Time together as a couple advice

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 220
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Sun Dec 09, 2018 1:03 pm

My second opinion will be done through CYPS who are the equivalent to CAHMS in most areas - comes under NHS. I do not have to fund this. I did ask if I could seek out an independent assessment but was not given a clear answer. CYPS are as bad as CS. So I will be asking many questions prior to any further assessment being carried out.

May12345
Posts: 65
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:03 pm

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by May12345 » Sun Dec 09, 2018 4:49 pm

This psychologist is meant to be independent but I'm suspicious as he's basically echoing what they've said :roll:

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 220
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Sun Dec 09, 2018 5:48 pm

Might I suggest you go on to Companies house website and have a nose into the companies accounts. Pay close attention to who has shares for example. All this info is open to all.

I would go through that report with a fine toothed comb and highlight his words and the words coming from CS. Probably wise if you take a couple of photo copies as you will probably be colouring the entire thing in.

Did you google the psychologists name? Because when I did I found he (fictitious report writer) has a lot of fingers in many pies mostly related to CS. He is overseeing the looked after children in this county! The man is a liability and isn't fit to practice. He is also attached to SEN school. The thing is professionals don't seem to question what is in these reports especially if they are CS related. Ten years ago he was writing reports for insurance claims! I wonder how many envelopes full of money cross hands?

May12345
Posts: 65
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:03 pm

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by May12345 » Sun Dec 09, 2018 7:20 pm

Wow that is interesting! I'd never heard I could look that up. I have hooked his name and he's got his own company and they offer services for LAs interestingly. I also found a court paper he'd written on an awful case where the man had abused his female child relatives. Shocking. I will be nervous if I have to have a review with him. What magical words is he looking for me to say to prove that I am protective? I find it incredibly insulting since conception my children have been protected and my priority I live for them yet because my husband has offended I'm suddenly under scrutiny and despite that have maintained good relationship with the schools and all other professionals. I have kept up with all the demands and continued to parent as well as I can and done all they have asked of me and more yet still this isn't enough. I sincerely hope that Lucy Faithfull can see how well I do and will protect my children and give a good report for me.

PerfectlySafeDad
Posts: 161
Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Tue Dec 11, 2018 2:13 am

Re. these 'professional' reports, 'independent' reports, 'expert' reports etc, it strikes me there is a lot of money in it for some. Safeguarding has become a veritable 'industry', with all the connections and economic relationships that the term embodies. Safeguarding long since burst its banks, it's not about caring it's about zealots back-slapping each other on their benevolent wisdom and lining each others pockets.

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 220
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Tue Dec 11, 2018 9:24 am

These reports can cost thousands each - how many psychologists get repeat business if their report goes against CS?

In the case of my son a 13yo child, a report was written without ever meeting him. It claimed my son had no autistic traits. To give context the report was written and circulated by the lead clinical psychologist at CYPS (equivalent to CAHMS in our area). He then denied he'd written one! I know I'd get nowhere with CYPS complaint process so I initiated a complaint with the NHS. The phycologist is now going to remove the section relating to autism - why do that I wonder? You'd of thought that if he'd made such a statement he would have the knowledge and ability to back up what was written?

The NHS person assigned to deal with my complaint seems to think that a mere talk to him will suffice? He has said sorry apparently. I am entitled to a second opinion. So was this a report or an assessment?

The part that really got me was the fact the NHS person referred to the phycologist by his first name right from the get go.

I still haven't got a copy!

DD2SS
Posts: 35
Joined: Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:56 pm

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by DD2SS » Tue Dec 11, 2018 1:26 pm

Hi May,

Sorry to hear that the report wasn't everything you hoped for. If it makes you feel any better, I was devastated after I received my psychologist report, which contained a lot of unpleasant words that really upset me. It took another two years before some sort of acceptable compromise was reached. This takes a long time to sort out.

You need to take a step back from this report, preferably with some advice from your lawyer. There never seems to be much actual law in family law (in my opinion), but what they can help with is taking your emotion out of what's going on and help plan a strategy. Remember this was never going to be solved purely by this report, and it was always likely that there was going to be more work to do.

