will they take my baby?

[mummyof2]

I have a 4year old daughter who I am a single parent to, she lives at home with me and social services are not involved with us at all. I was friends with this guy I met through my daughters father 3years ago, after my daughters dad and I split up we lost touch. We got back in touch last year. I got drunk and ended up having a one night stand with this man. I then found out he has children in care so I cut all contact with him as I didn't wish to have someone like that involved in my daughters life. 4weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I am now 20weeks pregnant and so scared my children will be taken away because of this man and his own history with his children. Will childrens services want to do a pre-birth assessment and if they do will they decide to take my baby? I do not have any contact with this man and he doesn't even know I'm pregnant. My health visitor is very supportive and we phoned social services together and the guy on the phone said it isn't a childrens services matter, is this right? Because I looked up pre-birth assessments and it says one has to be done if either parents have previous children in care. I just don't know what to do, I'm scared they'll want to take my children from me and this is affecting me so much as I am constantly stressed and waiting for a knock on the door from social services. Please help any advice would be apprieciated.

[TKH]

Try not to panic, honey. You have shown that you are more than capable of keeping your children top of your priorities. If the child has no contact and hes not likely to be trying to make contact with the child then there is not a concern. You have been open and honest and you have a good relationship with the health visitor and your midwife gp etc then things are good. Try and relax and stay focussed you are doing a good job!

[mummyof2]

Thank you for your advice, I feel like such a bad parent for putting my children and myself through all this worry and stress. I know I'm a good parent not perfect but my house and daughter are always clean she was 14weeks premature and I'm worried this baby will be premature also because I'm so stressed and on edge all the time. I don't drink or take drugs, I have no mental health problems, there isn't any domestic violence and never will be, as the only time ss have been involved is when my daughters father assaulted me and they asked me to leave him which I did straight from the hospital, my dad is very supportive and lives just a few streets away. I just hope they see all these positives instead of just the fact that his children were removed, what scares me the most is I don't have a clue why they were taken! I'm only 20weeks pregnant but I have EVERYTHING for the baby apart from a steriliser and breast pump. My daughters nursery are very impressed and said she communicates and speaks a lot better than some of the older children there who were born full term! If social services do get involved do you have any advice on how I should go about things? I mean I haven't heard anything from them yet but I'm sure I will. Also do they have to do a pre-birth assessment if there concerned or can they just turn up at the hospital and take my baby????? Also what will happen in regards to my older daughter I couldn't bear to lose her over this :'( if the worst came to the worst and they wanted to remove my children could my father and my younger sister gain care of them? I have briefly discussed this with my dad and although he thinks I'm being ott he has agreed he would want them to be with him rather than in foster care.

[TKH]

just briefly-his other children were removed from him AND his partners care-your children have YOU-keep up the good work, be open to any suggestions made but dont evr sign anything without careful consideration. I'm sure you have little to worry about.

[mummyof2]

Yes they were removed from him and his ex partner but I do not know why. What action do you think they will take? Will they inform him he's the father because I'd rather he didn't know. How often does the advisor come onto these forums? Will they want to take my children? If they do get in touch obviously I will co-operate with anything they suggest APART from removing my children from my care! I would never volunteraly give up my children. My daughter is my life and this baby will be too regardless of who its father is!

[Murray72]

Hi Mummyof2,

It is not guaranteed that CS will want to complete a Pre-Birth assessment just because your ex has had dealings with them previously, they will look at your circumstances and your ability to protect and look after the children, if you are not involved with your ex in anyway they cannot consider him a risk unless he was to do something drastic, even if this was to happen how you dealt with the events would be important.

It would be helpful for you if you knew why your Ex had his children removed, every situation is diffierent and some risks are considered permanent and some can be trickier to overcome than others. I would not worry about losing your Children when CS have yet to come knocking, as previously advised having a good relationship with your midwife and GP is vital as these are the professionals that could potentially support you in the future.

The FRG advice line is a great source of information and I would advise you to give them a ring, the work they do is priceless.

