Dear Broken family,
Welcome to the Parents Forum.
I am sorry to hear about the recent difficulties you have had and that your family is being assessed by children services. I can hear how stressful it has been. You have also had to cope with your younger child being in hospital for 5 weeks, and your partner-father of your youngest- having to move out while assessments take place as well as you and the children having to move as well.
Children services are insisting that both you and your partner must be supervised when you are with your children. If you do not agree, children services have threatened court proceedings. So family life must be very difficult.
The intervention by children services stemmed from you and your partner restraining your 7 year old daughter and causing bruises on her arms. Her father reported this to the police who investigated but decided to take no further action.
Understandably, in these circumstances, children services have to assume the worse-until they know otherwise. That the injuries could have been done deliberately as well as the fact they could have been accidental. If they allowed you and your partner to have unsupervised contact, and she suffered a further injury, then children services would have failed to protect her.
Sometimes children are expected to live elsewhere (with family or in foster care) when physical abuse is suspected. Luckily you have family who can supervise you.
Ask about timescales and what is expected of you during the assessment. It might seem more manageable if you know what to expect, when it will end and how many times you will be visited.
Here is some information about assessments.
In respect of your daughter’s behaviour, I am surprised that children services have stopped the CAMHs assessment. Why have they not put it on hold until their assessment has been completed? Ask the social worker why this has happened? Her behaviour could be due to autism or another condition and any delay in her getting treatment could be detrimental.
You should let them know that you have asked the GP to refer to a hospital based neuro-development team-as they are likely to find out themselves from the GP and may think you are failing to cooperate. Are they worried about you seeking too many medical assessments for your daughter?
You could speak to the National Autistic Society about autism and whether they can recommend any parenting courses. Or Family Lives could give advice and support about dealing with difficult behaviour.
Finally, I get the impression that the social worker has not explained their involvement properly.
Our advice sheet 9 –child protection procedures explains what happens when there is a child protection referral. Also look at our tips to help parents to work with children services .
If you need further advice, please post again or call our private and confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie
Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,
- Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4260
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
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- Posts: 171
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Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,
This to me is a prime example of how CS are out of their depth on so many issues, and not fit for purpose, and too arrogant to admit it. Nobody can deny your situation is quite complex and fragile, and there are issues with your kid's well-being with living conditions, illnesses and volatile relationships (your ex and his problem with the stepdad). However.. 1) these things are part and parcel of human existence with every family to some extent, the problem is where CS choose to make it THEIR business 2) what makes CS think they can do any better, with their intrusive behaviour, threatening assessments and draconian tools such as care orders, protection plans all of which may well do/be doing more harm than good.
Prime examples.. childhood epilepsy and Down's Syndrome - nobody but a caring parent is better placed to understand these things, and the children themselves are extra- vulnerable to trauma and the disruption caused by CS.
This strikes a chord with me, having a 13yo son with both Downs AND epilepsy![Sad :-(](./images/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif)
I've cared for him since birth, along with his Mum, gone through all the worrying and heartbreaking tests, nurtured his progress ever since with perfectly normal love; I bonded with him, he needs me. There's no evidence to the contrary - apart from the fact I offended on the internet! So by association (their assessment, prediction, 'guesswork') I'm a risk and can only see him supervised and can't live with him. This means if anything happens to his Mum, he'll be eaten alive and possibly lost to the state's so-called 'care system'. His own house is specially adapted for him, nobody understands his needs and state of mind better than me or his Mum, yet he'd be in the clutches of all manner of alleged experts who cannot possibly care about him as much as a parent. They claim they care - it's not about care, it's about backcovering, the fear of having another Baby P on their hands, and a brutal and dumb spreading of the draconian net in response to that, instead of more intelligent focused work.
If they devoted their attention to cases where there's quite clearly a history of uncaring and even direct attacks on a child, instead of disrupting where they think there's the smallest possible future risk based on conjecture around illnesses or unrelated offences they don't understand, they'd have actually prevented those tragic cases in the first place.
The problem is once a family is in their sights, they won't let go, because they're too proud to admit mistakes let alone do a U-turn, even though it would be an act of compassion, common sense and trust. The fact is it's a disaster for any family to come to the attention of CS, because once this has happened they'll be flagging up anything and everything that would actually constitute perfectly safe and normal behaviour of non-flagged families; in other words, almost ANY family in the land would fail their assessments on 'something', if they were unlucky enough to be referred.
Case in point; their ludicrous statement that your kids should be hone by 6pm.
Their dictatorialness is at such a pitch that merely disagreeing with them on something can get you labelled 'aggressive' in a heartbeat, then that becomes canonical fact in their assessments.
They prove the very names they get called (and usually censored here and elsewhere) by their very actions.
It seems, once under their supervision, all you can do is let them have their way and hope they'll eventually go away and that all your important family ties have not been destroyed in the meantime.
Prime examples.. childhood epilepsy and Down's Syndrome - nobody but a caring parent is better placed to understand these things, and the children themselves are extra- vulnerable to trauma and the disruption caused by CS.
This strikes a chord with me, having a 13yo son with both Downs AND epilepsy
![Sad :-(](./images/smilies/icon_e_sad.gif)
I've cared for him since birth, along with his Mum, gone through all the worrying and heartbreaking tests, nurtured his progress ever since with perfectly normal love; I bonded with him, he needs me. There's no evidence to the contrary - apart from the fact I offended on the internet! So by association (their assessment, prediction, 'guesswork') I'm a risk and can only see him supervised and can't live with him. This means if anything happens to his Mum, he'll be eaten alive and possibly lost to the state's so-called 'care system'. His own house is specially adapted for him, nobody understands his needs and state of mind better than me or his Mum, yet he'd be in the clutches of all manner of alleged experts who cannot possibly care about him as much as a parent. They claim they care - it's not about care, it's about backcovering, the fear of having another Baby P on their hands, and a brutal and dumb spreading of the draconian net in response to that, instead of more intelligent focused work.
If they devoted their attention to cases where there's quite clearly a history of uncaring and even direct attacks on a child, instead of disrupting where they think there's the smallest possible future risk based on conjecture around illnesses or unrelated offences they don't understand, they'd have actually prevented those tragic cases in the first place.
The problem is once a family is in their sights, they won't let go, because they're too proud to admit mistakes let alone do a U-turn, even though it would be an act of compassion, common sense and trust. The fact is it's a disaster for any family to come to the attention of CS, because once this has happened they'll be flagging up anything and everything that would actually constitute perfectly safe and normal behaviour of non-flagged families; in other words, almost ANY family in the land would fail their assessments on 'something', if they were unlucky enough to be referred.
Case in point; their ludicrous statement that your kids should be hone by 6pm.
Their dictatorialness is at such a pitch that merely disagreeing with them on something can get you labelled 'aggressive' in a heartbeat, then that becomes canonical fact in their assessments.
They prove the very names they get called (and usually censored here and elsewhere) by their very actions.
It seems, once under their supervision, all you can do is let them have their way and hope they'll eventually go away and that all your important family ties have not been destroyed in the meantime.
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- Posts: 171
- Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am
Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,
The rebranding is very significant. It's pernicious, even though in the warped minds of the people behind it the intention might have been good. It shows the shift from the motivation to 'help' families and the true notion of support, to a narrow-minded obsession with 'safeguarding' only the child, which they do by effectively claiming control of the child's life. Whenever somebody from the local authority mentions the word 'support', as in 'we'll consider whether your family needs extra support', it makes my blood run cold. I can see in their eyes I'm face to face with a kind of lunatic, or at least someone well-intentioned but brainwashed by the training they've had. All I want to sodding do is take my son for a coffee or a bike-ride, like we've done perfectly normally all his life; it's not rocket science yet they make it as difficult and drawn out as a voyage to Mars because of their processes and fear of what 'might' go wrong based on no evidence of anything going wrong before.
If I expressed this, they'd brand it as instability or even insanity on my part, yet there's a trail of good reason to feel that way in my own case and in what I hear of others. It's tangibly like Stalinist Russia now, in that if you even criticise the system you're branded as needing treatment or even locking up (done by removing you from your kid's lives, which has the same effect for their purposes): Looks like your husband and your parents-in-law are kind of in this position.
They view the parents (or ANY other adult outside their own little quango) as commodities of risk instead of human beings. Everyone is in effect forced to 'prove' they're not an active abuser (difficult) or a future abuser (impossible), either by obsession with DBR checks which can fail on the stupidest things, or a very long and hard road to redemption for those weak enough to have offended in any way. 'Offender' has become a kind of modern religious word like 'heretic' or 'witch' used to be, and even if a person has not been legally branded as one by doing something to attract police and judiciary, the CS will try to make you out to be one, or even anybody by association who dares to speak up for you.
I've been accused of letting my kids down badly by former friends, and that's about the one thing I do agree with - by being stupid enough to drag us all into this witch hunt, but not by anything I've done to them in myself. The pain of this drowns out my remorse for the crap I got up to on the internet, they prevent moving on because they perpetuate stigma and brand a person as something 10x worse than the mistakes they made in the past, and in effect they exact their own sentence for crimes not committed but theoretically 'might be'.
Good luck taking them to court. It should be made illegal to police the future.
If I expressed this, they'd brand it as instability or even insanity on my part, yet there's a trail of good reason to feel that way in my own case and in what I hear of others. It's tangibly like Stalinist Russia now, in that if you even criticise the system you're branded as needing treatment or even locking up (done by removing you from your kid's lives, which has the same effect for their purposes): Looks like your husband and your parents-in-law are kind of in this position.
They view the parents (or ANY other adult outside their own little quango) as commodities of risk instead of human beings. Everyone is in effect forced to 'prove' they're not an active abuser (difficult) or a future abuser (impossible), either by obsession with DBR checks which can fail on the stupidest things, or a very long and hard road to redemption for those weak enough to have offended in any way. 'Offender' has become a kind of modern religious word like 'heretic' or 'witch' used to be, and even if a person has not been legally branded as one by doing something to attract police and judiciary, the CS will try to make you out to be one, or even anybody by association who dares to speak up for you.
I've been accused of letting my kids down badly by former friends, and that's about the one thing I do agree with - by being stupid enough to drag us all into this witch hunt, but not by anything I've done to them in myself. The pain of this drowns out my remorse for the crap I got up to on the internet, they prevent moving on because they perpetuate stigma and brand a person as something 10x worse than the mistakes they made in the past, and in effect they exact their own sentence for crimes not committed but theoretically 'might be'.
Good luck taking them to court. It should be made illegal to police the future.
Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,
That is great news. Am really glad you are all getting to be s family again. The only thing I will say is be careful about secretly recording things thanks to the new GDPR guidelines which means that you should have the person's permission to do so first.
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- Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2016 2:57 am
Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,
This is very inspiring and informative, thanks Broken, although sad progress has to come in such a way. It's all very well for people to advise 'work with them', 'allay their concerns' etc, but when their concerns are not reasonable and their way of working is shambolic, cruel and protracted, this may not be a realistic or healthy option - for the children indeed, not just the adults undergoing their 'support'/suspicion or whatever they think it is. Who knows, perhaps your story can be the next national news article about SS human rights abuses. The more these travesties are highlighted, the sooner the whole damn system might get reformed. On the other hand, you're probably so exhausted you just want to let it go quietly (that's how they get away with it), and who can blame you. Good luck with the Ombudsman, it sounds like you have genuinely strong allies.
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- Posts: 220
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm
Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,
I am pleased to read some positive news. I sincerely hope you get some justice through the HCPC regarding the social worker.
The thing that really annoys me is the fact Children's services rule people through fear and are allowed to write whatever they feel like under the guise and protection of safeguarding. I honestly believe a starter point for a better system would be transparency around what knowledge and training each SW has.
I have also been on the receiving end of diabolical treatment similar to that of your own. Lets hope more families do record and gather evidence towards getting each underhand SW struck off the register. I am currently pursuing the HCPC route myself not only for SW's but for a phycologist who claimed my 13yo son had no traits of autism without ever meeting my son or obtaining his consent.
In my case - I was TOLD on the 15th November that my 13yo son could not have contact with his 3.5yo sibling. No explanation given. I was told if I did not comply they would go along the safeguarding route. Fast forward to yesterday and now suddenly my son can come home for Christmas!
My son requested the assistance of his advocate to aid him in finding a lawyer who had knowledge and experience in representing clients who had been discriminated against.
I think now CS will be "bleeping" themselves because my son does have a very strong case against them.
The thing that really annoys me is the fact Children's services rule people through fear and are allowed to write whatever they feel like under the guise and protection of safeguarding. I honestly believe a starter point for a better system would be transparency around what knowledge and training each SW has.
I have also been on the receiving end of diabolical treatment similar to that of your own. Lets hope more families do record and gather evidence towards getting each underhand SW struck off the register. I am currently pursuing the HCPC route myself not only for SW's but for a phycologist who claimed my 13yo son had no traits of autism without ever meeting my son or obtaining his consent.
In my case - I was TOLD on the 15th November that my 13yo son could not have contact with his 3.5yo sibling. No explanation given. I was told if I did not comply they would go along the safeguarding route. Fast forward to yesterday and now suddenly my son can come home for Christmas!
My son requested the assistance of his advocate to aid him in finding a lawyer who had knowledge and experience in representing clients who had been discriminated against.
I think now CS will be "bleeping" themselves because my son does have a very strong case against them.
- Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4260
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,
Dear BrokenfamilyBrokenfamily wrote: ↑Sat Dec 15, 2018 12:56 pm Update: My husband is coming home!!! We will finally be back together as a family and just in time for Christmas. We’ve still got to complete a few parenting things and he has to do anger management but it’s a start!
I filed a complaint with our local authority regarding several social workers unprofessionalism and things that were said to me that should not have been said. And guess what... their “final response” states that the social workers in question are denying everything! Even about telling me “I make people out to be bad when I don’t want them in my life anymore”. I am furious. They have the nerve to constantly claim I am lying to them about anything and everything, yet they have the audacity to lie on an official complaint!! I’ve escalated my complaint to the local government ombudsmen and I have also reported the main social worker in question to the HCPC. I will not let this go. Victim support and refuge are involved and are very upset about the way I have been treated. I have requested the social worker receives further training on dealing with victims of domestic violence.
Fortunately we have a wonderful social worker who has not only helped to bring my husband home before Christmas, but who has also listened to my daughter’s views, helped me get a school place for her, and she has helped to prevent me from undergoing psychological assessments.
The result of the parenting assessment and the following child protection conference stated that my husband was to remain out of the home, that I am lying about everything and even went so far as to state I exaggerate my child’s epilepsy! They claimed I have mental health problems and I am unrealistic and put my husband before my children. They also claimed I lack the capacity to parent my children appropriately and I’m manipulative etc etc. The list is endless. It was an unprovoked personal attack on myself and yet barely a word said about my husband, apart from he needs anger management because he became angry during the interviews just once. I became angry with them on multiple occasions yet I have not been asked to do this. As a result of the “professionals” comments the children are remaining on a child protection plan because of ME!?
I am very confused that things have suddenly taken a u-turn. Our social worker said at the core group meeting (where no one else turned up) that I don’t need the assessments, my husband is coming home and they are no longer pursuing contact with my child’s father. We’re all wondering if somethings happened we’re not aware of? Perhaps she knows they have been awful towards me.
All I can say to anyone is RECORD EVERYTHING! put a camera somewhere, use Audio, do anything you can to get proof of their conduct! I wish I had and now I’m having to fight this on my word against theres.
Thank you for your post, I am glad to read of your family’s reunification.
From what I read in your final paragraphs you may have questions that remain unanswered, perhaps (once you are settled) you might consider accessing the information held about you and your family, our advice sheetAccess to information held by Children’s Services may be useful.
In relation to recording professionals, the Transparency Project have produced this document.
Best wishes
Suzie
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