why did it take 7 years and 2 kids later for me to see it all! I've been refered to the butterfly project. I wish every day I took the steps to leave him b4 xmas but he made me so guilty by saying he was losing out on our sons xmas! My mums being my rock atm and my cousin I dnt want to ever feel like that again like I couldn't be trusted ect, I've let my poor son down just like I always said I wouldn't, I new how I felt as a child. As for baby I no its a long shot as I did very wrong for my oldest but I really would like to be given the chance of a mum and baby foster placement, I want to suggest me and baby moved in with my dad but due to my history when I was a baby to 9 year I don't think that would be a great idea asking, I could sleep on my mums sofa but they will probs say no, so the foster placement would be lovely, I want to prove I can do it, I've got so much of my old self back theses last few weeks but I'm so scared of being given 2 kids in 12 months n being a single mum, how would I cope :s so a foster placement just for me n baby would let me settle get into a routine and if ss see and decide I can do it I will only have to adjust to my son coming back not the 2 of them.
I'm scared of what the future holds with never being alone before but I'm also excited to give it a good go and try prove the single mum I can be.
I don't feel as down anymore, hardly cry, even my sons seen a change and hasn't really been asking for his dad atal he's becoming a mummys boy
in 3 years he's always been for his dad now its me. I really don't want the ex at my labour nor on his birth certificate but I'm worried the effect it may have on my 2 as thy grow same dads but differ names n he will only bother with our 1st if I say no to putting him on it,do u think its a good idea or bad? I'm not sure I want my boys to feel differ or any other emotions that may cause for them? I am really sorry for how I was n treated my 1st I don't no how I can really express how much I regret not leaving when I was going to, I'm trying everything to put it all right, which is y I'm so adimant I want to b given that chance to stay with baby to give him the proper start I shoulda gave my 1st