Social worker not truthful and Parenting assessment

[Truly]

Please help me with advice, I really don't know what is going on with my case.

My child is on child protection because I chose to reconcile with my husband after withdrawing the allegations made to the police which SW got involved.

At the first conference, a plan was made. According to the SW, we did fine but she is still having her concern. And she will not let us reconcile until after his DV course( I do not disagree). She had said she had no concern about my parenting but still asked me to undergo a parenting assessment. Which I believe strongly shes only trying to find a fault in me. She had lied on so many occasions and even kept back some Money my husband had given her for my baby's upkeep which she was supposed to give to me. She had cancelled our core group meeting and lied to her duty manager that I cancelled it. She's trying hard to make me look like a bad mother even when all I have been doing is work with them. At the moment am struggling financially because SS has refused to help me because am not British ( according to my SW) and do not have a permanent residence yet. My solicitor has asked if I would like her to take up the case so I can get some financial support since I live alone in a rented apartment which I pay for including childcare.
But I am scared that if my solicitor takes up this case, I might be put in a more difficult position with my SW. She might decide never to let my family reunite. Because in two of the conferences that have held, no one listens to me, even when SW is lieing the chair still draw the plan based on my SW thoughts.
I am really heartbroken because even when she sees the truth she hides it and only brings out negativity. I am scared that she's about to break up my family no matter how honest we are working together. And no one is on our side. I and my husband are not on drugs, or alcohol. We are both professionals. I left my marriage and made those accusations (which I regret saying out of anger) because I wanted him to treat me better. He is working with ss and they say he is doing well. But my SW is unpredictable and tells alot of lies.
I feel so frustrated, I don't know anything about the parenting assessment and what am been assessed for because no one is saying anything. I have had two sessions already and the assessor seems to be looking for fault even when he had told me he isn't here to judge. He wants to discuss with every other professionals working with my family before he makes his report. I am stuck. I am confused. I feel decieved. I asked for help to strengthen my marriage. No evidence on DV. But now my entire family is crumbling before my eyes and my child is at the verge of been taken away from me, should SW find any good reason. Please advise me. I need help please.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Hello

From what you have written about the SW I think you'd be best served challenging this through a solicitor. Might I also suggest you think about whether you'd wish to make a formal complaint.

You should not be treated differently because of your nationality - CS have access to funding that covers a myriad of different circumstances. If the SW has purposefully withheld money given to them for your child this is not acceptable.

Can I ask how long the SW withheld the money? How did you find out and did her actions have a detrimental effect on you and your child because of this? These would be things that you should tell a solicitor.

As an aside the part in which CS became involved would most likely of come from a referral made by the police. CS have a legal duty to act on any referral. Many woman/men do subsequently revoke allegations made because they fear the reputations of speaking out. CS will be very aware of this. Their initial concerns will not simply disappear because you chose not to proceed.

[Truly]

Thanks for your advice. Because I work for 20hours a week, we were not affected by the money she kept to herself.

My solicitor has also asked if I will like to go ahead to challenge SW but honestly am scared. I wish she do the right thing instead of bringing lies. I will quietly work with her hoping she would see my sincerity and she would do the right thing. While also working closely with my solicitor.

I am worried about the parenting assessment, do we know anyone who has gone through this, what should I expect? Because no concern was shared with me about my parenting. Please I need advice

[PerfectlySafeDad]

It's a difficult decision for you. I think it's a common thing to be afraid of using a solicitor, because it feels like 'declaring war' on them, and you fear to do that because in their controlling and adversarial outlook they will respond with access to better solicitors than you, and this is all in a day's work to them (no sentiment or compassion) whereas for us it's just a stressful 'episode' in our lives which we don't want to be in. On the other hand, you feel out of your depth without one, vulnerable and in essence 'bullied'. They push people into these corners and dilemmas.
It comes down to making them accountable as far as possible, whether this is done with a solicitor or not. If using one, make sure they are good: which means specialist in family law, but also hard-working and caring about your case (not all are). Word of mouth (reliable recommendation) is always the best way. If you are sufficiently strong and organized, always keep dates, records and proofs of all dealings of every kind with social services where possible, whether using a solicitor or not.
I know that calm and organize people do win in this way; if a chairman of a meeting refuses to bend even when presented with proof the social worker was 'in error' (ie blatant lier) then I think even an average solicitor could be valuable; they would know your rights and the SS would know that they know them, so the moment might not be dodged so easily.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Truly,

Welcome to the Parents Board. I am sorry to hear about children services involvement with your family.
I can see that children services are involved due to worries about domestic violence. There is a child protection plan in place and it sounds like you are cooperating with the plan.
However, you are worried about a number of things.

Your son being removed
You say that your child is on the verge of being removed from you. Is that the case? If there has been talk of removing your son, has the social worker advised you that she is having meetings with her legal department?
Your son can only be removed if you agree to it or if children services get a court order. (In emergencies, the police can remove children for up to 72 hours under police protection). If children services went to court you would be entitled to a legal aid to have a solicitor.

The court would give an order if your son was in imminent danger or being seriously harmed. That does not sound like the case. You are cooperating with the child protection plan. You are being assessed and dad has moved out- while he completes a DV course. You agree that he should not move back in yet.
The most important thing to do is cooperate with the child protection plan-and keep your child safe.

The parenting assessment.
The social worker has not explained what it an assessment is.
I suggest you ask her to explain (in writing) what the assessment involves. For example, how many times will she see you alone, how many times will she see you with the children, how many times will she see dad.
Ask to see a copy of the written assessment report before it is sent to other professionals so that you can amend any errors and make sure all the positives about your family are included.
As a general rule, parenting assessments are to find out what support a family might need. So looking at the whole family not just the children. The law says children services should be supporting families’ where it is needed.
Usually an assessment will look at:
• Your children’s needs (educational, health etc) and whether they have any extra needs that may need assessing by other professionals such as a disability, for example. If you are concerned that any of your children might have extra needs, let the social worker know. Often a child may also be caring for other children or for a parent. So the assessment may look at whether this is the case in your family.
• Your parenting ability-Can you meet all your children’s needs? Or is something preventing you from doing so? For example, it is very difficult for a parent to protect children from a violent partner unless that partner changes or there are strict rules in place. In your case, dad is doing a DV programme, so hopefully this will make him less risky. Or if a parent suffers from a health condition, then they may struggle to cook or get their children to school without extra help of carers coming in. The social worker should be assessing to see what, if any, extra support you might need. Often domestic violence can be traumatic for an adult as well as child. The social worker might suggest counselling
• The environment you live in-is is safe and appropriate for children. If you need support here, let the social worker know.
• Family, friend or community support –what support do you have in your network. For example, if you were ill, is there anyone who could collect the children from school/ nursery?
Here is some information about assessments.

How to work with your social worker.

You are worried that she has lied and she is not passed on money to you from dad. You feel she is trying to trip you up.
Your relationship with the social worker is an important one. You should be able to challenge anything she gets wrong. Ask her why she has not passed on the money to you. Keep a diary of your involvement with the social worker. YOu can refer back to the diary, if she makes another mistake in the future. You can also speak to her manager about any concerns you have.
Here are tips about working well with social workers that you might find helpful.

Your solicitor helping.

Your solicitor could help clarify things with the social worker as well as advising you about the law. Your solicitor can read over the assessment and check it is fair and raise any concerns with the social worker if she misses anything.

Here are some FAQ’s about domestic violence

I hope this helps but please post again of you need further advice. Or call our advice line for in-depth advice.

Best wishes,
Suzie