Husband downloading child images

[Seadog01274]

My husband has now been called in for an interview. 4 months on from them coming to our house with a warrant. In a way I feel so lucky, all the waiting will be over. I was told my CS to prepare for it taking anywhere up to a year. Not too sure what to expect next.

[PerfectlySafeDad]

4 months is good (it took me 10 to come to court, because the computer investigation stuff dragged). It sounds like they may have all the evidence they want, so they'll present him with it and ask for explanations and admission or denial. After that the CPS will take a few weeks to charge him, unless the material is so tiny as to be suitable for a police caution.
He needs to tell the truth about everything, or things won't add up in the long run when probation and SS do their risk assessments. 'Lying' about it is worse, even if the material is very bad. He must take responsibility and make this the starting point for rehabilitation in the authorities eyes. I would advise him if possible to deny any aspect of private mental fantasising about children, though (if he had any), as this makes their risk assessments sky high, despite it not causing any harm in itself. It's an indictment of what a witch hunt it is that I have to say that, otherwise I'd say tell the truth about everything. The courts convict on actual crime, but the social services will persecute on perceived 'thought' in addition to his actual offences.
I wish you luck. Keep heart, it could be their case is so small that no 'contact' condition is placed at all (just internet terms), so that would make it much more feasible for you both to fight - or should I say 'work with' - the Children's Services later.

[Seadog01274]

Thankyou so much for all your help and advice. I thought he would attend next week, then have to wait again for a court date.
Keeping fingers crossed for it not being too much longer until any kind of contact with my daughter. We will stay strong and keep up the fight.

[Foreigner]

Dear seadog,
It still took months in our case before any charges because the prosecution took its time but I guess that depends on how busy they are. Also about the “contact” condition - my partner has restrictions only about the internet including not to contact any children using internet without their parents permission. There is no condition saying that he is to have no unsupervised contact in his SHPO. Yet it made no difference to children services. I still strongly believe that it depends mostly on what social worker you get and how they deal with similar cases.
Cross fingers everything will be over soon and things will start falling in place for you and your family!

[Seadog01274]

Thankyou foreigner! Yes fingers crossed for only restrictions to his online use and not to our family as such. Oh I can imagine it being another few months until the court date as they seem so busy. I’m trying to do everything right by my social worker, grit my teeth and smile!

[May12345]

Seadog how are you doing?

[Seadog01274]

Reality has slowly sunk in that no matter how hard I fight, what am I really fighting for? He isn’t going to be allowed to come home. Over time I’ve started to wonder if I actually want him to come home. Things will never be the same again. At my age this is not what I signed up for. I’ve gone back to work which has given me such strength and confidence in myself again.

[May12345]

Hi Seadog. I'm glad you are back at work and feeling stronger in yourself. With that strength you can get where you want to with your daughter and partner or not whatever you decide. I would like to say you have a choice. I still feel like I have a choice though the SW is doing his best to make me think otherwise. Time will tell I suppose but I for one wouldn't accept CS telling me that our relationship (said loosely as he hasn't lived home for so long) has to end. I personally would only accept that from a judge but we also will not let it get to a point that they could take our children. I hope we will reach resolution soon....

[PerfectlySafeDad]

As always my position on this is unequivocal. The CS ought to have no right and no power whatsoever to force a relationship between two consenting adults to end - IF there's no evidence of any harm towards the children involved, especially if those children are biological offspring of both parents.
It's such a serious serious harassment of a person's personal life, not to mention playing God with the lives of the kids. I don't give a stuff for their mantra 'we have a duty to protect' - if no abuse has happened, then there's nothing to 'protect'. It's unacceptable to enforce measures on the basis of a 'maybe' or by association with another crime (often solely internet offences). 'Concern' for a time, yes, say until charges are brought, and at most periodic check-ups on the kid's welfare for a while after, decreasing in frequency until the case is closed - not with any closet threat, but just sodding off completely to devote their resources where there's proven need.
If you want a relationship with your spouse, and his children want him in their lives, then fight the ***ts. The more people that do this, the less inclined the general body of the CS will be towards fighting. They simply won't have the resources, and it's right that they should sod off to more urgent cases.
Parents have a 'duty to protect' too, which includes a 'right' (or should do) to do it without disproportionate state interference. This should include being trusted, as an adult, to judge for themselves whether an offending spouse loves his own kids normally and safely.

[Seadog01274]

I also want to be able to make that decision myself that it’s over and not have that taken out of my control. I’ve lost control of everything. After attending the nspcc women’s protectors course a lot of reflection since I finished has helped me. How can I have a man who gets pleasure from looking at naked children live in my house with my child? He’s destroyed all my trust in him, I don’t believe him when he tells me “it’s different on a screen”. Attraction doesn’t work like that. If he’s attracted to them in photos then he must be attracted to them in every day life. I don’t know what to believe in what he says I just question everything. Me and my daughter seem to be the ones who have to sacrifice everything for him to come home. He doesn’t seem to be having to give up anything apart from his laptop.