Social services worried

[LACP18]

I’m expecting my first baby in a few weeks time, and in the last couple of weeks social services have been in touch to say they have concerns about his safety. So far they’ve only been able to give me a vague idea of their worries, but here’s what I’ve understood so far. My partner already has a 3 year old from a previous relationship. Both he and the mother were assessed at the time and both were deemed unfit parents, so the child is now placed with my partner’s mother. He’s never fully discussed the situation with me so I don’t know exactly what happened, but I’ve noticed his contact get more limited over the course of our relationship, I don’t see him take the child out alone any more and I’m fairly sure he only gets supervised contact at his mum’s house now. I get the feeling he didn’t engage with services properly and so they’ve seen no proof of improvement to help his case. So I’ve been told by services that they feel he’s a threat to our baby’s wellbeing. They haven’t been able to explain why yet because of confidentiality, so I have no idea what their concerns are. And all they’ve said about me is that they feel I have the potential to be a safe parent but only if I’m away from him. And due to my history growing up with my parents’ emotionally abusive relationship, of being in emotionally abusive relationships myself, and the mental health issues that’s left me with, I could pose a threat if I’m unable to follow through with keeping him at arm’s length. I’m incredibly confused. My partner hasn’t explained to me what their worries about him might be (which honestly does nothing to help his case), authorities can’t explain anything yet either, and also I’ve not had it explained to me what I can and can’t do at this point. They made it clear I’d risk losing my baby if I stayed under the same roof as him, so I have now moved out and we are looking for separate homes. But I’m so close to having the baby. I obviously can’t decide what levels of contact he’ll get, as services will have to do that and I accept it will be limited. They’re heavily implying I shouldn’t put him on the birth certificate to make sure he can’t find loopholes. I don’t know if he’s allowed to go to the next scan in a week, or if he’s allowed to be at the birth (both of which he wants to do). And as for our relationship I know he wants it to continue and so do I, but I’m afraid even by having a conversation with him I might be risking them taking my baby away. I haven’t even had the chance to properly talk with him about the situation I’ve been put in, but don’t feel I can in case I get in trouble. Honestly I don’t know what to do, I’m alone and terrified of losing my child. I don’t want to try and defy services or sneak around their conditions, I just need to know what I can and can’t do so I don’t cross any lines, and apart from the living together thing they haven’t given me any other boundaries. If anyone has any thoughts on how I should act until they clarify my position it would be greatly appreciated. I really need to understand properly, and my partner deserves to know where he stands at least in terms of coming to appointments and the birth for a start. This is killing me.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Hello

I would phone the FRG number first thing tomorrow. If you can't get through keep trying. They will advise you and explain what you can do step by step. This is the quickest route to get advise.

Is there anyone you could ask who knows the full story? Could you ask his mother about what happened? The more you know the better.

Your partner should have all the paperwork. I am assuming this went to court. He will know exactly why the child now lives with his mother. Ask him to show you. If he refuses then you'll know he isn't putting you or his unborn child first. If he didn't engage last time he might do the same again and if nothing has changed or he hasn't addressed CS previous concerns then this doesn't look good for him.

How can you be expected to make informed decisions when nobody is giving you any information. If this was me I think I'd be making an impromptu visit to your partners mother. This is her grandchild. Hopefully she will give you the information you need.

[Ore]

This is like convicting you and sending you to jail without ever being told why you're in jail. Please seek legal advice, you need to know why action against you might be taken.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear LACP18

Welcome to the parents’ discussion forum and thank you for your post.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I am sorry that you are having such a worrying time so close to the birth of your baby due to children’s services (new name for social services) involvement.

You say that you have been advised by children’s services that they have concerns about the safety of your baby should you remain living with your partner, the baby’s father. This must be very difficult for you but they appear to have very significant concerns which relate to previous involvement with your partner regarding his child from a previous relationship. Neither your partner nor the mother of his son were able to care for the child who had to be placed with the paternal grandmother.

Have you considered why your partner did not let you know of his previous involvement with children’s services? This would have been and is something very important in your relationship especially when you decided to have a child together. It is likely that he knew or may have known that children’s services would become involved if he had another child. It is very worrying that he did not think it important to share this information with you.

Children’s service will have information about the case and there is a possibility that there is a flag against your partner which has led to a referral being made to children’s services because it has come to light that he is to become a father again. Please read our advice sheet about what happens when children’s services receive a referral An introductory guide to Children’s Services.

Your partner’s history also means that children’s services might, if you decide you wish to continue your relationship, consider doing child protection enquiries and you can read more about this in Child protection procedures. As you are nearly due to give birth children’s services could also carry out a pre-birth assessment with a view to making plan for when the baby is born. This is often referred to as pre-birth planning.

Unfortunately, from what you say in your post you are not sure exactly what is expected of you and I suggest that you have a conversation with the social worker about this or, better still, write a letter asking the social worker to put in writing what children’s services expectations are and what action they intend to take. You can also ask about your partner attending at hospital appointments. Children’s services should make it clear to you what they want you to do and discuss your wishes. If they want you to do any courses or to offer you support they should inform you so you have a clear idea of what you need to do.


Just to clarify the situation regarding your child, children’s services can only remove your baby from you if they have a court order or your agreement. If they believe the baby to be at imminent risk, they ask the police to remove the child under police protection. This would last for 72 hours only and children’s services would need your agreement to keep child or apply to the court. They can make emergency applications to the court.

Regarding parental responsibility, your partner would only have this, which is the legal rights and duties a parent has for their child, if he is on the baby’s birth certificate. There are other way he could get parental responsibility. He could still apply to the court for parental responsibility if he wished. Alternatively, you could enter into a parental responsibility agreement with him. Please see our advice sheet Parental Responsibility.

It is very important that you engage with children’s services and show that you have an understanding of the concerns they have regarding your partner. The fact that he did not engage with them before may be an indication that he will not do so now. If he is not willing to work with children’s services and disclose to you what happened it seems unlikely that you can move forward with him. This is for you to decide of course.

i do not agree as one response to your post suggests that you are being sentenced. Children's services have concerns for your baby and they have a safeguarding role. Your partner had a child removed from his care. He has not shared the details with you and there is a risk that you do not know about. If he is not living with you that risk is not there but if you and he wish to be together you have to be prepared to work with children's services to show that the baby would be safe in your care.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser about your case, please telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30am to 3pm.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie