Urgant social report is wrong

ange301126
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Re: Urgant social report is wrong

Post by ange301126 » Sat Mar 03, 2012 4:17 pm

Hi Abs, I suggest you do not hesitate.If you can, move yourself and the child to your mother's home pronto.
She can protect you against the father because she will bear witness to the Police never mind any 'photographs.
It is much harder for him to attack or threaten you while mum is with you.
The worst thing possible is if social services get it into their heads you are unable to protect your child.It sounds like you are having a problem protecting yourself from him.Keep a record of all the times you have contacted the Police to complain and also one of all the times you have complained to the Social Workers. Ensure that you give the record to the Judge and solicitor to make it clear to them you have taken steps to protect your child. Ask your mum to attend all meetings and procedures with you and both of you be polite and friendly with the social workers at all times. Take a note of everything that is said. I know it is silly but they have been known to appear as if they are deliberately trying to make you shout at them, some of the things they say and do! Once you are at your mums and she can witness this man's actions and words and even go to court and support your version to the judge then they might think twice about giving him so much access.In the meantime obey any court access order already made. If there isn't one yet,apply for one.Hope everything turns out okay.Keep in touch.

absoffice
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2012 10:27 am

Re: Urgant social report is wrong

Post by absoffice » Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:29 pm

Hi,
Well same position and can't change a thing, went to court and the judge said i cant have a non molistation order as i still have court about the criminal damage i done.
also he still says that we are fighting and she is cought in the middle and social are to do a section 37

we both signed a form stating if we give each other any harrassment or abuse or do this in front of davina we will be sent to prison. So i will most likely end up in jail now as he will tell d***** to say that i'm arguing or he will tell social or police and they will beleive anything he says they just wont listen to anything i say. she is only 5 years old and she will say anything he wants her to say. they don't realise that he wants them to take her away rather than be with me he has even told social that

we have to go to parents classes its ridiculas probably mediation how can we do that if he is a lying nutter? all he is doing is making loads of false allegations and when i said to my solicitor i phoned the police when he threatened me he said oh yes tit for tat? so what was i supposed to do then?

i am not going to my mums as there not listening to her either they seam to already made their oppinion and wont change.. i in the meantime am recording calls, getting school to sign when i arrive and collect, and keeping a diary and i need to video me going out the room upstairs when he calls her as i need to show proof of everything. i done a statement in responce to his and they haven't taken any notice meanwhile he has done another statement and i said i need to be allowed to respond to it

so far after the previous contact court order and up to this one, he has threatened me in the street in front of davina, he has threatened to grass my dad to tax people but my dad was self employed so he's got nothing to worry about plus he has used a typing error in contact times to harrass me
and the only people on my side are the freedom programme

i'm fed up with everything

abs

Edited by Suzie-name showing-possible breach of confidentiality

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Urgant social report is wrong

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:07 pm

Dear Abs,

I am sorry that so much is happening at the moment for you and your daughter. I can see why you are so fed up. I am also very worried that there seems to be a shift in the courts view about the possible harm your daughter may be suffering. They have asked that children’s services carry out a section 37 report.
Section 37 report
This means the court is worried that your daughter may be suffering significant harm or is likely to suffer significant harm and they have asked children’s services to carry out an assessment and write it up into a report which will be sent to the court and you and your ex will get a copy of it.
During the assessment the social worker has to ask the following questions:
• If they should consider applying for a Care Order/Supervision Order
• If they should provide services or assistance for your daughter and your family
• If they should take any other action in relation to your daughter.

This is very serious for you as they are considering whether your daughter should be removed from you as she might be suffering serious harm due to the conflict between you and her dad. Have a look at our advice sheet on Care in case you have not yet had the time to do so. I have mentioned this before. It is more important now that the court is suggesting that children services consider the option of care proceedings. Any questions post back.
Contact
Can you not come to an arrangement where you yourself have NO contact at all with your exe? It could be that this contact that you currently have with each other- is causing harm to your daughter. (The court seems to be of this view.) For example,
Physical abuse-is your daughter at risk of being physically harmed-caught in the cross fire of a fight between you and her dad-or being put a risk of this by dads behaviour to you?

Emotional abuse-is your daughter seeing or hearing any dispute when you hand her over for contact or when you hand over your phone to her-children who witness a high level of conflict between their parents can be harmed long term to the extent that they then develop health problems as adults as well as feeling fear at the time they hear the arguments.
What about telephone contact? Is it the best type of contact for your daughter to have? You are concerned that you exe is emotionally abusive to your daughter during the calls. It is not uncommon for telephone contact to stop if there are these concerns, as it is very difficult to supervise. Why not raise this with your solicitor?
What about some one else being involved in taking your daughter to dad? Your mother or another relative or friend which both you and dad could agree to? Or a contact centre could be used to drop off and pick up. This would mean you and him would then not have to see each other at all-which would minimize any arguments and also ensure that the agreement that you have both signed would not be breached.

Neglect-is there a possibility that your daughter is being neglected at all? When parents are in an abusive relationship then sometimes but not always, it can have a very negative effect on their health including mental health. A parent’s self esteem can be shattered which in turn can lead to anxiety or depression. This in turn can affect a parent’s ability to look after a child well.
These are just some pointers to help you. It sounds like I am being harsh but this is a serious situation and you may need to take steps to minimize any contact between you and dad. Please fully cooperate with the s37 assessment of you and get children services to cooperate with you. Ask the social worker anything that you are not sure about. Please also keep in touch with your solicitor and listen to any advice he/she gives.
Please also think about telephoning our advice line for further advice and to discuss your case confidentially and in detail. It is open Monday to Friday 9:30 to 3:30 every day. Please also post back.
Best wishes,
Suzie

absoffice
Posts: 9
Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2012 10:27 am

Re: Urgant social report is wrong

Post by absoffice » Wed Mar 14, 2012 11:06 pm

Hi Suzie
Thanks, i have found out that he says he wants social to put her in foster because he don't want her being brought up like i brought up my boys, There was no problem with my boys he is just saying that to hurt me, he said to my real dad he would still see her once a fortnight so hes not bothered. so he is telling them that i'm fighting with him and i havn't done a thing!!
He has no feelings for anyone if he cared then he would have done something her when i told him about my past abuse but he didn't he saved that information and used it later when it was usefull to split my family appart, he also said that something happened to my brother which is rubbish it didn't. he also said that my mum knew this was happening and thats not true and he told this information to my real dad,(he got right round him and had him believing him) basically to cause alot of upset within my family, he tells people all kinds of stuff thats not true and even the social believe what he is saying, they are saying were fighting and i am NOT I haven't said or done anything!!! he knows exactly what he is playing at and he may win, she needs to be with me it's only me that cares and understands her and shes so close she misses anytime away from me. we've never been seperated and i would die without her i can't let them take her away
when she was at my real dads she said my mums a whore and noughty and shes got handcuffs on!! because of what he told her and she did see me when i smashed his car.
He is not going to stop doing what he does as he is not normal, he said i have mental issues it's him that has mental issues, and if he took a lie detector test he'd brake the machine! i looked on womens aid site about emotional abuse and he ticks all the boxes
He should not be allowed to even talk to her as he is so evil it's unbelievable. they must know that he is abusive he has no morals no feeling no love he only wants control and his way, he is craftly manipulating her on the phone he keeps her talking when she makes excuses to go but he wont let her, he keeps repeating the same stuff over and over telling her he loves her and she will soon be with him and how many sleeps have you untill you see me and how hes going to take her to chocolate world and spend all money on her. he's already told her he spoils another little girl which upset her.
a freind that works with social said its not the end if she is taken i can fight to get her back? i don't want to chance that it's not easy
if he was out of our lives we wouldn't have a problem we can live happy why should he be allowed to do this it's ridiculas
i'm going to ask social if they can arrange someone to take her to him so i have no contact, and if they are checking out the allegations he is saying then i will tell them all my allegations about him and will they check them out? the difference is i tell the true facts he says fabrigated lies and slander
i have 8 weeks to get them to realise whats going on..i will tell them everything and they might get it in their heads that all the alegations are lies and what i'm saying is the truth
the social said that the main concern is emotional abuse through our fighting, and i said if we dont have anymore then will that stop this and he said it would go in report, but i think they have already made their minds up and that's what they want because they have listened to him and beleive him
it's not right and not fair. i would give her to family if i could but mum couldn't cope shes too old and father is too ill and already has a house full, i dont know anyone else that could
abs
sorry it's a bit long post!! i'm desperately trying

ange301126
Posts: 537
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:27 pm

