Need some advice please..

Anxious
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby Anxious » Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:26 pm

I need advice!!!

What do i do when i am sending my daughter to nursery and she is returning with bruises but the teachers are not notifying me due to them either not noticing the bruises themselves, they not seeing her hurt herself, my daughter not complaining she has hurt herself so through no fault of theirs but then when i see them i then have to panic about how she got them when i have no explanation apart from the fact she returns home from nursery like this...

Today, for example my daughter returned home with a bruise on side of her forehead but as her hair was down the nursery did not see it and i only noticed it when i put her hair up. I had to phone up the school and talk to her teacher and ask her if she saw her fall over today.. luckily her teacher is extremely understanding of the situation and is also in a panic about the situation because it is absolutely ridiculous that we have to note down and explain every bruise even when we are unsure how it happened. I did tell her that my daughter had mentioned another girl in the class she was playing with and her teacher was able to explain to me that today they were playing together and the little girl had fallen over so maybe this is where it happened but as the bruise had not bothered my daughter she did not complain about it so nobody knew it had happened.

We both said we would make a note so we each know about the situation..

I just don't know what i am supposed to do when i have to constantly go into the nursery asking about every mark every day when nobody else has to in the nursery its so unfair... its a pressure on me, my daughter as i am constantly questioning her about bruises and when doesn't know how she done it she gets upset and its a strain on the teachers as well as they are constantly in a panic and worrying! Arghhh its so frustrating i just want my daughter to have a normal life and be a normal child!!!

ange301126
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:27 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby ange301126 » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:48 pm

Dear Anxious, Is it the same girl with the speech and language difficulties? If it is I can offer you some advice based on my own experience.If she has no difficulties with communicating now,however,the advice will be somewhat irrelevant,so discount it.
If she is having these s and l difficulties, at her age she shouldn't be in a nursery yet.Before you send her anywhere you should report your worries to a doctor and ask him to refer you to a special needs consultant paediatrician in the community.She will assess her and may refer to a hospital consultant for a diagnosis,then an educational psychologist who can arrange for her to attend a special needs assessment centre.
These children should be in special schools not mainstream because the staff just cannot cope, they don't have the training.

You already know she has tantrums and how trying she can be.She has them because she cannot communicate and is expressing her frustration especially when she isn't getting her own way or if she is interrupted.She may throw herself to the ground (or even strike out at others not to harm them but to make them understand)

Special needs nurseries and schools know how to deal with it. They have ways of communicating and if they go into a paddy they place them into a sensory room which calms them and is completely safe.They are soft and you can't bruise yourself.

If you rely on mainstream school or nursery staff to recognise the problem you will wait a long,long time for a diagnosis and statement of special educational needs, believe me!
Set the ball rolling yourself through your GP right now and take her out of the nursery until she has been fully assessed.

Good luck!

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jun 06, 2014 11:04 am

Dear Anxious

I am sorry to hear that there does not appear to be an adequate communication system in place with regards your child's nursery.

In addition to the very helpful advice from Ange, can I suggest you keep a daily log of incidents for your own safekeeping, and a separate one that you share in writing with the nursery. You could ask for a meeting to discuss your concerns.

It is crucial that you are kept informed of any accidents your child has and these are recorded in their accident book. If they are not doing this you would probably have grounds to make a complaint, especially if you feel your child is being treated differently to the other children or being placed at risk.

Of course this should not be confused with making a complaint against Children's Services but you will want to protect yourself from the possibility of any allegations being made against you regarding your child.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes

Suzie

Anxious
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby Anxious » Fri Jun 06, 2014 11:10 am

My daughter does not have the speech and language difficulties that is my son. He is not at nursery yet as i feel it is too soon for him as he has just turned 2..

My daughter is well able to speak but is constantly returning home with bruises.. not severe ones just little ones from playing but as the teachers are not concerned about them and they are not large enough for them to really notice unless they actually examined her they do not notify me. It is only when i get her home and bath her that i see them. So i have now started taking photos before school and then checking when she gets out of school and logging all new bruises and then notifying the school of them. My daughter is not a crier and will not cry if she hurts herself if it doesn't bother her she will only cry if she has really hurt herself or if she sees blood other wise she does not run to the teacher every minute..

The teacher has now explained to my daughter that she has to tell them if she has a fall or a bump so that they can tell me as i have to know of every single mark or bruise. Its unbelievably impossible to do and i think very unrealistic! As i am not with her at school how can i see what happens and i think its unfair for the teachers to have so much pressure on watching her every move when they have other children they also need to be looking out for. Everyone is in a terrible panic all the time its not a fair and realistic condition to be asking of anyone when you have a child that is accident prone and is very physical and active.

Anxious
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby Anxious » Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:26 am

Hello everyone, looking for a bit of advice if any of you can give me some..

I have the second child in need review meeting in July... We have fully cooperated and engaged with all services and advice offered to us by social services and the professionals involved and there have been no incidents at all which would lead social services to be concerned over the children..

My FSW has told me that she doesn't see why social services would need to continue their involvement any more and that they should end their involvement in the next review meeting in July. I believe this as well as we have done everything asked of us and most of the services are ending this month or have already been completed. Now my partner has been cleared of all allegations against him and he is now allowed to live in the family home and have the children unsupervised i do not see why social services will need to stay in our lives. However, i will still engage with the professional services put in place to help my son as they have been excellent!

I was told by another social worker from a different borough to mine that if social services insist upon staying involved when there is no valid reason and if they are trying to stay involved for longer than a year that i can take them to court. Does anyone know if this is true?

Thanks

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jun 09, 2014 10:58 am

Hi Anxious

A child in need plan is a voluntary arrangement which can only continue with your agreement. Children's Services have no right to "insist" on staying involved in this way if you disagree. If you request that the case is closed, Children's Services must either comply with this or escalate the matter back to a child protection investigation. To do this, they would have to be able to justify that the children would be at risk of significant harm without their involvement.

Hopefully your mind will be put at rest and Children's Services will agree with you (and the FSW) that it is appropriate for the current plan to end in July.

If Children's Services are suggesting a further period of involvement, however, I would suggest that you write to them clarifying your own position (i.e. that you do not believe this is necessary or in the children's best interests), emphasise what you have said here- that you have cooperated fully throughout and will continue to engage with professional agencies as this is clearly benefitting your son. Ask Children's Services to explain why they feel the child in need plan should continue and what their position would be if you did not feel able to agree to this.

In terms of court involvement, I think that your friend is referring to taking the local authority to Judicial Review. This means asking the court to rule that their actions are unlawful. This is a complex process and usually only comes after the complaints process has been exhausted if the matter is still not resolved. Hopefully this won’t be the case for your situation.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser

Anxious
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby Anxious » Mon Jun 09, 2014 4:06 pm

Thank you Suzie for your response..

So yet again my daughter has come out of nursery with a fresh bruise on her head and none of the teachers noticed!!! I inspect my daughter as soon as she is out of the classroom before i take her home... So i showed her teacher who couldnt believe it that she had bumped her head again but when we asked my daughter how she done it she just said someone hurt her but wouldnt say who or how..

I asked her again at home and she finally told me she had bumped heads with a boy in her class..

This is what social workers do not understand my daughter is getting bruises at school not at home and if i am not at school with her how can i possibly know how they were done if she doesnt tell me herself or if none of the teachers have seen it happen?!!!!!

Its like i cannot win!!!

ange301126
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:27 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby ange301126 » Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:58 am

Dear Anxious, Take her out of nursery and keep her at home until she starts school. Or find a better nursery with more and better supervisors.You cannot be expected to tolerate your daughter getting bruised so regularly.

Anxious
Posts: 113
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 5:38 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby Anxious » Tue Jun 10, 2014 7:50 pm

I would love too but my little girl loves the nursery and has settled well and made some nice little friends. The teaching staff are really understanding of my situation and have given nothing but good feedback to the social worker that is why at this moment in time i do not think that it would be a good idea to remove her and would only arouse suspicion from social services.. I just have to keep taking note of all bruises making sure the teachers see them too before i leave the school and also keeping photographic evidence!

ange301126
Posts: 536
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:27 pm

Re: Need some advice please..

Postby ange301126 » Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:05 pm

Dear Anxious,That's a great idea about the photographic evidence and if that social worker comes round you can bring it out and tell her to shove her notebook up her jacksy!


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