Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Brokenfamily
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 07, 2018 12:56 pm

Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Postby Brokenfamily » Mon Sep 17, 2018 11:37 am

Our family has been separated since 25th July. On the 24th July my daughter had one of her “meltdowns” and attacked myself and her stepfather, she even bit him twice. She has epilepsy and we were afraid for her safety so we restrained her on her bed as it’s her safe space with bed guards and a anti suffocation pillow. She fought against us becoming more aggressive and we unfortunately caused bruising to her arms. Her father does not like us (domestic violence during my relationship with him, and my daughter adores her stepfather), so he called the police and social services and my husband was arrested yet for some reason I was not.
Her father placed all the blame on my husband yet fortunately the police understood and decided to take no further action. This angered my daughter’s father and he has been threatening our family ever since.

He is now posting on Facebook asking for my husband’s whereabouts and threatening him with violence and encouraging his friends to do the same. We have the police involved now. My daughter gave a different version of events because she was interviewed with her father, and she now admits he told her to say bad things about me and her step dad, but the social workers don’t believe this and say she’s telling us things we want to hear, she’s 7.

I was removed from the family home with my three children the same day my husband was arrested and also removed. I was forced to live at my mothers house which is very overcrowded and cluttered yet they wouldn’t listen. At first they wanted to take my boys from me (my daughter stayed at my grandmothers) but I fought this as my 6 month old with Down’s syndrome syndrome had heart failure and I’m trained in how to look after him. Luckily they let me stay at my mothers with them as the next day my son was rushed to ****Children’s hospital and on 31st July he had open heart surgery. We spent 5 weeks in hospital, my husband was allowed to stay also with myself supervising, and then they discharged me and my son to my mothers address, again not listening to my concerns.

Well a week ago I broke the written agreement I was forced to sign without even reading (there are no court orders), and I moved my children back home. We woke up covered in flea bites and there were mice in the house! I refused to stay there any longer. I sought legal advice and was told I could infact stay unsupervised with my children because there was no court orders in place and I hadn’t agreed to be supervised. The social workers didn’t agree and threatened to take the children by going to court for an emergency care order. My pensioner grandmother has been forced to stay at my house with me ever since.

They have prevented CAMHS from assessing my daughter claiming her behaviour is due to circumstances at home!! I had already been to my GP before any of this happened because I was concerned she is displaying signs of ADHD and possibly Oppositional Defiant Disorder too. They agreed with my concerns and referred her, but I knew CAMHS we’re backing out so I asked my GP to transfer the referral to a neurodevelopment team at a hospital instead, I’m now hoping they can’t interfere with this also.

All blame is placed on us, we have tried everything to help my daughter but she can not regulate and even staying at my mothers house she’s had meltdowns and even attacked my 17 year old sister! They won’t believe what I say! Her father is even saying that my husband moved in with us without even meeting my daughter! And that her epilepsy was caused by him! And he’s stating that my husband is violent and controlling with me! I actually think this man is describing himself because my husband is a wonderful man and we have a fantastic marriage.

I’m absolutely devastated he cannot be at home with us and as my nan won’t look after the children on her own I’m effectively a prisoner and can’t even spend time alone with my husband. He’s struggling with this and working every day still but he’s 20 miles away staying with his parents. They won’t even allow his parents to see the children either!

A social worker visited my in laws (I was supposed to be going home with them staying at my house), and she asked them what they thought about what happened. They stated they understood our situation, and knew we never intended to bruise her. She told my in laws they are unsafe to be around children!! My father in law did not take kindly to this and told her she’s making a meal out of it all, so now they’re classed as aggressive!

My husband saw the children for the first time last Saturday for two hours at a contact centre. They had missed him a lot, especially my daughter as she calls him “daddy”. This was never encouraged by us but she has a wonderful relationship with him. Her father has rarely bothered with her, always picks her up hours later, doesn’t feed her, or give her medication and he leaves her unattended in cinemas, restaurants and unlocked cars. He took her swimming when she can’t swim and left her alone with no armbands in the pool. Her seizures have no warning. We even believe he’s taken her on drug deals as he’s left her outside houses in his unlocked car while she says he brings back money. He was previously convicted for dealing. We stopped his over night stays with her as she was telling us he was staying in bed and telling her to wake him if she needed him, she can’t do this if she’s having a seizure! She was scared and uncomfortable because he made her sleep in his bed too. Now she’s told social workers ALONE she does not want to see him. He is telling them I’m making her say this (I was still in hospital when this happened and I didn’t even know she was being spoken to!) and the social workers AGREE they need to remove her from the situation to discover how she really feels??

I have no idea what’s going on. They won’t listen to us and we’re made out to be something we are not. They even claimed I have mental health problems because “I believe what I am saying is the truth but it actually isn’t”, so basically they say I’m lying. I’m refusing to do this! I am perfectly sane. All the while my daughter’s father is being listened to, still attending meetings separately and they treat him like the sun shines out of his backside. I’m very proud of my daughter fo finally speaking up and telling them she doesn’t want to see him. I feel so awful for making her go out with him when on many occasions she didn’t want to.

Apparently we’re starting parenting assessment this week and I’m hoping they will finally see the truth and that our children are not at risk from us and we just want to help my daughter. None of this is her fault and I’ve told her that. Both of us deeply regret bruising her as we only meant to protect her. They treat us like we attacked her and that’s not what happened, I’d placed her on the naughty step beforehand and tried talking to her but nothing was calming her down, I even sent her to her room but she broke her bedroom door throwing herself into it. Solicitors are reluctant to help because nothings going to court. I’m just so lost right now. My family is utterly broken and it’s my sons 2nd birthday this week and his father can’t even see him! We need advice, just anything at all will help.
***amended by Suzie to protect confidentiality

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Children now under child protection Plan and husband removed from home,

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:15 pm

Dear Broken family,

Welcome to the Parents Forum.

I am sorry to hear about the recent difficulties you have had and that your family is being assessed by children services. I can hear how stressful it has been. You have also had to cope with your younger child being in hospital for 5 weeks, and your partner-father of your youngest- having to move out while assessments take place as well as you and the children having to move as well.
Children services are insisting that both you and your partner must be supervised when you are with your children. If you do not agree, children services have threatened court proceedings. So family life must be very difficult.

The intervention by children services stemmed from you and your partner restraining your 7 year old daughter and causing bruises on her arms. Her father reported this to the police who investigated but decided to take no further action.

Understandably, in these circumstances, children services have to assume the worse-until they know otherwise. That the injuries could have been done deliberately as well as the fact they could have been accidental. If they allowed you and your partner to have unsupervised contact, and she suffered a further injury, then children services would have failed to protect her.
Sometimes children are expected to live elsewhere (with family or in foster care) when physical abuse is suspected. Luckily you have family who can supervise you.
Ask about timescales and what is expected of you during the assessment. It might seem more manageable if you know what to expect, when it will end and how many times you will be visited.

Here is some information about assessments.

In respect of your daughter’s behaviour, I am surprised that children services have stopped the CAMHs assessment. Why have they not put it on hold until their assessment has been completed? Ask the social worker why this has happened? Her behaviour could be due to autism or another condition and any delay in her getting treatment could be detrimental.
You should let them know that you have asked the GP to refer to a hospital based neuro-development team-as they are likely to find out themselves from the GP and may think you are failing to cooperate. Are they worried about you seeking too many medical assessments for your daughter?

You could speak to the National Autistic Society about autism and whether they can recommend any parenting courses. Or Family Lives could give advice and support about dealing with difficult behaviour.

Finally, I get the impression that the social worker has not explained their involvement properly.
Our advice sheet 9 –child protection procedures explains what happens when there is a child protection referral. Also look at our tips to help parents to work with children services .

If you need further advice, please post again or call our private and confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,
Suzie


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