wish you all the best and your partner.
I have been in a somewhat similar situation with my own partner, although his offences were not against a minor.
Continue to work with the services being as straightforward as you can.
Keep/request copies of all minutes of all meetings. Read ALL reports, noting any inaccuracies. Keep in frequent contact with your partners PO.
Also collect any and all information you can from all support groups, he has been on and modules he has completed.
What the social work want is for you to recognise the potential risk and that you will always put your child before your relationship.
You saying if you thought there was a risk you would not have had a child with him, is not what they want to hear because it sounds like you are saying you believe your partner is NO risk.
They want you to say you recognise there is always a possibility of risk, and that you have learned what behaviours and signals to watch for that might indicate your partner is a danger to your child.
Have you also considered there may be issues should anyone find out, especially once your child is school age. Please do not assume this won't happen it is preferable to be prepared.
It may also cause problems once your daughter has children of her own.
It's not unheard of for the social work to return to make reviews and assessments when you become grandparents.
So please be aware of this,as you raise your child, to avoid any unpleasant surprises.
Back to your own situation though,
Will you be comfortable being responsible for other people's children in your home.
That is assuming the social work allow it, sleepovers and things might just not be a thing your daughter can experience.
There is so much to consider , and none of it pleasant.
I have four children and even though his offences were nothing to do with minors I still had similar things to work through.
There were many things I hadn't considered but I was very lucky and had really helpful social workers.
I really do wish you all the best and your partner.
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