Where do i start i suppose the begining...At the end of july last year i had ss at my door asking to talk with me about my daughter(who was 11 at the time)i let her in and asked what the hell was going on,she replyed they had been called in by my daughters school(old one as she was moving up in september) then she went on to say that my daughter had been really upset and had thoughts about killing her self(as me and her dad had split in the march) and said how she felt everyone at school was against her....
So this was why they felt she needed help(as she put it) also she said that she had a report that i took Drugs at that i was very shocked as i have never taken drugs she said that because it was eleged that i took drugs there was nothing she could do about what was said in the report..i was very open with her and told her about mine and my ex's past that we had been together 16 years but the last 4 years he had turned to drink,no matter how many times i asked he to quit he never did so i was trying to keep my family together for the sake of my children but sometimes when he was drunk he would start to argue with me(he never laid a finger on me or the children)but would shout untill i could calm him down...
and i also told her how when we split in March both my children were upset about their dad leaving as was i but i felf the situation could not go on any longer,and started divorce processeding ,he stayed with friends untill may where we sobered up and said how sorry he was for putting me and the children though the last few years and he wanted to try again so in may i said i would try again so he moved back into the family home.. everything was very strained but we tried then in june everything went wrong the strain of trying to rebuild our lifes together took its toll and we ended up having a really big fight (where we both started to hit each other)in front of the children (yes we both know it was the wrong thing to do but it happened and we can't change that) at this the social worker decieded she could not close the case and had to talk to her manager... we arrange to meet again in a few weeks and at the meeting she told me the case could not be closed and she would have to work with me and daughter(but not my son who lives in the same house),,,i was a bit shocked as never thought the matter would go any further as my ex had moved out and me and the children were rebuilding our lifes together...
so i have been working with my social worker so she will close the case asap any way i feel in love with a man who moved in very quickly to my home everything was really good for a few weeks with him but it turned out he was a jelouse type and everything i did was wrong so he use to argue with me.. anyway one night when he started again i walked out of my home and decieded to walk on the beach(very late at night) to try and sort my head out,, i phoned my ex as we were starting to get on again and i told him how i felt that life was crap and i had had enough with everything he asked me where i was so told him then i hung up !! the next thing i know while looking at the sea and moon trying ti think of the best next step to take the coast gards and police arrived.. asking me to come with them told them to ff as i was fine at this they draged me up put me in the police car and drove me home.....i was like omg what the hell apparantly my ex had phoned them as he thought i was going to do something stupid(as i suffer from depresstion/bipolar) the police left and me and my new partner talked and i told him what he was like and i could not take it any more so the next day he left but my socail worked turned up saying she knew what had happened and that she was very concerend about my daughters feelings that she thought my daughter thought i would take my own life...i tried to reasure her that this was not the case and that me and my daughter had talked that morning about the night before....but she said it wasn't good enough and said i needed a support worker.... even tho i thought i never needed one i agreed to have a support worker..anyway everything was going fine untill my ex moved back in in november as he was kicked out(from his girlfriends house) from where he was and had no where else to go untill march when he can get a caravan to live in.. so we talked to the children and explaned the situation that it would only be for a few months they understand this and know their dad is moving out again in march.....
