domestic violance help

[cath1972]

hi im new to this my partner of 7 years was a kind and gentle man when i first met him even tho i new he smoked canabis(i didnt) we where happy for 5 years then he lost his job and where we lived we where harassed my a neighbour that made out lifes hell we moved to a new area and he started suffering from depression and started smoking alot more of that stuff because he lost his job and started feeling useless that he couldnt provide for his family i have 3 teenagers from a previous relationship about 2 years ago he started geting verbally abusive i cant say i was an angel tho i didnt help i argued back he would give me a tap from time 2 time then about 9 months ago things got worse we would argue alot and it would turn into voilence he would hit me and i wouldnt back down id still argue back some times id hit him back trying to protect myself about a month ago the police where called and they arrested him he appeared in court and was put on remand and is still there till the court case im not supporting the cps decision to prosecute him and told the cps why that i hit him as well anyway social services came out 3 weeks ago and talked to me which i made it quiet plain it was over cos i was still upset and angry so the folllowing week they came to see my children and my kids told them that i was a good mother and did try and protect them from seeing all of this they seem him hit me and the bruises but i never hit my partner in front of the kids but he did hit me but they never seen me provoke him he was like a wind up toy id wind me him up and he would muller what i said over and get angry then he would explode and some times in was in front of my kids when the social worker was here seeing the kids they kids told her they dont want him living here i opened up and told her everything that yes i was no angel and at times i provoked him i was truthfully honest with her and didnt wantto hide anything i said when he gets out and gets some specialist help and get the help he needs that in time id like him to be in my life and maybe build this family again only if he gets help now social want to see me next month for a children in need meeting and im worried

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Cath1972

Welcome to the parents discussion board, my name is Suzie one of the Family Right’s Group’s online advisers.

I am sorry to hear that you are so worried about Children’s Services involvement with you and your family.

In your post you say that Children’s Services are planning to hold a child in need meeting. The purpose of this will be so they can meet with you and the relevant professionals to assess and consider what support they can offer you in relation to the domestic abuse, some of which has been witnessed by the children.

As part of their assessment, the Local Authority will want to see how far you are able to understand the Local Authority’s concerns, and whether you are able to prioritise the children’s emotional needs, and ability to keep the children safe both now and in the future.

The social worker will want your permission to speak to the children to obtain their views and wishes. You may find it helpful to refer to the following Women’s Aid resources for young people called http://www.burstingthebubble.com/ and adults National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

The social workers may also be worried that even though your partner is serving a custodial sentence, you say that you have plans to get back together when he has come out of prison. Therefore, they will want to know if you will continue to work with professionals and ask for help both now and in the future.

Can I suggest that you fully engage in the Child in Need assessment and be open to accept the supports they are offering you at this time. To help prepare for the meeting you may find it helpful to look at our advice sheet on family support.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[cath1972]

he is on remand till the court case but the cps are looking to drop the common assult charges so the only charges against him will be for canabis i will work with social services all the way now and in the future my partner is going to go live with his mum forn a bit when he gets out and seek professional help but in time id like for us to work on rebulding this relationship social services have come already to talk to the kids and because of what they seen and its not long since this happened they told social worker they dont want him living here again i told the social worker when she came that in time and with the right help for him id like to be with him but they said we are not interested in him at all and we are only interested in myself and the kids which i understand i told her he is willing to get help and she still was not interested