[As an aside. There were always historical concerns with expert assessments in family courts, which were notoriously poor. This got better after a review and report on the problem was published a few years back, which apparently raised standards. While I understand why you are frustrated with the report, I would say that's mainly because it didn't say exactly what you wanted it to say, rather than the legitimacy of the report. The report was never there to say what should happen - which is a decision for CS and ultimately a court if you get there - but an opinion on you and your husband. All the people in these cases work for the different 'sides' at different times - the lawyers, the professionals - so your psychologist working for the LA at another time or reaching a different conclusion in another case is irrelevant. You should take advice from your lawyer on whether a second opinion would be much use here, but remember that the second opinion will have sight of the first report and unless there is something factually or blatantly incorrect or the conclusions are bonkers then there will also be a certain amount of professional courtesy and the second report may not deviate too much from the first.]

I think it's worth - from the child centred view - remembering how CS probably see this:

- Your kids are safe, being well raised by yourself, and there are no concerns with parenting.
- The kids are maintaining a relationship with their dad.

You should take comfort in that.

So this is about arrangements for the family moving forward. Clearly the report isn't perfect, but my take on it is what it doesn't say as much as what it does say. It does not say that your husband is a danger to your children and they shouldn't see him. It does not say you are unfit parents. It does not say family reconciliation is impossible. It does not say that the kids will need supervising forever.

In other words, it leaves almost all options open, but that further work is required, which I think was probably expected. I don't think you need to be a psychologist to agree that your husband admitting to drinking more might be risky in terms of reoffending. You concede that the circumstances around your relationship with your husband might be concerning from the outside, so it is inconceivable that the psychologist wouldn't comment on that. I'm not sure that you being in some sort of denial at the moment is unreasonable, if you think about it - the question is whether that affects your ability to report concerns, and the psychologist says that he has no concerns with you colluding. So in court that is arguable. There are things in my report that I took serious issue with at the time but with the benefit of hindsight now know were hard truths.

The question will still be, after you have done the further work, whether whatever arrangements are put in place are proportional to the risk. There may be things you want to clarify at this point from the psychologist, and I would be speaking to my lawyer about this. For instance, so if your husband is low risk and 'unlikely' to contact offend, what does unlikely mean? Is that sufficient to warrant supervision? Does that relate to your own children or other children? (intrafamilial and extrafamilial abuse are different psychologically). If you can get to the bottom of his risk, then you can also legitimately ask the question if he has so little risk to your own children that it is no longer a concern, then why does your ability to protect even matter? (of course it does on one level, but only in the sense that all parents must protect). This may end up being a matter for the court, because ultimately these may end up being decisions only a judge can make based on weighing up all the available evidence.

Keep going, it may not be perfect but there are positives here for you all.

May12345
Posts: 65
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:03 pm

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by May12345 » Tue Dec 11, 2018 11:24 pm

Hi Dd2ss, thanks for your reply you made some really good points. It's definitely a benefit to have another persons view of the report because its so hard to be objective when it's about yourself and your parenting, your relationship etc. I found it encouraging to think about whst the Dr could have said and see the positives in that too so Thankyou.

Bit of an update. I rang the Lucy Faithfull today as I had an appointment to speak to the lady running the Inform Course that the Dr had recommended for me. She said that because the Psychologist has recommended it the one that I had already self referred too wouldn't be the best route as there would be no report from it. But that I had to ask my SW to refer me to the course that would be more tailored and include a report and any relevant interventions for me to protect the children. This would also have to be funded by the LA.
I've emailed the SW to pass on the phone number and person to speak to so hopefully he will get permission from his manager or her manager to make the referral. We have the second plo meeting next week so maybe it will be discussed then. Do they have the right to decline the referral and funding even though the Dr has recommended it? I do feel that LF would be more favourable and the most beneficial to me and they are the top specialists who usually train psychologists, SW etc etc..... Has anyone on here done the Inform Course? It does look very good....

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 220
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Wed Dec 12, 2018 11:33 am

Might I suggest you back up what you requested verbally in writing - explain to them just like you have done on here. Also ask for their response to be in writing. If they do decline there is nothing stopping you from going down the complaint route. Can LF put their suggestions in writing - this would give your request more weight.

May12345
Posts: 65
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:03 pm

Re: Time together as a couple advice

Post by May12345 » Wed Dec 12, 2018 12:10 pm

Thanks good idea Il do that!

SW due his visit tomorrow so can speak then too. I'll definitely complain if they don't refer!

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