You just don't get it Kami. I've gone through 3 years of remorse for the offences, including a suicide attempt because the shame and stigma is just never ending. Like many men in my position we simply want to leave it behind. What I object to is children's services making the disgusting assertion that we might harm our own children, or commit contact offences against anyone - when there's never previously been anything of the sort. We're ashamed enough of the offences but when they make us out to be something worse still it is unacceptable. They should not be allowed to police imaginary futures and destroy peoples family lives on that basis and deny the rehabilitation that the law offers. The insinuation that a parent might harm their own child is such a sick one in my book that it needs far better evidence than the 'possibility' that a vastly different and lesser type of offence 'might' cross over into it.
Safeguarding has gone mad - far better people than me have said that (just do some googling for good scholarly articles in it) - but of course as one of the pariah offenders my word is trashed, even though men like me are the only true experts on it.
I'm sorry for the children I looked at online suffering events that had already happened, and the possibility that by doing so might encourage more of that type of stuff to be produced. I was in a sick place and hate myself for it and the fallout caused to my family, but I'm not going to be made to feel like an sodding incestuous homosexual paedophile on top of that. My love of my sons is the only pride I can hang onto, and I've survived for them, and I'm not letting a bunch of incompetent back-covering cowards take that away.
A thorough investigation has already been done for them - by the police! - and they also have the evidence of happy kids who love their Dad, clearly raised for 10 years with no harm.
That, in my book, leaves NO grounds for intervention against us.
I'm sorry to swamp other people's threads, but I'm speaking for all offenders and their families in my position.
So I'm advising someone to 'lie' about their mere private thoughts - which nobody ought to judged on otherwise we'd all be in prison - I'm not advising anyone to lie about crimes, in fact I've always taken pains to say confess them exactly and plead guilty, for everybody's sake.
Maybe it's impossible to understand unless you've been through it, but I've got to say my journey so far through the criminal justice and the rest of it (3 years so far) as an internet sex offender has lead me to conclude; Yes I've done a horrible wrong, they were 'offences' but it is ALSO a witch hunt. Both things are possible at the same time, and frankly Britain has achieved this.
This is not all about me, I say this on behalf of all the men whose spouses have posted here and many more out there; we're human, we care, we're not the one dimensional sex maniacs social services in effect consign us as, and they have no right to blight our lives and hopes of redemption, and families hopes of reconciliation on the basis of their obsessional notions of risk or 'possible emotional harm'. (How twistable and subjective is that?!) especially when it's often them who are causing emotional harm to the children!
Time together as a couple advice
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PerfectlySafeDad
- Posts: 171
- Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am
Re: Time together as a couple advice
Dear PSD,
When I read your posts, I wonder what I can say to be positive and perhaps advise on how to make things better. As I have said before, I am sympathetic to your position, the pain of being separated from your children, and I believe that not all men who view child abuse should be prevented from being with their children.
I know that you see your kids, infrequently, under very supervised conditions. I really hope you make the most of that time and make it really positive for them so that they have happy memories of that time. I think that supervised contact is probably more stressful for the (usually) father than the kids, who are very adaptable. When I was being supervised, I planned lots of fun activities to do with them and to have as much fun as possible. Do you take games and activities along?
My experience is that supervised contact is rarely a long-term solution, which is why in most cases it will progress in some way to more "normal" contact. However, I do know that in certain circumstances long-term supervision is appropriate when it is proportionate to risk. I do wonder whether the question you should be asking is "what do I need to do to create the conditions that would make it possible for contact to progress?" rather than "when can contact progress?" That would give you something to go out and achieve or change. I know it seems like a lifetime to you, but you haven't yet even completed your sentence. It's early days. You also make good points about evidence of abuse, but the problem is - and this one piece of hard evidence you have disclosed in your case - is that some of the images your viewed were of boys as well as girls. You and I both know this is deemed an indicator of higher risk in sexual harm risk assessments. They don't have a huge amount of hard evidence in these cases, only what was found on your computer, but this is an immutable fact in your case, regardless of how you say those images got there. I don't know how you overcome that.
I"m not a forensic psychologist, but I have had forensic assessment. It is brutal. You need to know that some of the things that you write are difficult for people to read, and I worry for you if you were to have a forensic assessment. As an example in your first line, you say "I've gone through 3 years of remorse...", which points not to your true remorse, but your own suffering. To me, remorse is about effects on others, not the self, which is not to say that being remorseful isn't a painful process. As for knowing of an ex child sex offender who has gone and found himself a young family - well, surely I don't have to say why that would concern people? The rehabilitated response to that would be to inform the authorities, and you even posting that here is problematic for me.
I really, really hope you find a way through this and find help to come to terms with what has happened. Honestly, best of luck.
When I read your posts, I wonder what I can say to be positive and perhaps advise on how to make things better. As I have said before, I am sympathetic to your position, the pain of being separated from your children, and I believe that not all men who view child abuse should be prevented from being with their children.
I know that you see your kids, infrequently, under very supervised conditions. I really hope you make the most of that time and make it really positive for them so that they have happy memories of that time. I think that supervised contact is probably more stressful for the (usually) father than the kids, who are very adaptable. When I was being supervised, I planned lots of fun activities to do with them and to have as much fun as possible. Do you take games and activities along?
My experience is that supervised contact is rarely a long-term solution, which is why in most cases it will progress in some way to more "normal" contact. However, I do know that in certain circumstances long-term supervision is appropriate when it is proportionate to risk. I do wonder whether the question you should be asking is "what do I need to do to create the conditions that would make it possible for contact to progress?" rather than "when can contact progress?" That would give you something to go out and achieve or change. I know it seems like a lifetime to you, but you haven't yet even completed your sentence. It's early days. You also make good points about evidence of abuse, but the problem is - and this one piece of hard evidence you have disclosed in your case - is that some of the images your viewed were of boys as well as girls. You and I both know this is deemed an indicator of higher risk in sexual harm risk assessments. They don't have a huge amount of hard evidence in these cases, only what was found on your computer, but this is an immutable fact in your case, regardless of how you say those images got there. I don't know how you overcome that.
I"m not a forensic psychologist, but I have had forensic assessment. It is brutal. You need to know that some of the things that you write are difficult for people to read, and I worry for you if you were to have a forensic assessment. As an example in your first line, you say "I've gone through 3 years of remorse...", which points not to your true remorse, but your own suffering. To me, remorse is about effects on others, not the self, which is not to say that being remorseful isn't a painful process. As for knowing of an ex child sex offender who has gone and found himself a young family - well, surely I don't have to say why that would concern people? The rehabilitated response to that would be to inform the authorities, and you even posting that here is problematic for me.
I really, really hope you find a way through this and find help to come to terms with what has happened. Honestly, best of luck.
Re: Time together as a couple advice
Thanks for all of your responses.
Dd2ss - I agree, after consulting my solicitor to not ask for anything else in the way of contact progression until the assessment is complete. Interestingly my whole medical history records have been asked to be accessed and my husbands have not... Is this to check my MH etc for the protective factor? Nothing of note in my medical records anyway that I'm aware of!
The assessment will be done by an independent Forensic Psychologist. I am a bit nervous of what I will be asked but I am very confident of my protectiveness to our children. They are the world to us both.
Sea dog we have only just appointed Solicitors because the case has stepped up to PLO. Because the children have been on plan for 18m this is an unusual length of time and not fair to any of us. The only way for things to progress is to have a thorough risk assessment of any risk posed. I see this as a way for CS to have the confidence to make decisions really. I am reassured that its someone independent instead of a SW thinking they can read my innermost thoughts and judge me! The keep saying the situation is unique. Maybe because we want to rehabilitate, maybe because we have 5 children. I am glad to find others in similar positions though I am ao sorry anyone else is going through this dreadful time. Not a day goes by my husband isn't full of regret and myself thinking what were you thinking!
But we have to move forwards. I don't see the point of anger personally. I have had moments of anger but aswell as being pregnant when it happened I had to conserve my energy and getting angry would not have changed anything. I'd rather put my energy into being proactive and understanding the situation and trying to move forwards.
PSD It sounds like you have been through an awful time too. I really hope things progress for you soon. I had so much to write in the beginning I forgot to say he was charged he received 150 hours community service which he completed in April, 2 years suspended sentence of 6 months and will be on the register for 7 years ending in 2024. It feels forever away.
If anyone else has advice on the assessment I'd be grateful!
All the best wishes.
Dd2ss - I agree, after consulting my solicitor to not ask for anything else in the way of contact progression until the assessment is complete. Interestingly my whole medical history records have been asked to be accessed and my husbands have not... Is this to check my MH etc for the protective factor? Nothing of note in my medical records anyway that I'm aware of!
The assessment will be done by an independent Forensic Psychologist. I am a bit nervous of what I will be asked but I am very confident of my protectiveness to our children. They are the world to us both.
Sea dog we have only just appointed Solicitors because the case has stepped up to PLO. Because the children have been on plan for 18m this is an unusual length of time and not fair to any of us. The only way for things to progress is to have a thorough risk assessment of any risk posed. I see this as a way for CS to have the confidence to make decisions really. I am reassured that its someone independent instead of a SW thinking they can read my innermost thoughts and judge me! The keep saying the situation is unique. Maybe because we want to rehabilitate, maybe because we have 5 children. I am glad to find others in similar positions though I am ao sorry anyone else is going through this dreadful time. Not a day goes by my husband isn't full of regret and myself thinking what were you thinking!
But we have to move forwards. I don't see the point of anger personally. I have had moments of anger but aswell as being pregnant when it happened I had to conserve my energy and getting angry would not have changed anything. I'd rather put my energy into being proactive and understanding the situation and trying to move forwards.
PSD It sounds like you have been through an awful time too. I really hope things progress for you soon. I had so much to write in the beginning I forgot to say he was charged he received 150 hours community service which he completed in April, 2 years suspended sentence of 6 months and will be on the register for 7 years ending in 2024. It feels forever away.
If anyone else has advice on the assessment I'd be grateful!
All the best wishes.
Re: Time together as a couple advice
No I don't get it and would never want too but i don't see how u can blame society on your own actions and I'm not doubting you love your children but i can fully understand children's services and the way they have to safe guard and i understand offenders ans be rehabiltated but i also could never see how anyone could risk someone who offended in the way you did around children as there must have been some sort of fascination for you do do something horrific in the first place and why I keep commenting is because the more you seem to comment the more you blame children's services on everything and it's not right
Re: Time together as a couple advice
Hi May,
My understanding is that forensic psychologists work from the evidence they have in front of them, supplemented by interview. In your case, there isn't much written evidence, so presumably s/he has requested what evidence there is, namely your medical records, I suppose to perform due diligence on whether you have any underlying mental health problems.
Your husband, on the other hand, will have plenty of evidence before the psychologist with respect to his offending, social work assessments, police evidence, etc etc which will be relevant to his assessment. It won't be that his mental health problems aren't relevant, more that the core issue is his sexual offending and what that means in terms of risk to the kids, and I am not aware of mental health disorders featuring in sexual harm risk assessments (although the psychologist will be on the lookout for mental health problems or personality disorders). In his case, the overall conclusion won't simply be which risk category he falls into, but the professional opinion of the expert.
The output of any expert assessment is only as good as what questions the experts were asked to answer in the first place. I presume they will have been instructed in that regard. You might want to speak with your solicitor before the event to make sure both you and your husband know what the psychologists have been asked to find out about you, and if any of that is not clear or doesn't seem fair or you don't think it will get the answers you all want, you may need to intervene.
A forensic psychologist's job is to get to the truth of someone's thinking. Therefore, there's no point trying to bluff or deceive, not that that's relevant with yourself. However, it doesn't mean you can't be prepared or get your thoughts in order. My observation from what you've said is that, if you are putting your children first, then while you may want the family back together, if your husband's assessment comes back as that he does pose a risk to the children, you will need to stand by the results of that expert assessment. That's the risk you take. That might mean that if there is an unmanageable risk you would not let or want your children to be alone with him. If, however, they say he poses negligible or no risk to the children, then you will be saying that supervision would be disproportionate to the risk. And the advantage is, of course, that CS will have to abide by the expert assessment because if they do not they would struggle to defend their position in court.
In other words, perhaps you should ask yourself, at the time I am being assessed, can I really say what I want out of this? The answer may be - or perhaps should be - no, because you still don't know what risk he poses until his assessment is carried out. Professional assessments certainly aren't perfect, but they're the best we've got and a damn sight better that being driven by the perhaps legitimate but ultimately emotional prejudice of a non-expert.
By the way, five kids and all of this? Wow, I don't know how you do it. Keep going!
My understanding is that forensic psychologists work from the evidence they have in front of them, supplemented by interview. In your case, there isn't much written evidence, so presumably s/he has requested what evidence there is, namely your medical records, I suppose to perform due diligence on whether you have any underlying mental health problems.
Your husband, on the other hand, will have plenty of evidence before the psychologist with respect to his offending, social work assessments, police evidence, etc etc which will be relevant to his assessment. It won't be that his mental health problems aren't relevant, more that the core issue is his sexual offending and what that means in terms of risk to the kids, and I am not aware of mental health disorders featuring in sexual harm risk assessments (although the psychologist will be on the lookout for mental health problems or personality disorders). In his case, the overall conclusion won't simply be which risk category he falls into, but the professional opinion of the expert.
The output of any expert assessment is only as good as what questions the experts were asked to answer in the first place. I presume they will have been instructed in that regard. You might want to speak with your solicitor before the event to make sure both you and your husband know what the psychologists have been asked to find out about you, and if any of that is not clear or doesn't seem fair or you don't think it will get the answers you all want, you may need to intervene.
A forensic psychologist's job is to get to the truth of someone's thinking. Therefore, there's no point trying to bluff or deceive, not that that's relevant with yourself. However, it doesn't mean you can't be prepared or get your thoughts in order. My observation from what you've said is that, if you are putting your children first, then while you may want the family back together, if your husband's assessment comes back as that he does pose a risk to the children, you will need to stand by the results of that expert assessment. That's the risk you take. That might mean that if there is an unmanageable risk you would not let or want your children to be alone with him. If, however, they say he poses negligible or no risk to the children, then you will be saying that supervision would be disproportionate to the risk. And the advantage is, of course, that CS will have to abide by the expert assessment because if they do not they would struggle to defend their position in court.
In other words, perhaps you should ask yourself, at the time I am being assessed, can I really say what I want out of this? The answer may be - or perhaps should be - no, because you still don't know what risk he poses until his assessment is carried out. Professional assessments certainly aren't perfect, but they're the best we've got and a damn sight better that being driven by the perhaps legitimate but ultimately emotional prejudice of a non-expert.
By the way, five kids and all of this? Wow, I don't know how you do it. Keep going!
Re: Time together as a couple advice
Thanks DD2SS it's been incredibly difficult. So much pressure on myself and my parenting. The first SW we were allocated was awful. I had to make several complaints about her when she went against her managers instructions which was to not share details of the images with me while I was pregnant due to the stress. I'd already attended the court and also had been admitted to hospital with tightenings at 23 weeks. So what did she do? She printed off emails from the police officer to herself and details of all the images and went through it plus distributed copies including the polices email address to all at the core group review 2 teachers, a head teacher, midwife, health visitor, school nurse, myself and my Mum. I burst into tears in that room full of people while she proceeded to go through it all while the professionals passed me tissues. It was absolutely hideous and me and the kids were the victims in this. Next stunt she pulled and final one as I'm sure she knew was getting dismissed was to spring a contract of expectations on me the morning after I'd given birth to tell me to have boundaries, behaviour management on the kids and restrict their contact with their father to 2 hours a time when there had NEVER been any issues with their behaviour, routine etc and we had never been told contact would be 2 hours just twice a week. Then suddenly the day after their baby sister is born she expected us to shorten contact when I would have less time for them looking after a newborn singlehandedly anyway. There was no reason to suddenly spring this on me. I was so upset and it completely ruined my new baby experience as if things hadn't been hard enough. My midwife complained telling her how out of order she was. I had worked at the maternity hospital until this happened so they all knew me and knew there was no issue at all with my parenting. She even complained that there was too much furniture in the girls room and that they had moved it around when we changed the room once! Anyway after that I refused to see her at the hospital and told the team manager this. She then told me we would get a new SW and he has been alot better. Stating over and over this is a single case issue and only focusing on that even though I still feel alot of pressure to keep the house tidy all the time and be the perfect lone parent he's not scrutinising like she was.
She also lied and twisted things and tried to assess my husband near the beginning looking him up and down with disgust then poking him in the face with a pen while grilling him. Anyway I'm trying to put her out of my mind!
Regarding the forensic assessment thank you for that I had already decided that until I know the results of the assessment I won't completely know how I'll feel regarding reunification. Worst case scenario I hope to still be able to supervise contact because long term my Mother or anyone else supervising would be difficult and eventually impossible as she gets older and myself supervising would give the kids some normality. I had worried on the accuracy of these assessments but the Dr from what I've googled has done many terrible cases that have been in caught and seems very experienced with alot of letters after his name.
That makes a bit more sense regarding the need of my medical history. Also the letter of instruction detailed exactly what they will be endeavouring to find out the risk my husband poses and whether that is a manageable risk. Also any treatment and recommendations for that. For myself it's assessing my protectiveness and my understanding of the offences bearing in mind that the Special assessment team lady who did my PP work stated the depth of my knowledge surrounding online safety and child abuse was more than hers but she also said that she felt I was internalising his offences. Mainly because she thought I distracted myself with my baby when she spoke of it! They also put in the PLO letter that I had refused to discuss the offences. This is rubbish. When I was heavily pregnant I refused to discuss details of the images because I'd already been to court and heard the details. Surely that was discussing it enough. I was merely protecting my unborn baby by not wishing to go over details again!
I do feel they made it sound worse in order to get the PLO which will fund the assessment but felt this was unfair. They also stated my religion in the letter of instruction to the Dr which I didn't see necessary. I'm a Christian and they may worry this is leading my desire for reunification though that is not the case at all. It's part of who I am yes but I have no pressure either way whether to stay with him or not!
I also forgot to say my husband lost his job once the offence was published in the paper and shared on social media with a photo so this has been a horrific time. We need an end to it and to get SS out of our lives and regain some normality though I know that things can never be the same again. There's no way I could work atm with all these extra meetings to attend!
Thankyou for your reply!
She also lied and twisted things and tried to assess my husband near the beginning looking him up and down with disgust then poking him in the face with a pen while grilling him. Anyway I'm trying to put her out of my mind!
Regarding the forensic assessment thank you for that I had already decided that until I know the results of the assessment I won't completely know how I'll feel regarding reunification. Worst case scenario I hope to still be able to supervise contact because long term my Mother or anyone else supervising would be difficult and eventually impossible as she gets older and myself supervising would give the kids some normality. I had worried on the accuracy of these assessments but the Dr from what I've googled has done many terrible cases that have been in caught and seems very experienced with alot of letters after his name.
That makes a bit more sense regarding the need of my medical history. Also the letter of instruction detailed exactly what they will be endeavouring to find out the risk my husband poses and whether that is a manageable risk. Also any treatment and recommendations for that. For myself it's assessing my protectiveness and my understanding of the offences bearing in mind that the Special assessment team lady who did my PP work stated the depth of my knowledge surrounding online safety and child abuse was more than hers but she also said that she felt I was internalising his offences. Mainly because she thought I distracted myself with my baby when she spoke of it! They also put in the PLO letter that I had refused to discuss the offences. This is rubbish. When I was heavily pregnant I refused to discuss details of the images because I'd already been to court and heard the details. Surely that was discussing it enough. I was merely protecting my unborn baby by not wishing to go over details again!
I do feel they made it sound worse in order to get the PLO which will fund the assessment but felt this was unfair. They also stated my religion in the letter of instruction to the Dr which I didn't see necessary. I'm a Christian and they may worry this is leading my desire for reunification though that is not the case at all. It's part of who I am yes but I have no pressure either way whether to stay with him or not!
I also forgot to say my husband lost his job once the offence was published in the paper and shared on social media with a photo so this has been a horrific time. We need an end to it and to get SS out of our lives and regain some normality though I know that things can never be the same again. There's no way I could work atm with all these extra meetings to attend!
Thankyou for your reply!
Re: Time together as a couple advice
I forgot to say the police officer also complained about her and had to trace all the copies. Our children are 13,12,10,7 and 9m.
Re: Time together as a couple advice
Hi May,
What a tough ride. Yes, I think you definitely need to that first social worker out of your mind - it's in the past but I know it repeats on you when people are so horrible.
Reading between the lines, it looks like CS are prepared to support reunification if the evidence supports them. The instructions sound reasonable, and I wouldn't worry about religion being mentioned or what other people have said. The psychologist is not going to be swayed by the opinions of the other people who have been involved in the case or their conclusions, he'll be making his own for better or for worse.
In terms of other things you could be doing to demonstrate how seriously you take this and child protection, have you done anything about disclosure to the children or working with them on self-protection? Except for your baby, they must know what's going on and are all old enough for age-appropriate discussions about self protection. This has been discussed a bit elsewhere (see http://www.frg.org.uk/ParentsForum/view ... 4e4c061dfb but I am sure that it would be good to demonstrate that you have thought about this and done some work with the kids and been proactive. Perhaps something to talk to your SW about?
Good luck with it all!
What a tough ride. Yes, I think you definitely need to that first social worker out of your mind - it's in the past but I know it repeats on you when people are so horrible.