Re: Urgant social report is wrong

Post by ange301126 » Thu Mar 15, 2012 3:22 pm

Dear abs, the only advice I can think of is that you arrange for all meetings where you have to contact him to hand over the child for sessions are witnessed .Perhaps the meetings could be at the social services(CS) office.Always make sure there is someone with you if you can and make sure you cause no arguments.If he tries to start one ,ignore him completely.
Whilst being interviewed by social workers ,be cool ,calm and collected and don't start any 'he said this ,i said that,he did this he did that' sort of thing .Tell them nothing about that, let them see for themselves who the argumentative,troublemaker is and make sure it isn't you.Say as little as possible to the Social Worker because whatever you do say , he or she she will take down to use in her reports. Unlike the Police ,social workers do not have to caution you that everything is being noted down and do not have to tape anything or even have a witness. In practice ,if they want something they usually get it and no-one should be surprised if their reports and statements turn out to be concocted and untue. No checks will be made and the Court will take their word for it.This is how they get orders.
Basically ,if they are against you ,you have big problems.If they are against him ,he has.
No matter what the truth is,if they decide after the s 37 enquiry (are you sure it isn't s47?) they want a care order then they will say anything to get it. If they use the angle that the child might be at risk of emotional disturbance due to witnessing arguments then even if the child has never actually witnessed one or if she is found not to be emotionally disturbed ,it is impossible for anyone to demonstrate that a child is not 'at risk' of witnessing one at some time in the future even if mother and father are happily married because every one argues at sometime or other. Every child in the world can be said to be at risk. The question is ; is it significant risk under the meaning of the Children's Act and will threshhold for the care order be crossed in law. This can only be decided by the Judge ,who will do so at her discretion and believe me she will 99.5 per cent of the time exercise her discretion in favour of the Local Authority regardless of the truth or anything you say. I advise you to be quiet and to go along with everything the social worker says even if you know she is wrong and that he has told her lies. Say as little as possible to her and be as quiet as a mouse. Make it clear you have asked for help and support and thay you will accept any they offer. If they want you to go to classes no matter how competent you know you are and however many children you have parented successfully ,go along with them.Let your solicitor do your talking for you and offer to accept and work with any order the Court decides on. Make sure your solicitor makes that offer very clear to the court. If you don't ,they can say you are not willing to accept support and change and the Court will take the child away. You will find that if the Local Authority gets an order, as long as you keep the child, you will then have little interest in you or the child and will just visit you once a month or so so you will have no problems. Everyone will have made a lot of money and the social workers will have covered themselves. Isn't it better then to say to yourself , i have nothing much to lose and everything to gain by accepting an order? i AM OUT OF TIME NOW BUT i SHALL WATCH THIS THREAD . .

absoffice
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Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2012 10:27 am

Re: Urgant social report is wrong

Post by absoffice » Sun Mar 18, 2012 12:43 am

Hi Angie
Thanks, i will take your advice and prey that they allow her to stay with me, i am doing everything they want me to so that's all i can do really.
I will let you know how it goes wish me luck
abs xx

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Urgant social report is wrong

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Mar 19, 2012 11:46 am

Hi Abs

Further to my previous advice, may I suggest that you continue to cooperate with the section 37 report, and any other assessments that are being undertaken. Please contact the police, and log any direct harrassment or threats to your safety as well as provide a copy to the social worker and your solicitor.

The Local Authority will be assessing your parenting capacity and need to evidence the contents of their report, and can be challenged by your solicitor in court.

Ultimately, try to stay positive, avoid getting into unhelpful arguments with or about your child's father. This should allow you to concentrate on meeting your child's needs, and avoid any criticism that you are not prioritising her emotional needs. If you continue to do these things, the final social work report should reflect these positive aspects of your parenting.

Remember it is the judge that will make the final decision about what is in your child best interests at this time. So stay focussed.

Best Wishes


Suzie

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