[mummyof2]

Thank you for your advise. I am trying to put it to the back of my head and just wait and see if they come out. But as anyone with children can understand its easier said than done. How would I be able to find out what happened with his children?? the social services are unlikely to tell me and I haven't been in touch with this man since I got pregnant and don't want to either, he does not live near me and we don't have mutual friends so its easy to stay away from him. I'm just scared that because of him I won't get to bring my little boy home and that they will also want to be involved with my daughter, its breaking my heart to think that they could just destroy my family if they wanted to

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Mummyof2.

Welcome to the board.

Sorry to hear about the difficult situation you find yourself in at this time. You seem to have been offered some useful advice so far, so I will attempt to add to this where possible.

You mention that you are 20 weeks pregnant to a man who has children already known to Children’s Services, that are placed in care. Depending on the nature of the concerns in relation to his own children’s welfare, and to what extent he has been accepting of the concerns, been willing to address them, it is difficult to offer detailed advice around these issues.

Your post also mentions that Children’s Services were previously involved as a result of domestic abuse you suffered from your 4 year old daughter’s father. That you cooperated with their advice to separate from him at your daughter’s birth. Have you been in touch with the National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/ to see if they can support you in any way.

You go on to say you have severed all ties with the baby’s father, and have no current contact, but not aware of why his children were removed. If the reasons for this were particularly serious, you would expect this information to be shared with you, either by him or a social worker, so you can make an informed decision about how to keep your child and the new baby safe.

From what you say, there appear to be no concerns being raised in relation to your older child, from either the health visitor or nursery about her health or development and you should be reassured by these factors. There is no guarantee that your own children are considered to be at risk at the present time.

As far as I can see, the best advice is for you to try to focus on any pre-birth assessment that is made, if this in fact happens. At the very least you could expect a core assessment to be completed, where you (and your child) are visited by a social worker 2 -3 times, and consent to speak to other invovled agencies would be requested. You are entitled to a copy of the final report. Therefore, please ensure you continue to attend your ante natal appointments with the midwife, and engage with any family support that is offered regarding the new baby.

Your own father appears to be an integral part of your support network. Therefore, he could make himself known to the Local Authority if need be, you may also want to request a referral for a family group conference, a meeting held to consider safety options for your child and the new baby.

If you wish to discuss your particular circumstances in more detail, please feel free to contact the Family Rights Group advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.30 pm.

Best Wishes


Suzie

[mummyof2]

Thank you suzie. Would they definitely want to do a core assessment? Because I phoned up and explained my circumstances and the man on the phone didn't seem very concerned he said it was a legal matter not a cs matter and wouldn't even put forward my referal?? What would they want to know or want me to do if they did a core assessment and where would they take it from there? Would they have any reason to take my children?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello again

You have said that you phoned Children's Services (Social services) to explain your circumstances and the man on the phone was not concerned and said that your situation was not a matter for children's services. I am assuming that you spoke to a (duty) social worker?

If this is the case then I really do not think you need to be concerned. You have made Children's Services aware of your situation and you have been told clearly that they are not concerned. There is no suggestion that Children's Services intend to become involved with your family or carry out any assessments at this time.

The person you spoke to said this was legal matter. By this they mean that, if your baby's father wanted to have any contact with his child, it would be up to him to take legal advice and apply to the court for contact. It doesn't seem likely that this will happen in your circumstances as he is not in touch with you and does not know about your pregnancy.

I understand that this is an extremely stressful and anxious time for you but please try to be reassured by what you have been told so far. As others have said, you are doing all of the right things to ensure that your children are safe and well cared for.

Continue to do all that you have been doing; work closely with your health visitor and midwife, keep preparing yourself for your new arrival and carry on being the best mummy you can to your daughter. If things remain as they are, it seems that Children's Services have no intention of having any further contact with you.

I hope you are able to take care of yourself mummyof2 and try your best to enjoy your pregnancy.

Best Wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser