Totally confused

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Cool49
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Oct 09, 2018 9:17 pm

Totally confused

Post by Cool49 » Thu Oct 11, 2018 11:26 pm

Hi ,my husband's ex wife and her new husband (who is now in prison for sex offences (against an adult)have caused nothing but trouble from day 1 of us meeting.The kids are under child protection (due to oldest disabled child being violent)he's now in care ) and my husband wasn't informed ,even though he had contact with his son weekly ,said they had no address for us and said it was disgraceful that they didn't, when in fact social workers had been to our property as my husband fought for contact with his son and had a court order (She already had 2 children when my husband was with her, so he had 1 son and 2 step children. )We 've had pin notices against them, police have been out 12 times whilst he fought for contact to see his son. He managed to get contact and and was going great till social worker put note through our door (No signature )saying contact not to go ahead ,also rang my daughter saying my husband is not allowed to be left alone with grandson or they d take action.(No explanation)just that ex step son had made an allegation dating back 8 years ago and police were aware.To cut a long story short (countless accusations ,unfounded)have been made over the years by his ex .My husband has decided not to stay in contact with his son due to our declining mental health (depression).We had meeting with social worker (who was horrid to us )and are now complaining.she accused my husband of not providing a contact address, of past domestic abuse (I got sick of his ex saying it ,so did Claire's law and not 1 thing flagged up)not picking his child up ,(he did every week)he fought 2 year for contact.we found out my husband is being accused of a sex offence that alleged to have happened years ago to his stepson.He has given a voluntary statement to police in June (We 've heard nothing)my husband has refuted all claims .We had another meeting with social services and they asked if my husband would write to his son, so he said yes.He wrote a lovely letter ,left open at social worker request ,my husband rang social worker to see if he liked the letter. Social worker replied he hasn't recieved it cos his mother said he can't have it.just totally confused about everything, social services stop contact ,ask to write a letter then get told he can't have it.Feels like we are just both going slowly insane. We 've put complaint in about social worker who we had 1st meeting with and it's going to stage 2.We have that meeting Tuesday. Sorry for the long post ,it's crippling us all of the stress and we still don't kno the outcome of this latest false allegation.

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Totally confused

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:52 am

Hello

I would imagine the crux of this is the allegation - until the police have concluded their investigation you will all be stuck in limbo.

As is stands from CS point of view there is a safeguarding concern which will be ongoing. With regard to CS not informing your husband that his son had been placed on a CPP was wrong. Do you know if your husband currently holds joint PR with the mother? I am assuming he is on the birth certificate and the child was born after 2003 (which if memory serves was when the law changed). He should be part of the CPP and be invited to meetings and also receive information relating to his son. He would not be entitled to the information regarding the step children. So the CPP meetings could have had him present to discuss the concerns relating to his son. He would either be asked to leave the room or if the mother of other two children consented to CS sharing the other info he would stay.

I am wondering if the disclosure claiming their was domestic abuse?Then CS would not have him in the same meeting. Surely you'd of thought they would have needed proof? Even if that was the case he would still be entitled to the info on his son.

If your husbands child is on a CPP - he might be able to get legal aid if he meets the criteria. I would definitely look into this.

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2116
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Totally confused

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Oct 17, 2018 11:49 am

Cool49 wrote:Hi ,my husband's ex wife and her new husband (who is now in prison for sex offences (against an adult)have caused nothing but trouble from day 1 of us meeting.The kids are under child protection (due to oldest disabled child being violent)he's now in care ) and my husband wasn't informed ,even though he had contact with his son weekly ,said they had no address for us and said it was disgraceful that they didn't, when in fact social workers had been to our property as my husband fought for contact with his son and had a court order (She already had 2 children when my husband was with her, so he had 1 son and 2 step children. )We 've had pin notices against them, police have been out 12 times whilst he fought for contact to see his son. He managed to get contact and and was going great till social worker put note through our door (No signature )saying contact not to go ahead ,also rang my daughter saying my husband is not allowed to be left alone with grandson or they d take action.(No explanation)just that ex step son had made an allegation dating back 8 years ago and police were aware.To cut a long story short (countless accusations ,unfounded)have been made over the years by his ex .My husband has decided not to stay in contact with his son due to our declining mental health (depression).We had meeting with social worker (who was horrid to us )and are now complaining.she accused my husband of not providing a contact address, of past domestic abuse (I got sick of his ex saying it ,so did Claire's law and not 1 thing flagged up)not picking his child up ,(he did every week)he fought 2 year for contact.we found out my husband is being accused of a sex offence that alleged to have happened years ago to his stepson.He has given a voluntary statement to police in June (We 've heard nothing)my husband has refuted all claims .We had another meeting with social services and they asked if my husband would write to his son, so he said yes.He wrote a lovely letter ,left open at social worker request ,my husband rang social worker to see if he liked the letter. Social worker replied he hasn't recieved it cos his mother said he can't have it.just totally confused about everything, social services stop contact ,ask to write a letter then get told he can't have it.Feels like we are just both going slowly insane. We 've put complaint in about social worker who we had 1st meeting with and it's going to stage 2.We have that meeting Tuesday. Sorry for the long post ,it's crippling us all of the stress and we still don't kno the outcome of this latest false allegation.
Dear Cool49

Thank you for your post and welcome to the parents’ discussion forum.
My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that you and your husband are having a difficulties because of children’s services involvement following allegations of sexual abuse made by your husband’s stepson against him.

You have outline quite a history of issues between your husband and his ex-wife relating to contact with his son. Your husband was able to obtain an order from the court for contact. It is unfortunate that, from what you say, due to the mother’s behaviour he decided to end contact with his son.

As your husband did not adopt his stepchildren he does not have parental responsibility for them and would not have been informed about them been on child protection plans. However, since his son is part of the family he should have been informed and given information about any concerns that children’s services have regarding his child for whom he does have parental responsibility as he was married to the mother. See our advice sheet relating Parental Responsibility for more information.

It is not clear from your post if it is the child who is currently in the care of the local authority or another child who made the allegations. How old is the child, the allegation is of abuse dating back 8 years.

It seems from what you have said in your post that when you met with the social worker that she did not have an open mind but appear to have accepted what his ex-wife reported about him. This, I do not think was a professional way for the social worker to act as her role should have been to obtain information from your husband rather than making accusations. You already have an ongoing complaint regarding the way the social worker handled the matter. It may be helpful for you to read our advice sheet Challenging decisions and making complaints going forward with your complaint which is currently at stage 2.

Your husband cooperated with children's services by writing a letter as requested. I am assuming that it was considered to be in his son’s interests for this letter to be written to him. I think it might be helpful for you husband to write to the social worker to ask why his son could not have the letter, it is not enough to say the mother does not want him to have it. Both parents have parental responsibility. If the mother objects then she should give a reason to the social worker.

Having a meeting with the social worker might be a way to try and get answers about why his son is on child protection and he was not informed. Please read information from our frequently asked questions specifically for fathers when children’s services involved. Our advice sheet relating to Child protection procedures will give you and your husband more details.

The police are continuing their investigation so the likelihood is that children’s services will await the outcome of this before taking further action. I am sorry that you and your husband are so distressed by the situation but the best thing to do now is wait for the police investigation to be completed. Your husband should keep in touch with his solicitor who will be able to offer advice about the criminal investigation.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser about children's services, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30am to 3pm.

I hope this is of help.

Best wishes

Suzie

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