well a few weeks back the strain of living together had taken its toll yet again and we ended up haveing a very big fight again where i was draged down the stairs and we fought...in front of the children.. so the next morning i moved out of the house and stayed with a friend for a few weeks to try and sort my life out and decied what to do for the best but each day i saw the children whiles i was with my friend i saw my support worker and we talked about the next step for me and the children ... i told her i had an appointment with my socail worker the next day and felt i did'nt want to see her as she always seems to judge me she said she thought it would be best if i did see her so i agreed.. the next day i saw my social worker at the nearest childrens center where in the room there was 2 other people besides my social worker where they began talking to each other and over my head where one said she would talk to my daughter about domestic violence at that i said there was no need but this person insited she needed it to explan to my daughter that it was not right for any one to hit each other and so on.. then my social worker said that she thought the children where in danger of my ex hitting them at this i replyed that that was not true as he would never touch the children she insisted that there was a chance as he had hit me at this i did start to get rather mad and told her after 16 years of being together that the 2 times were the only time...and that my ex was a good man and would never touch them then all 3 started to say that i didnt understand and wasnt listening to them what they were saying and they were right and i was wrong...then she said she was worried about my son so he will have to be assed i said all this time you have beening seeing me you were never worried before about my son but now you are??.. to this she said yes to say the least i got more and more angry and decieded not to talk to any off them again as they were not listening to me at all i thought to myself that was it i'm never talking to my socail worker again....i know i have to but i was sooo mad i felt let down alone i just dont know what to do for the best any more and i can feel im getting depressed trying to cope with all this my daughter and my son now are both scared that they will be taken away from me i'v tried to tell them that they wont be but it makes no diffence.. i ask my sw for all reports that have been wrote about me and my children but she said she has given them to me already i said she hadn't she said she did then i said do not call me a liar you have not given me anything to which she repyled ok she will give them me next time she sees me which is next tuesday i said i would like to see them before then so i can understand more what has been said about us,she said she could not do this so what do i do i have no family or friends where i live so the only person i talk to is my support worker just dont know what to do any more i feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel can anyone give me a bit of advice please and im sorry its been a long post
Dont know where to start,or what to do!!
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4234
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Dont know where to start,or what to do!!
Hi Nuttyslob
Welcome to the discussion boards and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am an adviser at FRG. Sorry it has taken a few days for me to respond to you.
I’m sorry to hear about the difficult situation that you and your family find yourselves in. It sounds as though it has been a confusing and upsetting few months for you all.
You say that Children’s Services (Social Services) got involved with your family back in July 2012 and that they have remained involved since that time. From what you have said, their involvement has focused solely on your daughter up until now.
Am I right in thinking that your daughter is subject to a “"child in need" plan”?
More recently, Children’s Services have raised new concerns and have said that they intend to assess your son. Do they intend to assess him as part of a child protection process do you know?
Services will be very concerned that the children have witnessed more than one violent incident between you and your husband. They will class this as the children having witnessed domestic violence.
Although you are clear that these incidents were not typical of your husband and that that the issues are now resolved because you are living separately, Children’s Services will be focussing on the fact that there was more than one incident and each incident was were quite severe. They will also be concerned about the arguing between you and your husband as well as your ex partner, as the children are likely to have been aware if this.
There is a lot of research and evidence to shows that children can be very affected by domestic violence, whether this involves physical violence, shouting or other forms of abuse. This is why Children’s Services will feel it is necessary to assess both of your children further to assess how much they have been aware of the difficulties that you admit have been in the house and how this has affected them.
It sounds as though you are working very hard to safeguard your children and move your lives forward so it must feel very upsetting and frustrating to have the social worker seem to judge and criticise you. I would advise, however, that you continue to co-operate with Children’s Services as much as you can.
Children’s Services have a responsibility to assess children who may be “in need” or “at risk of harm”. Their role is to safeguard children and do what is in their best interests. Obviously this is your role as a mum too!
Although you may not agree with the way the social worker is doing certain things or the conclusions she reaches, it important to make sure she knows that your children are your priority, that you are doing everything you can to safeguard them and that you are willing and able to continue to co-operate with professionals in their best interests (as you have done very well so far)
It might be helpful for you to write to the social worker, emphasising the above but also asking her to clarify for you,
· Exactly what her concerns are
· Exactly what assessments are being carried out, what they will involve and when they are likely to be finished
· What plans she has for the children in the short and longer term (e.g. is she planning to hold a child protection conference)
You have a right to expect that the social worker will be open, honest and respectful in her conversations with you. If you feel that she is not doing this or you are unhappy with the way your family is being treated, you could consider making a formal complaint.
Given that you have longstanding relationship with the social worker, however, and that this seems to have been largely positive, it may be best to try to resolve things with her directly first.
I hope this is a useful start nuttyslob. I have included links to some of our advice sheets above, where you can find more information.
Do keep posting to let us know how things are going or if you have any further questions. You are also welcome to call our free and confidential advice line (0808 801 0366), which is open from 9.30- 3.30, Monday- Friday.
Best Wishes
Suzie
FRG Adviser
Welcome to the discussion boards and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie and I am an adviser at FRG. Sorry it has taken a few days for me to respond to you.
I’m sorry to hear about the difficult situation that you and your family find yourselves in. It sounds as though it has been a confusing and upsetting few months for you all.
You say that Children’s Services (Social Services) got involved with your family back in July 2012 and that they have remained involved since that time. From what you have said, their involvement has focused solely on your daughter up until now.
Am I right in thinking that your daughter is subject to a “"child in need" plan”?
More recently, Children’s Services have raised new concerns and have said that they intend to assess your son. Do they intend to assess him as part of a child protection process do you know?
Services will be very concerned that the children have witnessed more than one violent incident between you and your husband. They will class this as the children having witnessed domestic violence.
Although you are clear that these incidents were not typical of your husband and that that the issues are now resolved because you are living separately, Children’s Services will be focussing on the fact that there was more than one incident and each incident was were quite severe. They will also be concerned about the arguing between you and your husband as well as your ex partner, as the children are likely to have been aware if this.
There is a lot of research and evidence to shows that children can be very affected by domestic violence, whether this involves physical violence, shouting or other forms of abuse. This is why Children’s Services will feel it is necessary to assess both of your children further to assess how much they have been aware of the difficulties that you admit have been in the house and how this has affected them.
It sounds as though you are working very hard to safeguard your children and move your lives forward so it must feel very upsetting and frustrating to have the social worker seem to judge and criticise you. I would advise, however, that you continue to co-operate with Children’s Services as much as you can.
Children’s Services have a responsibility to assess children who may be “in need” or “at risk of harm”. Their role is to safeguard children and do what is in their best interests. Obviously this is your role as a mum too!
Although you may not agree with the way the social worker is doing certain things or the conclusions she reaches, it important to make sure she knows that your children are your priority, that you are doing everything you can to safeguard them and that you are willing and able to continue to co-operate with professionals in their best interests (as you have done very well so far)
It might be helpful for you to write to the social worker, emphasising the above but also asking her to clarify for you,
· Exactly what her concerns are
· Exactly what assessments are being carried out, what they will involve and when they are likely to be finished
· What plans she has for the children in the short and longer term (e.g. is she planning to hold a child protection conference)
You have a right to expect that the social worker will be open, honest and respectful in her conversations with you. If you feel that she is not doing this or you are unhappy with the way your family is being treated, you could consider making a formal complaint.
Given that you have longstanding relationship with the social worker, however, and that this seems to have been largely positive, it may be best to try to resolve things with her directly first.
I hope this is a useful start nuttyslob. I have included links to some of our advice sheets above, where you can find more information.
Do keep posting to let us know how things are going or if you have any further questions. You are also welcome to call our free and confidential advice line (0808 801 0366), which is open from 9.30- 3.30, Monday- Friday.
Best Wishes
Suzie
FRG Adviser
Re: Dont know where to start,or what to do!!
thank you for your reply,
last week i ask to ses the notes/reports to see what is cracking off this lead to a meeting last tuesday with the sw and her team leader, they were with me for 2 hours i explaned my issuse with the sw and how she has been handling the case weird as she never said a word all the time she was here it was her team leader!! he sugested that she handle things differently so that i felt i was being heard and that at all meeting from now on with other parties invold i should be made more included rather then being over talked at... im hoping things from now on will be better so we can move on and get them to close the case.. will keep you updated
last week i ask to ses the notes/reports to see what is cracking off this lead to a meeting last tuesday with the sw and her team leader, they were with me for 2 hours i explaned my issuse with the sw and how she has been handling the case weird as she never said a word all the time she was here it was her team leader!! he sugested that she handle things differently so that i felt i was being heard and that at all meeting from now on with other parties invold i should be made more included rather then being over talked at... im hoping things from now on will be better so we can move on and get them to close the case.. will keep you updated
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4234
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Dont know where to start,or what to do!!
That's really good to hear. I am glad that things are on a better footing now.
Suzie
Suzie
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