What are my rights - LAC in mum and baby foster care

[ijustwantausername]

Hello.

I posted on another thread before I had had my baby. I had him on valentines day and spent a week in hospital while social services fought in court to try and have him taken from me. Fortunately I had a decent guardian for my baby and she said that there wasn't enough evidence to warrant him being taken from me at hospital and fought for me to go into a mother and baby foster placement. So here we are.

Now, that happened mid February. It's now mid April and I've run into some serious problems. I'll list a few of them as I want specific advice to each, if possible, please.

1. THERE IS A CAMERA IN MY BEDROOM. (I have to get dressed sandwiched between the two cupboard doors which is the only place the camera can't pick up what I am doing. Otherwise I've got to leave my baby in his Moses basket and lug all my stuff to the (shared) bathroom and get dressed in there and then lug everything back to my bedroom. (There are 10 people in this house..) Not gonna happen.

2. I'm breastfeeding and I HAVE TO BE WATCHED AT EACH FEED. I have no privacy. None. Nadda. Not a single second. I'm watched every darn second of the day AND NIGHT.

3. I'm being forced to give my baby formula because he is not gaining weight to the specified rate (He's not on the line! Gasp!). Well that's no wonder! How am I meant to make breastmilk for him when I am so stressed all the time!? I challenged the formula feeding, asking if I could supplement with my own expressed milk instead, and was told NO, and that brought on a visit from my CSW who said he would be writing to his legal advisers and to my baby's guardian and it would be brought up in court! All I did was ask if I could use expressed breastmilk instead of formula (and express my lack of enthusiasm for giving my baby formula when he is meant to be exclusively breastfed..)

4. I HAVE NO TIME ALONE. As I mentioned before, I'm being watched at every single moment of the day and night. When I'm in my room the camera watches me and when I'm not in my room the foster carer watches me because she has to spend all her time with me and my baby (to make sure I'm not abusing him or neglecting him *eye roll*). I can't even go for a walk around the garden without her sitting in her chair watching me and the pram.. And now today it's come to the point where I have to send her a text at night to tell her I am giving my son the 1oz of formula top up (again, the CSW said to do this).

5. MY SUPPORT COMES FROM MY MUMMY. I'm not a child. But come on, everyone needs their mum now and again and for someone with a mental illness like mine, I have my mum as my emotional support. There's no one else I can turn to who understands me as much as my mum. And now.. I can't even talk to her without being listened to. I called her earlier and then was horrified to find that my call had been listened to over the cameras audio function. RUDE MUCH? If I can't vent to my mother, who can I vent to? And come on, everyone needs to vent now and again WITHOUT certain people listening in!

There's just a few things.

Over all, my baby and I are doing okay physically. Despite his slow weight gain he is a happy little chap who always has a huge grin for his mummy in the morning and pretty much every time he manages to spot me. I grin back. We talk, play with each other and I adore him to bits. He is my world. The CSW doesn't see it that way though. He says I am not putting him down enough. (if I held him all day I'd be in a back brace by now. He's heavy!) He does go down, just not on 'The Play Mat'. He spends time in his basket which has an arc of hanging toys, and time in his pram which has colourful rings and a squeaky fish toy hanging from it and he spends time on the mat now and again. Not to mention he spends a LOT of time sleeping. He's always been a sleepy baby and (CSW says) this is because I smoked cannabis during my pregnancy. Utter crud. Apparently (Again, the CSW..) he is not stimulated enough by me. Anyway.. I'm rambling and venting a bit. Sorry.

Suzie, is there any way that I can get rid of my CSW? I've reached the point now where I am ready to file MASSIVE complaints against him to his boss and I am also going to be asking my solicitor how to go about suing the living daylights out of him. He has totally ruined my life and my sons life by not giving us the chance to be a normal little family together. Please let me know what I can do to see the back of him for the last time, if there is a way.

Thanks for listening (and sorry for the ramble, lol!)
xx

Edited by Suzie to remove personal details
Edited by me to remove rude names (SORRY!)

[ange301126]

Dear I want a user name, I suggest you stop calling him Mr E** as it will look bad also please will you say what is his reaction to you contacting the FRG for advice? Is he amenable to you doing so or has he warned you off?

[ijustwantausername]

He doesn't know I have posted on here. I tell him things and he doesn't listen. The other day we had an argument over how much formula the health visitor said to give my son (it was 1oz) and he wouldn't believe me (he kept saying 2ozs) until I opened my son's 'red book' and pointed to where she had written 30mls top up with formula. If he won't believe me about simple things like this, what makes you think he'd listen to me about the bigger things?

I'm sorry I've called him 'mr e**' but he has totally ruined my life. I want to look at my children and laugh, smile, glow with happyness, but at the moment because of him, all I can do is cry. Put yourself in my shoes.

[ijustwantausername]

Just edited the original post and changed 'mr e**' to 'the CSW' (childs social worker)

[ange301126]

Dear ijustwantausername. Hopefully,Suzie will advise you shortly as to your specific questions,then you can go to your CSW and tell him you know your rights two of which are that the actions he takes have to be in proportion to the circumstances of your case and they should not impair your family's civil liberties without a court order. Is the unit you are in within a prison?

Be assured that what you refer to as 'ramblings' are no such thing; they are very fluent,well-written descriptions of your situation which also put over the absurdity of it.You should edit it and submit episodes to a newspaper,they are that good.A real journalist could do little better!

Obviously,the only way the CSW can fight against you is by denouncing them as the ravings of a lunatic. Scurrilous but to be expected so take no notice and carry on.
Good luck!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear ijustwantausername,

You need to see your time in the mother and baby unit as just a short chapter in yours and your baby boy’s life. You have to remind yourself that it is only for a few months and if you succeed then it is the next step on the care proceedings route to you showing that you can provide “good enough parenting”.

The alternative may have been an assessment of you and your baby son whilst you were separated from him.

An assessment in a mother and baby unit is extremely intrusive. Not only are they assessing your parenting skills but they also provide the protection of babies that local authorities demand when there are care proceedings.

They only happen when the alternative would have been the removal of baby. Your parenting is being tested under the microscope and it will be very difficult. Monitoring by cameras is to be expected.

But it is an opportunity for you to show-that you can parent, that you are bonding with your baby son, that you can work with professionals –such as the foster carer as well as the social worker. When you need support yourself, you can show how you are able to have insight into your mental health condition and seek the support that you need.

The foster care and social worker are also expected to pass on advice about parenting as well. You need to show that (although you have parented your older two as baby’s before) you are able to accept this advice and support.

Specifically, I wanted to raise some points:
Working with your social worker
I know that you have had a very difficult time with the social worker and that you want a change of social worker. Before you ask for this-discuss it with your solicitor. It may not be the best thing to do at this stage.

When the social worker suggests that you should put your son on the play mat- you show that you are able to try this. Or you could advise him how often you have done this over the last 24 hours.
Everything will be written down in the assessment-you need to make sure that you do as much as you can to work with professionals.
If your assessment is successful, then the next step may well be for you and your son to go home. Here the assessment will continue. You will be expected to let the social worker and health visitor into your home whenever they call. If you did not, then this would raise worries about the safety of your baby.
So being able to work with the social worker-even though he is very difficult must be done so that there is a chance for you and baby to move on together.
In a past post of yours you said.. “I'm no longer ignoring professionals and I am engaging in appointments and eager and HUNGRY to get parenting advice.”Do this, if you can.

Remember all that you have done to keep your baby son with you.
You took the very difficult step to end your relationship with your exe who was domestically abusive to you; you went into a refuge to protect yourself and your baby; you severed contact with friends considered to be unsuitable; you have given up smoking, you are working very well with your mental health team-taking medication and being monitored by them, you are restricting your relationship with your mum because of their concerns about her; you are now being assessed in the very difficult circumstances of a mother and baby unit.

You say that you are upset a lot of the time, are you discussing this with your mental heath team or the unit? Do you need extra support from them?

Best wishes,

Suzie

[ijustwantausername]

Dear ijustwantausername. Hopefully,Suzie will advise you shortly as to your specific questions,then you can go to your CSW and tell him you know your rights two of which are that the actions he takes have to be in proportion to the circumstances of your case and they should not impair your family's civil liberties without a court order. Is the unit you are in within a prison?

Be assured that what you refer to as 'ramblings' are no such thing; they are very fluent,well-written descriptions of your situation which also put over the absurdity of it.You should edit it and submit episodes to a newspaper,they are that good.A real journalist could do little better!

Obviously,the only way the CSW can fight against you is by denouncing them as the ravings of a lunatic. Scurrilous but to be expected so take no notice and carry on.
Good luck!

Lol, no I'm not in a prison, although I feel as if I am sometimes. My mum says prisoners get more rights than I do at the moment. Some times I wonder.. I'm actually living with a family, not in a unit. And it's only until July (I hope).

You know, I've often thought of writing to the paper about all the things that have happened to my little family but I'm not sure I want my personal life out there for everyone to read. Then again, saying that, I've pretty much done this already by posting it on these forums, haven't I? Heh.. I appreciate your compliments on my 'ramblings'. I've been writing stories since I was 14 and I'm still going now. It is one of my most loved hobbies, so I guess it comes out when I make posts like these ones. Everything I've written on here is true though. There aint no point in makin' stuff up.

Suzie, I spoke to my solicitor today. We weren't able to talk for long as she was about to attend a meeting but she is going to ring me tomorrow for a proper talk. I am going to be open and honest with her (and hopefully I'll be able to make the call in private) in regards to my CSW and the team he works with. I am not the only one who can't get along with him. Even other professionals are shaking their heads at the way he works.

I smiled when you listed all the things I have accomplished over the past few months. I guess I needed reminding, huh? Thank you for giving me that bit of encouragement. In the past few weeks I've really felt as if I'd lost control of my circumstances and my life in general but when I stand back and take a good look it's not actually all that bad. I've just been a bit depressed. So, thanks.

I'll try and update again tomorrow night once I've talked to some people.

Edit: Yeah I've tried to get in touch with my mental health worker but I think she is on leave at the moment. I will try again tomorrow. I have left a message for her already.

[ijustwantausername]

Hello, me again..

In recent developments, I have been told I am not allowed to see my daughter on her 5th birthday, which is coming up in just a few days time. My CSW has said he refuses to take responsibility for me seeing her and my son and that if my foster carer wanted to take responsibility for all three children then that was up to her. Of course, she promptly asked her social worker (who is a mum and baby sw) and the warning flags went up, and she was advised not to go anywhere near the whole situation. So, now I have seven presents, all wrapped in Frozen wrapping paper, with my daughter's birthday card stuck to the front of the bag.. and I can't give them to her. How very very sad. My CSW is going to see my mum on Friday and she is going to bring it up with him as my children will be with her for my daughter's birthday. If he still refuses to do anything, my mum will go above his head as she has had to do before. I've already cried over this one and if it turns out that I can't see her (I'M SUPPOSED to have contact once a fortnight anyway and it's been 3 weeks now) I'm going straight to my solicitor. Again.

Speaking of which, I did call and talk to her, but she was about to go into a meeting and said she would call me back. That was yesterday and she didn't call. Not today either. I tell you, I'm loosing faith in these people soooo quickly. The only person I've been able to trust to actually do their job properly is my mental health worker. She has been absolutely awesome. Anyway, I digress..

I spoke to my health visitor today about my baby's bedtime routine explaining that he gets tired around 7pm and so I had been getting him bathed by 6.30 and then fed and put to bed between 7 and 7.30pm. Recently the guardian spoke to my foster carer and told her I was putting my son to bed too early and said I should have him with me until 9pm, then bath him at 9.30, feed him and put him to bed for 10pm. Now, I didn't like the sound of that so as I am not a morning person and with them wanting me to be up for 8am (and able to wake for feeds during the night), I need to be in BED at 10pm, not getting myself wound down and ready for bed etc so I can be asleep for midnight (as was suggested). So I had a little chat with my health visitor today and she said if my son was sleepy at 7, then to put him in his Moses basket upstairs in my room at 7pm. Basically, go back to what I was doing from the beginning. She even wrote it in his 'red book' so I could show it to my foster carer. When I showed her though she literally blew up in my face and said 'But the guardian said that 7pm was too early! I'm going to have to talk to her! And the health visitor!' So my poor baby is now struggling to sleep, my back and shoulder hurts from holding him while he tosses and turns in my arms, and we still have an hour and a half to go before his 'bed time'. This is utter b******ks. Who am I meant to listen to?? The guardian is very old fashioned, where as the hv is modern. And I'm just listening to my baby. He wants to sleep, so I let him sleep. What harm is there in doing that??

Anyway, jobs for tomorrow include calling the solicitor (and possibly moaning a little..lol ), emailing her about what's been happening, and talking to the health visitor AGAIN.

Oh.. and my milk is drying up. Is this where I say 'I told you so...'?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Ijustwantausername

You could be forgiven for feeling confused due to the mixed messages you appear to be receiving from the professional network.

If you have not already done so, can I suggest you contact your solicitor asking them to make urgent contact with the Local Authority legal department to clarify the issues you have raised.

Inform them you seek urgent written clarification about your baby's day to day routines, given the different information you have received from the health visitor and the children's guardian and you wish to demonstrate you commitment and willingness to cooperate with professionals advice.

With regards to your daughter's 5th birthday, could you have an extra contact to accommodate the fact it is overdue, and request this is arranged shortly after the date. Request to be able to use the session an opportunity to share in person some of the gifts you have purchased especially for the occasion, again via your solicitor.

I hope this helps.

Suzie

[ijustwantausername]

So.. it's not going to happen. I've made head way with my social worker. He said I can have contact with my daughter and son on her birthday which is this bank holiday monday, although now I have run into yet another brick wall. My foster carer (who is my unofficial taxi because I'm not meant to go anywhere without her) has refused to take me to the party. She has arranged a birthday party for one of her relatives and I am being forced to attend this instead of my daughters party. My step-dad is currently trying to get hold of my social worker so that something can be arranged. The foster carer is refusing to do a lot for me. I am (apparently) supposed to shut up and do as I am told, go where they want me to go, and be happy with it. Hey wait, isn't that a bit unfair?

I'm in tears. Again. If I had a penny for all the times I'd been in tears since this whole fiasco started I'd have enough to feed this family at a posh restaurant by now. No really.

Also, I can have regular contact with my older children as often as I like! The CSW said so! BUT. Again. The foster carer has bluntly said that she refuses to take me anywhere when it has anything to do with my older children. As far as she is concerned, she is responsible for me and my little man, and that's all. Okay, so that is her job, fair enough, but surely I should then be allowed to see my older children here at the house?

WHich brings me to another interesting fact. My social worker met with my mum and step-dad on Friday and they had a long chat about everything that is going on. He said he was surprised that my mum and step-dad did not know where I am living and he gave them details on how to reach my home address. According to the foster carer though, he has said that they are not allowed to know. It's all very confusing. Yet again, I am left to wonder who to believe and what on earth is going on. How, pray tell, is ANYONE meant to live like this?!