Post
by Miserylovescompany2 » Fri Dec 21, 2018 7:00 am
Hi May, below is the post I was referring to...written by OneTimeBadDad
"@IMSIMPLYME.
This is the first time I have posted on FRG;
I am posting because I would like to spread a small amount of hope to offenders and families affected by a conviction for possession of IIOC
Everybody has a different experience, and I will keep my description as brief as possible
* Prior to May 2017; I had never been in trouble with the police, always an upstanding citizen, never unemployed, never a days sick etc.
* May 2017; I was arrested and charged with possession of 85 IIOC images (13 x A, 38 x B and 34 x C with 0 x videos.)
* May 2017; Refused bail, and remanded to prison (surreal..)
* Jun 2017; Sentenced to 14 months, with 7 inside (1 month already served on remand at sentencing)
* Dec 2017; Released
* Jan 2018; Separated from my wife, Children's services closed our case
* Mar 2018; Reconciled with my wife and Children's services reopened our case
* May 2018; Children's services then took us to Child Protection, and children (11yo and 17yo) were not placed on the 'Child protection' register but 'Child in need'
Then because of our determined and evil social worker [who had voiced concern at the first conference that not placing our children on the register was a big mistake]; a second CP conference was called and both children were placed on the register under the category of 'risk of serious sexual harm'
* Allocated new social worker from same borough due to family being unable to work with the old social worker
* New social worker was amazing.. pro-family (where sensible), and realistic about potential risks and appropriate levels of safeguarding
* Aug 2018; Wife and children moved boroughs to avoid local gossip
* Nov 2018; 3rd and final CP conference (a 'transfer in' conference) called in new borough. New social worker gave a well balanced description of progress with family since Children's services had been notified of the arrest. Completely different experience.. professional, competent and personable. Very different attitude from previous borough to this type of non-contact offence. Consequently, the outcome of last (3rd) CP conference was my eldest child (17) removed from CP register, and youngest child (12) kept on register but under new category ('risk of emotional harm' ironically caused by repeated questioning by professionals, which kept taking child back to the shock of the original offence)
* Two weeks after the last CP conference, I returned home with my family with very little intervention from CS
So after 7 months in prison, and a further 12 months battling Children's services (NB probation and PPU were very supportive) my family have been able to return to something resembling a 'normal' family life.
--
My lessons learned (yours may be different);
1) I caused my downfall (not Children's services), and the effect is similar to stepping on a landmine . i.e. As an offender, don't complain about the experience, just try to get everyone out alive
2) Prison is easier for the offender, than the family on the outside. My advice; think of it as national service. The prison culture and experience is similar, and the old timers had to do national service for 2 years
3) There is huge amount of luck which affects your 'experience' depending on the borough/authority which your kids live in, and pot luck which social worker you get within that borough/authority
4) As an offender, your wife/partner must NEVER say her partner is zero risk to your own kids. [Closest analogy is our pet dog; who after 9 years has never bitten a child. But being a dog he 'could' bite a child, so there are risks to consider objectively. Then either a) accept the risk, b) muzzle him or c) euthanise him, lol.. i.e. Just because everybody accepts there is a risk, doesn't mean a risk stops resuming a normal life. It would be foolish to argue outside of this logic, and you *really* do not want to appear to be foolish or defensive in this process]
5) If you live in an area where Children's services use 'signs of safety', you are more likely to experience an objective and professional experience
6) Document everything with Children's services, especially conversations, decisions and key dates. We initially experienced [and were subsequently able to evidence] many 'misunderstandings', innuendo and sometimes blatant lies
To repeat; I am posting my timeline because I would like to spread some hope to offenders and families affected by an arrest or conviction for possession of IIOC.
It can be like staring into an abyss, and can be very scary for all involved
However, it is possible to 'come out the other side'.. But due to inconsistencies in professional processes, competencies etc. there is a huge element of luck involved. You are like a cork bobbing along on the sea, prone to different currents and side winds, getting hit by a boat who isn't looking at you etc.
Very often there is no justice or logic involved in what happens. So if you find yourself on the receiving end of a truly shitty experience, don't take it personally.
And if you (offender, partner or kids) are having a really, really tough time. Perhaps even contemplating the value of your life, please don't.
There is always hope; just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
It will get better."
That sentence about not supporting reunification not supporting rehabilitation is totally right.