Mum vs Social. Advice needed!
Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2019 11:30 am
I’m sorry it’s such a long one, I’m out of resources and come across this forum and hopefully somebody has some advice for me!
Back in August 17 my partner of a few months was arrested for iioc. The police went about informing me in a very disrespectful way. They went to my grandmothers address, used her phone & told me over the phone in the middle of her kitchen, with her present, what had happened. Instant reaction was ‘oh my gosh, I don’t believe it’ - normal shocked reaction. They informed SS I didn’t believe them and I was to continue my relationship with him even though I have a young daughter from a previous relationship.
So, social ring me, I explained that he had explained everything to me once he’d been released under investigation. They did an initial assessment, he’d never been alone with her & I had told him I wasn’t up for dealing with it and that I think it was best we don’t see each other in that’s way anymore - case closed.
Fast forward a few weeks, find out I’m pregnant. Great, wonderful what do I do.. I decided I’d keep the baby, I told him and he was happy but also very worried. Seen the midwife etc, spoke to his solicitor about it and he said let’s see what happens during the pregnancy as it could be done by the time baby’s born. Nothing happened had my son, life was good.
Daughters nursery start asking her questions. Removed her from the setting, reported it to the owner & reported them to ofstead.
We’d been having casual sex, meeting up when I was child free etc kept everything very separate. I was still the mum I needed to be but I allowed myself to let my hair down.
Just before Easter this year a rape allegation was made by somebody against my partner, police come here to see if he was here I told them where they could find him. He wasn’t home at the time he called me an hour later asking if I could take him to the station so I get childcare and I go take him. I asked him to give me his phone as I pay the bill and legally it’s mine if they need it fair enough but I’m not just handing it over I want to know who’s got it and I want something to say they have it.
Go out for lunch with a friend and our kids. Pull into a parking space blocked in by a police car. Wonderful here we go. Asked what I can help with they have the power to search my car for said phone. I explain it’s not in the car it’s at home on the kitchen side let them do the search anyway & the person leading the investigation explains if I don’t go home and allow them to get it I’ll be arrested and they’ll smash the door in. I explained I’m out for lunch with a friend I’ve not seen for over 6 months with two hungry children. It’s going to take me an hour and a half to get home. My kids need lunch. Managed to get hold of a friend to allow police in with a key. Take mobile and Xbox.
Contacted social explained what happened, safeguarding is basically the same crossed paths for a few seconds here and there when I’ve waited for my mum to have my kids etc but got a letter two days later NFA. - still haven’t asked about my son nor have I told them. Clearly aren’t doing everything properly so leave them to their shambles. More for me to use against them should I need it.
Daughter starts school Monday, I explained how there’s one morning I have a hospital appointment in November and I’m struggling to find somebody to walk her to school & if the school agreed could I ask partner to take her? School now think I’m an a hole risk to my kids. Contacted SS behind my back didn’t even inform me first & my child hasn’t even started yet. Been told SS will be ringing me regarding the contact as on 2 occasions him and a mutual friend collected daughter from nursery as I was stuck in an accident. Nans 84 can’t walk far with COPD and dropped her less than a 2 minute drive away from the nursery to my grandmother. Never alone together always ensured I’ve done right by my kids first.
Now awaiting the phone call from the dragons den & see what bull they throw my way for this.
In my head I know the law is innocent till proven guilty. Obviously if I say this to social I’m a risk to my own children. So it’s a case of I know the risks, I did everything I could to ensure no alone time with child & so can you do one again please.
But this has been going on for over 2 years in total. The report to social from police was had 2 images and sent 2 images. These were sent to him on KIK as drop box files and he showed the lady he was sleeping with at the time as it was a mutual friend of there’s then deleted everything to do with him. I’m not being funny but the description he gave me means they fall into category C images. But now with the rape charge because he up’d and left as we’d basically had a falling out and he thought that would help him hanging too that’s been around 5 months now. Said person waited till evidence window was over & claims to of said no half way through isn’t rape as originally said yes - police from that investigation told me no risk to me or the kids and we could still go on holiday together which we did because the law told me I could and there were no conditions to his bail on either case. Was a lovely 2 week break I won’t lie.
Contacted his solicitor who was as helpful as a chocolate tea pot. Waiting on my family law solicitor to contact me again.
I don’t know the reason for this but am I doing all that can be expected of me at this point? Is it worth him chasing police or just leave it? I understand there’s a risk but there’s no evidence at present. Both arrests were ‘on suspicion of’ - if that makes any difference.
And as a mum I’m putting my children first. We can’t help who we fall for & im allowed to have a life too right?
