concerns with children living with my mother

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A123
Posts: 44
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:40 pm

concerns with children living with my mother

Post by A123 » Tue Nov 20, 2018 9:43 pm

my mother was granted an SGO of my oldest daughter in 2015 and then my son in 2016, as i suffered with mental health issues which ive been stable since they removed my son an i got admitted to hospital. well now i had a phone call friday of their sw saying they are holding a PLO meeting this week as they have concerns about their behaviour not improving after support has been put in place, i have not been invited to any meetings and have no information about what was going on even though i see the children regularly my mother obviously hasn't been telling me the full picture, so i saw my solicitor today an told her that i wish to be assessed to have both children back or just my son (i have struggled to bond with my daughter hence the removal) and my daughter has started acting up since he went to live with her and she will tell people she doesn't want me son living with her although she tells me an jmy mother she doesn't want to live with my mother but when the sw asks her she says she likes living there and my son has also told police and the sw he wants to live with me (he ran off one day when shopping and we had to call the police, he does have behaviour issues possible autism) i no they have been struggling with a number of issues such as my daughter smears her poo and even with support workers they cant find out why they both are not dry in the nights i potty trained both of them when in my care, my daughter will steal food and money off my mother an ive found out shes asking children in school for food when i no she is being fed by my mother. i have told both the sw and my solicitor i would like to be reassessed for the children but i have just finished court preceding on friday for my baby daughter who they are going for adoption with because i cannot access the therapy i need on the NHS as i am stable and my mental health team has discharged me because i am stable so now i am paying for therapy and they used the fact i was in a serious car accident in march 2017 and i still have a broken clavicle which is being fixed finally in 2 weeks but because i need a sling for 6 weeks they said i cannot look after my baby shes 6 months, my legal team said it shouldn't really have an impact on a parenting assessment for my older 2 children as their needs are completely different and we have proof i'm stable (i have traits of emotionally unstable personality disorder) not on medication been through loads in since my son was removed and not relapsed.
sorry for the long post needed a rant

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4210
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: concerns with children living with my mother

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Nov 22, 2018 10:26 am

Dear A123

Thank you for posting again.

I see from your post that you feeling worried and distressed about your children. You have unfortunately just finished care proceedings the outcome of which was that your baby daughter will be placed for adoption. At the same time almost it appears that the placement for your two older children who are under special guardianship orders with your mother is breaking down.

You have received a letter to say that there is to be a PLO (pre-proceedings) meeting in respect of your older children but you also say that you have not attended any meetings and have not received any information about what has been happening before now. As you have parental responsibility for your children if there had been concerns about their placement or any child protection steps were being taken you should have been informed. If children’s services has got to the stage of pre proceedings this suggests that they are considering whether they need to apply to the court to remove the children if things do not improve within a given time limit. Are the children under child protection plans at the moment? Please read our advice sheet relating to Child protection procedures.

It may also be helpful to look at our A-Z of terms regarding pre-proceeding meetings .

As a parent you should be able to have a solicitor attend the PLO meeting with you and this will give you an opportunity to find out more about the concerns that children’s services have in addition to those you have mentioned in your post. It may be that the placement of both children together is not working as it does not meet each child’s needs. From what you say it appears that you daughter would prefer to be the only child in the placement. I do not know the children’s ages but their wishes and feelings will be taken into account as well and it will depend on their ages and understanding how much weight will be given to their wishes.

The difficulty which you may have is that the concerns that existed when the children were removed have not been fully addressed to the point where it is considered that you can safely care for your children. I understand that there were additional difficulties for you with your baby daughter following your car accident but I think appropriate support could have been provided to help you over the period of time necessary to get better; did you not have any family or friends who would have been willing to support and help you? It maybe that there were other concerns other than the fact that you needed to have a sling for 6 weeks that led to a decision that your daughter should be adopted.

It is really good that you are accessing therapy at the moment which is likely to help you deal with the issues that has led to you requiring therapy. You say that your mental health is stable now and it is good that you have been able to keep well.

As you have requested reassessment to enable to you care for your son, I hope this will be carried out and it will be positive but it may be that because you have not completed the therapy that this could be a concern. Your legal team who know you and your case best has already advised you that the reasons that were relevant to your baby daughter are unlikely to be the same for the older children. They have all the information relating to your circumstances and the cases you have had in the past and are, I think, best placed to advise you.
My advice would be that you work with the social worker involved with your children and whoever carries out the assessment. Hopefully, with therapy your situation will improve further.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser about your circumstances, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

Best wishes

Suzie

A123
Posts: 44
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:40 pm

Re: concerns with children living with my mother

Post by A123 » Sun Dec 02, 2018 1:01 pm

Hi suzie
they have issued an emergency hearing for this week I will be unable to attend as I have having my operation in the morning, there is no time scale on my therapy just that I was advised to do it the judge in her findings from 2 weeks ago has stated that with this therapy the outcome of future cases could be different. the social worker has lied during the paperwork to the court I had a copy sent to me by my legal team Friday when they received it apparently ive had over night contact when I haven't I even offered to fund private therapy for the 2 children to be able to help them and I have asked for therapy for me and my daughter due to attachment issues and was told no, I have accepted that when they were removed back in 2013 and 2015 I was a mess and then my mental health suffered as a result of them removing my son in 2015, I am not discharged from the NHS mental health team as I am stable i'm just paying for private therapy which was recommended in court.
they are looking at placing the children in long term foster care do they have a legal right to inform a father if he is not on the birth certificate and has not contact or made any sort off effort with the child? my children are 9 (10 in april) and 5 (6 in march) I don't think either will cope in foster care as my sons behaviour is so unpredictable he has behaviour problems but because I have not been in therapy long enough and my surgery tomorrow they would not look at placing them with me.

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 220
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: concerns with children living with my mother

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:18 am

Hello A123

I was just wondering how you are doing? I do hope this message finds you well.

Misery x

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4210
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: concerns with children living with my mother

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Dec 17, 2018 1:11 pm

Dear A123

Thank you for your further post. I am sorry to hear that the situation in relation to your son and daughter has become more urgent with an emergency hearing arranged - this has already probably taken place by now? I hope you were able to get advice and representation from your solicitor about this. This has coincided with you having surgery/needing to recover so you did not think you would be able to attend, which must have made the matters even more difficult for you.

You were asking about whether the children’s father, who does not have parental responsibility (PR) or contact with the children would be informed and involved. In care proceedings, a parent who does not have PR should be involved and provided with notice and details of the hearing. Parents are also entitled to legal aid.

Your children’s situation and the court case about them has probably moved on since you posted. You are welcome to post back with an update and/or any further queries. Another parent, Miserylovescompany2 has posted asking after you so hopefully it helps to know other parents are thinking about you and wishing you well.

With best wishes

Suzie

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