SS involved because of DH's drug problem

[anonymousemum]

Hi, first post

My DH has had an ongoing drug problem (predominenetly Heroin) since early teens.

When we met he was on a high dose of Methodane (horrid drug, even worse to get off than Heroin). Many years later and a several "mess ups" mainly contributed to by mistakes by Drug Treatment Agencies (incorrect prescriptions, not providing methadone whilst in hospital, etc) and he had drastically reduced, no intention of "messing up" and looking for support in getting off the "last little bit". Meanwhile we had married, he had a job and we decided to start a family.

Methadone was still an unpleasant part of our lives, but apart from the hassle from the DTA things were good and he hadn't "messed up" for years and had no intention of doing. Then he was pushed into a detox situation with little support and riddiculed for not being cooperative - made out that the low dose was a placebo rather than treatment.

Anyway, he messed up, detoxed privately and came out a mess. Self esteem was already at an all time low and we were both shocked at how severely he suffered afterwards. "Felt like the pleasant feeling of the Heroin / Methodone had gone and been replaced by an intense feeling of unhappiness" + continued to have withdrawal type symptoms for 1 month. Private clinic didnt care, GP was only willing to treat as per their recommendation, catch 22.

So back on topic had strong suspicions he was using again, but hadnt tackled him on it due to Christmas and honestly not knowing how to go about it. Always said if he used after our child was born I'd leave, BUT he is a good Dad, would never do anything around her and it hadn't got out of control so tried to hope for the best (mistaken) and prepare for the worst whilst being vidgilent.

Then last week he 'fessed up. Already keen to stop - full detox off all opiates. Has sought help and like I said he's a good Dad, plus she's still young enough to be oblivious so agreed to support under those terms, although reaslistically he's on his own sorting it - just no plans to break up our family over something he's determined to stop.

Next day I had a phone call at work from Social Services. Did I know he was a risk to our daughter? Total shock!

No idea what's really going on. They said it was because I was unaware, but now they know I know are still coming out to do an initial assessment and wanting to talk to other people about her. Apparantely the DTA worker hubby spoke to referred her.

Really gratefull for any advice as I'm keen for their envolvement to stop asap as IF he sorts himself out without them involved there would have been no need for her to ever know he'd had a problem.

Also got a big problem as next week (before the initial assessment) I'm supposed to be going to a training event with work for a full day. Normally there'd be no problem leaving her with him. In these circumstances we were planning on asking his Mum (unaware - would have noticed if it had escolated) to come for the day so he could go off to the shed when he needs to. Discussed it with him and compromise would be that when he need to do it (would be twice whilst I'm gone) he would get her a snack, put her favourite tv on in the lounge and once she's happy go off to the spare room with the window open where he could hear her and would put it down and come out to tend to her if she needed him. Under "normal" circumstances he'd only ever do it in the shed. Now I'd be happyish with this as a one off, but would SS agree??? Do I need to cancel my training? Take her with me? Both are far from ideal, but obviously she comes first. Does anyone know what their view would be???

Many thanks

[mimzy1991]

Hello congrats on finding this site early, I wish I had!
Dont know much in regards to CS but from what I have read on several sites if they think someone could be a risk to a child, they are treat as a risk until they have done full assessments. Best thing to do would probably be dont leave your child unsupervised with him, particularly if he will be under the influence of a substance, this will look better on your behalf as it shows you are co-operating and understand their initial concerns. They might decide as long as he is getting clean and until he is come out every week or so to keep up to date on progress, or they might do a core assessment on you and realise you are fully able to protect your child and see no reason for further action. You dont allow him to use in the house, and from what I read the child isnt aware of what is going on, so these are good points. He wants to be clean again and is working towards this, again thats good, and you understand he has a problem, have taken steps to ensure it doesnt come in the house, so hopefully the SW will just offer some additional support
I dont know how you feel on their involvement but maybe you could offer to enter a written agreement saying you wont let him use in the house, and wont leave the child unsupervised until he is clean, this shows to them you are willing to work with them.
Hope it works out, you sound like your doing everything right so you shouldn't worry too much

[mimzy1991]

Also bit of advice- careful which sites you get advice from. I made the mistake of joining a few where its full of extremists and people giving out bizzare advice including "flee the Country" :-/
this site and Netmums are the only ones with any credability to me

[anonymousemum]

Hi Mimzy

Thanks for the reply. We had a really good talk tonight and agreed that I'm going to be with her 24/7 at least until they've been and we understand what their concerns are. Which is going to make my life pretty difficult, but after reading posts on here the last thing we want is for them to decide he's a threat to her (can't see how he would be) AND that I'm unfit as I've failed to protect her by allowing him sole care after they've told me he could be a threat.

Thing is after speaking to them neither of us is clear whether they are saying they believe him to be a threat or that they want to make sure we are taking steps to make sure she isn't adversely affected by his drug taking. Would ring to find out if it wasn't the weekend. Originally they said only concern was that "I wasn't aware", but they are still doing an initial assessment so must be something else.

Just want it over and done with

Thanks

[mimzy1991]

Once they recieve a referral they have to do a visit, mainly to cover their backs- if they ignored it then a child ended up abused its them who have to answer to why they failed to act. Daft when you see families dragging up kids with no involvement but lifes not fair!
They will probably want reassurance he is working towards getting clean, and what you's do to protect your child. Considering she isnt aware, you must be doing something right so try not to worry, and you's are being responsible and acting accordingly which looks good on you and will please the SW- Im sure they prefer families willing to co- operate than families turning a blind eye and burrying their heads in the sand.
They may do further assessments into the family background etc but it sounds like you are able to protect your child well so it should work out okay