Thanks in advance,
StrugglingMum101
Back in August 17 my partner of a few months was arrested for iioc. The police went about informing me in a very disrespectful way. They went to my grandmothers address, used her phone & told me over the phone in the middle of her kitchen, with her present, what had happened. Instant reaction was ‘oh my gosh, I don’t believe it’ - normal shocked reaction. They informed SS I didn’t believe them and I was to continue my relationship with him even though I have a young daughter from a previous relationship.
So, social ring me, I explained that he had explained everything to me once he’d been released under investigation. They did an initial assessment, he’d never been alone with her & I had told him I wasn’t up for dealing with it and that I think it was best we don’t see each other in that’s way anymore - case closed.
Fast forward a few weeks, find out I’m pregnant. Great, wonderful what do I do.. I decided I’d keep the baby, I told him and he was happy but also very worried. Seen the midwife etc, spoke to his solicitor about it and he said let’s see what happens during the pregnancy as it could be done by the time baby’s born. Nothing happened had my son, life was good.
Daughters nursery start asking her questions. Removed her from the setting, reported it to the owner & reported them to ofstead.
We’d been having casual sex, meeting up when I was child free etc kept everything very separate. I was still the mum I needed to be but I allowed myself to let my hair down.
Just before Easter this year a rape allegation was made by somebody against my partner, police come here to see if he was here I told them where they could find him. He wasn’t home at the time he called me an hour later asking if I could take him to the station so I get childcare and I go take him. I asked him to give me his phone as I pay the bill and legally it’s mine if they need it fair enough but I’m not just handing it over I want to know who’s got it and I want something to say they have it.
Go out for lunch with a friend and our kids. Pull into a parking space blocked in by a police car. Wonderful here we go. Asked what I can help with they have the power to search my car for said phone. I explain it’s not in the car it’s at home on the kitchen side let them do the search anyway & the person leading the investigation explains if I don’t go home and allow them to get it I’ll be arrested and they’ll smash the door in. I explained I’m out for lunch with a friend I’ve not seen for over 6 months with two hungry children. It’s going to take me an hour and a half to get home. My kids need lunch. Managed to get hold of a friend to allow police in with a key. Take mobile and Xbox.
Contacted social explained what happened, safeguarding is basically the same crossed paths for a few seconds here and there when I’ve waited for my mum to have my kids etc but got a letter two days later NFA. - still haven’t asked about my son nor have I told them. Clearly aren’t doing everything properly so leave them to their shambles. More for me to use against them should I need it.
Daughter starts school Monday, I explained how there’s one morning I have a hospital appointment in November and I’m struggling to find somebody to walk her to school & if the school agreed could I ask partner to take her? School now think I’m an a hole risk to my kids. Contacted SS behind my back didn’t even inform me first & my child hasn’t even started yet. Been told SS will be ringing me regarding the contact as on 2 occasions him and a mutual friend collected daughter from nursery as I was stuck in an accident. Nans 84 can’t walk far with COPD and dropped her less than a 2 minute drive away from the nursery to my grandmother. Never alone together always ensured I’ve done right by my kids first.
Now awaiting the phone call from the dragons den & see what bull they throw my way for this.
In my head I know the law is innocent till proven guilty. Obviously if I say this to social I’m a risk to my own children. So it’s a case of I know the risks, I did everything I could to ensure no alone time with child & so can you do one again please.
But this has been going on for over 2 years in total. The report to social from police was had 2 images and sent 2 images. These were sent to him on KIK as drop box files and he showed the lady he was sleeping with at the time as it was a mutual friend of there’s then deleted everything to do with him. I’m not being funny but the description he gave me means they fall into category C images. But now with the rape charge because he up’d and left as we’d basically had a falling out and he thought that would help him hanging too that’s been around 5 months now. Said person waited till evidence window was over & claims to of said no half way through isn’t rape as originally said yes - police from that investigation told me no risk to me or the kids and we could still go on holiday together which we did because the law told me I could and there were no conditions to his bail on either case. Was a lovely 2 week break I won’t lie.
Contacted his solicitor who was as helpful as a chocolate tea pot. Waiting on my family law solicitor to contact me again.
I don’t know the reason for this but am I doing all that can be expected of me at this point? Is it worth him chasing police or just leave it? I understand there’s a risk but there’s no evidence at present. Both arrests were ‘on suspicion of’ - if that makes any difference.
And as a mum I’m putting my children first. We can’t help who we fall for & im allowed to have a life too right?
Thanks in advance,
StrugglingMum101