Contract of Expectations?

[1234_]

The current situation is that Myself and my 3 children are living at my parents house and my husband (The kids daddy) is at home. Daddy is not allowed any unsupervised contact with the children. That must be supervised by myself or the grandparents.

So today, 8 days after the ICPC, we received the 'Plan'. In there it mentions nothing about living apart, nothing about supervised contact, nothing about who needs to live where. We are still clueless as to what the living arrangements will be going forwards.

The only things in the plan that have drawn my attention are.... 'Father to consider how time can be spent with *child1* 1:1' (Because she has shown jealousy towards the attention her siblings get. Also... 'Parents to adhere to the contract of expectations'.

What's the difference between the 'Plan' and the contract of expectations (Which we have yet to receive!)?

[Kami2018]

Hi I vant really advise properly in this situation as you dont state the reasoning for why your family have to in separate homes at present , but when childrens services write written contracts I would advise you abide them fully although children services can not force you to do so ut if you dont abide then they will take you to court to ask the judge to impose there contract

[Miserylovescompany2]

I think everything about your case seems to have been rushed through without due attention to the actual important parts!

The thing I have found is that so much is said verbally by the SW to have you fearing each word or movement you make. They forget they can't actually back these words up via a plan alone. However, you jump at their every word through fear of a knock at your door by someone coming to remove your children.

I would seek clarification through an email. Basically write down everything they (CS) have said and done thus far. Because their actions certainly do not marry up to their words.

Did you sign a contract? I had one a while back which I outright refused to sign without firstly having a solicitor look through it. That was the last I saw of it...

Mine wasn't even dated and made absolutely no sense whatsoever :/

[1234_]

It's all very rushed. Even parts of the plan itself are contradictory.

One part says i am not to place any of the children under emotional pressure or coach them in any way. The next bit says encourage ****** to report any concerns she has to an adult - which is what i was doing when she told me she lied to her teacher. Can't do right for doing wrong!

We haven't signed anything yet and everything is so vague i wouldn't feel comfortable signing anything right now. Xmas is 7 days away and we don't even know if we can be together as a family, like the kids are asking, or even if we can go home.

[Miserylovescompany2]

I will hazard a guess when you do receive the contract of expectations that should be interesting reading too...

Might I suggest you photo copy the paperwork you have so far and go through it with a highlighter. If there is anything you don't understand or is not factually correct? It is important that you challenge this in writing.

I know this will come across as a stupid question - was there any discussion during the actual conference itself about living arrangements? I ask because the plan you received doesn't detail any. I am just wondering if it is actually written down in CS records or whether it was all just their demands verbally at the very beginning after the allegation was made.

[1234_]

The only thing regarding living arrangements and contact is the arrangements that were verbally made right at the beginning when the allegation was made. The SW then wrote the basics of these in his report as action they have already taken. Absolutely no discussion or anything since then about what is to happen going forwards.

[Miserylovescompany2]

I would use this as an opportunity to put all your concerns in writing. Because your family are expected to adhere to boundaries that are not proportionate. I can understand if there had been a child stating what they had covered in bruising etc - but this is not what happened. No physical examination. Nothing other than a disclosure - which seems to have been based on one child feeling as if they were receiving less attention than their sibling.

There is no longevity to your current living arrangement - I would imagine it is very unsettling for all concerned. I would seek clarity on this. Legally CS can not force this.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear 1234_

Thank you for the posts you made before Christmas. I am sorry that we were unable to respond to them at that time due to the volume of posts on the forum. However, Miserylovescompany2 has offered you some helpful advice including to put all your queries in writing and to ask Children’s Services to provide clarity especially over the current living arrangements and what their expectations of you are.

Since you last posted you should have had at least one if not two core groups where the child protection plan should have been developed further. I hope you will have been able to get clarification and a copy of the contract of expectations which you mentioned and which of course you are entitled to seek advice on. It should set out what steps children’s services may take if it is not adhered to.

If for any reason you are still very confused about what you and your husband are being asked to do then you may want to provide an updating post so that we can offer some advice.

However, if you still do not know what children’s services’ current recommendations are about whether your husband should continue to live separately to you and your children then ideally your husband (as he is the person who is excluded from the family) should urgently query this in writing, asking for a prompt response:

• How long you are being asked to agree to this for
• How will it help
• How will this arrangement be reviewed
• Does contact between your husband and the children need to continue to be supervised and if so, by whom, for how long and how will it be reviewed?

We have developed some frequently asked questions on child protection and a specialist advice sheet on child protection which explain more about what happens once a child protection plan has been made and which I hope will be helpful to you.

I know this can be a difficult and distressing time for families but it sounds as if you have worked cooperatively; do continue to do so and to prioritise your children but do ask children’s services also to work openly and honestly with you and to be very clear about what they would like you to do to improve the situation and keep the children safe.

With best wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser

[1234_]

Just to update for those that find themselves in a similar situation.

A few days before Christmas we were told that we could all live together again. At this point the contract still wasn't ready but they allowed it anyway (this was a good sign to me )

The contract came a couple of weeks into January - 2 weeks later than the plan deadline. It was very basic, mother to raise concerns with professionals, mother to do all personal care for the children, mother to do school runs and picking up etc. Father to have normal daily contact during day to day activities.

My daughter has had assessments at school for dyslexia and she scored very poorly in a couple of areas, and very strongly in other areas. The poor areas she is now receiving support for.

We recently had another core group, where it was decided that daddy is now allowed one-to-one time with the kids. This is going very well and i think in the long term something we will continue as we find it's strengthening our bond with the kids individually. At the core group the manager said at the next meeting we will decide what to recommend to the chair at the next conference, 'because you don't want to be on a CPP forever' .

Working with them seems to be paying off - we have a few good things ourselves come out of it, we all feel closer as a family. Although not the way i would have chosen to make that happen! and my daughter is receiving more support.