Advice on being with a sex offender

[Qwerty3068]

Hi I'd really appreciate some helpful none judgemental advice please that is the reason for me joining this forum.. I am currently dating a sex offender he's been on the register for about 3 years for indecent exposure he is now facing charges of grooming & sexual assault, I am being warned by family members that I could loose my daughter (20 months) if I choose to stay in a relationship with this man. Any advice would be highly appreciated, surely I could stay with him not allowing him contact with my daughter?

[Murray72]

Qwerty,
If you can click on my user name you should be able to bring up my previous posts, I have lots of posts on this subject, some of these go quite far back but you may or may not find them helpful.

All from personal experience.

Good luck

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi qwerty,

Hopefully, you would have found Murrays posts helpful.

Whether or not your partner is a danger to your daughter will need to be assessed by children services. Has the
assessment started yet? Is there a child protection plan in place? is your partner the father of your child?

The Lucy Faithfull foundation can also offer detailed advice and support around issues of sexual abuse in family situations.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[Qwerty3068]

Hi the authorities have been involved and been out the visit me and my daughter, I have been put under observation. I have told them that my relationship is over to protect my daughter, I have been told if they were to found out that I'm still seeing him child protection would get involved!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Qwerty,

I am glad that you have come back to the board for support and because clearly you yourself have worries in relation to your partner.

There are two issues that you need to be thinking about:
a) Any contact with your partner at the moment, given what children’s services have explicitly stated, could result in them taking steps to remove your child from you. Please do read Murray’s posting, as to that’s exactly what happened to her.

Your family are right to warn you of the risks. Moreover, the local authority are likely to view non-compliance with their clear advice, as firstly raising questions as to whether you can protect your daughter and put her needs first and secondly, whether you can be honest with them.

b) From the information you’ve posted, it appears that assessments either haven’t been carried out or are incomplete in relation to your partner. However, that he is on sex offenders register for a conviction of indecent exposure is clearly of serious concern. Even more worrying is that he has now been charged with the even more serious offences of grooming and sexual assault. This means he could pose a very serious risk to your daughter now.
We at Family Rights Group are very worried about your daughter.You need to be to putting your daughter’s safety ahead of your relationship with this man.

I am sorry if this is not be the advice you want to hear.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Shaftesbury]

Hi - I've been in a similar situation - if you search the board you can find my previous posts.

The best thing you can do is be completely up front and honest with everybody and if you want to continue seeing this man let the authorities get involved. This is what I did and my children are currently on a child protection plan. My ex took me to court but the Judge ruled that so long as I didn't bring the children into contact with my partner I could remain in the relationship and the children could continue to reside with me. Play by the book, be a good girl, encourage your partner to be a good boy, and theres a small chance you can continue seeing your partner and keep your child. Try to be sneaky and it won't end well.

Hope this helps. I know exactly how you feel having been in a simliar boat myself this year!

[Shaftesbury]

One more thing - DON'T be scared of child protection. They are there to protect your child. I was terrified at first but now am working with them to keep everybody safe and happy. If you lie to them because you're scared you will appear dishonest and this will make them doubt everything else you say if you're found to not be telling the truth. Be honest with them, do as they ask, understand why they are involved.

The difference with my situation though is that my partner offended 8 years ago and has been "clean" since. As far as I can work out from your post your partner is now facing fresh charges? This would concern me I'm afraid. If my partner was to re-offend I'd be off. First charge can be passed off as a stupid mistake but alarm bells would start ringing in my head if he were to now face further charges.

Please be careful.