Reading between the lines, it looks like CS are prepared to support reunification if the evidence supports them. The instructions sound reasonable, and I wouldn't worry about religion being mentioned or what other people have said. The psychologist is not going to be swayed by the opinions of the other people who have been involved in the case or their conclusions, he'll be making his own for better or for worse.
In terms of other things you could be doing to demonstrate how seriously you take this and child protection, have you done anything about disclosure to the children or working with them on self-protection? Except for your baby, they must know what's going on and are all old enough for age-appropriate discussions about self protection. This has been discussed a bit elsewhere (see http://www.frg.org.uk/ParentsForum/view ... 4e4c061dfb but I am sure that it would be good to demonstrate that you have thought about this and done some work with the kids and been proactive. Perhaps something to talk to your SW about?
Good luck with it all!
Re: Time together as a couple advice
Hi dd2ss,
That's reassuring to hear your view that you think Cs may support reunification. The SW has said he like nothing more than for everything to work out well and him to come home if it's safe to do so but I never know how much to believe from what they say.
My husband made the disclosure to the children several months ago. We delayed it to make sure the time was right and work out exactly how much or what each child should be told and he told them individually in front of the SW. The SW first of all wrote what points he wanted to be covered and my husband was very up front and open with them. He got a bit upset as did I and even the SW had tears in his eyes. My husband was more candid than I had expected and knew he owed the children and explanation after whst he'd done. They took it on board well for what they understand at their ages and each of them without seeing the others do it hugged their Daddy after and told him they loved him.
We are aware that there r feeling may change as they grow older and more aware but we cannot change the past. We are glad he had that opportunity to be Frank with them and apologise to them and hopefully their relationship isn't damaged beyond repair. We had support from the SW about how he should phrase things. It was very important to us not to rush it and to do it right. Schools were also aware of the timing to be on board.
I have always done keep safe kind of work with the children since they were small and ordered pantosaurus games, books with stickers etc from the Nspcc . I also go through scenarios with them - what would you do if this or that happened this covers their online safety too. I think the name of it was icebreakers also from the nspcc site which I subscribed to. Im grateful for you advice and time to reply! I will update you when we have more news. I'm hoping the assessment report won't be too long a wait.....
That's reassuring to hear your view that you think Cs may support reunification. The SW has said he like nothing more than for everything to work out well and him to come home if it's safe to do so but I never know how much to believe from what they say.
My husband made the disclosure to the children several months ago. We delayed it to make sure the time was right and work out exactly how much or what each child should be told and he told them individually in front of the SW. The SW first of all wrote what points he wanted to be covered and my husband was very up front and open with them. He got a bit upset as did I and even the SW had tears in his eyes. My husband was more candid than I had expected and knew he owed the children and explanation after whst he'd done. They took it on board well for what they understand at their ages and each of them without seeing the others do it hugged their Daddy after and told him they loved him.
We are aware that there r feeling may change as they grow older and more aware but we cannot change the past. We are glad he had that opportunity to be Frank with them and apologise to them and hopefully their relationship isn't damaged beyond repair. We had support from the SW about how he should phrase things. It was very important to us not to rush it and to do it right. Schools were also aware of the timing to be on board.
I have always done keep safe kind of work with the children since they were small and ordered pantosaurus games, books with stickers etc from the Nspcc . I also go through scenarios with them - what would you do if this or that happened this covers their online safety too. I think the name of it was icebreakers also from the nspcc site which I subscribed to. Im grateful for you advice and time to reply! I will update you when we have more news. I'm hoping the assessment report won't be too long a wait.....
Re: Time together as a couple advice
Hi May,
Good luck, hope it all goes well and your way. I see a lot of positives here. I know it doesn't feel like things can ever get back to "normal", but it can and they do. These assessments may not be the end of things and you might have more work to do, but time can work in your favour. Remember not to sell yourself short - if the risk assessment says that there is no risk, I think a court would agree that supervision isn't proportional, especially since it is unlikely to be workable in practice and your children are growing up and can speak for themselves. Fingers are all crossed!
Good luck, hope it all goes well and your way. I see a lot of positives here. I know it doesn't feel like things can ever get back to "normal", but it can and they do. These assessments may not be the end of things and you might have more work to do, but time can work in your favour. Remember not to sell yourself short - if the risk assessment says that there is no risk, I think a court would agree that supervision isn't proportional, especially since it is unlikely to be workable in practice and your children are growing up and can speak for themselves. Fingers are all crossed!
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