Social services bullying

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ginger820
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2018 10:28 pm

Social services bullying

Post by ginger820 » Wed Aug 01, 2018 8:09 pm

Hi I need some advice....
My 4 kids are on cp plan and I have met a new man. He was amazing with my kids, especially my 13 Yr old who has behavioural and anger difficulties. They all adore him. But as he has an extensive criminal record, ss are insisting he has no contact with my children which is very upsetting all round. He has served time for his crimes (none of a sexual, child endangerment, domestic violence nature ) and works closely with his probation officer. He has voluntarily provided clean drug tests, has a full time job and is learning to drive. He has turned his life around. But on paper he has been very bad! He has been crime free for 2 yrs. He has said he wi do whatever is needed to prove himself. But the problem is that ss are writing him off, saying he's no good and they are taking so long to assess him. We feel like it's not important. The social worker is a bully and really has no humanity. She will constantly tear me down and makes me feel totally worthless plus twists everything I say. I have requested a new one but wa turned down and now things are even worse. My kids are on cp for 3 reasons; I am not tough enough on my children and lack solid boundaries which I admit. But due to multiple bereavements, thus has proved hard as the children are suffering from their loss. Second., my 5 Yr old refuses flat out to take his bowel meds and for this I'm accused of neglect. And finally, my 13 Yr old has severe anxiety and refuses to attend school. I am being prosecuted for this. I just don't know what to do. We miss him so much and he had such a positive effect on us when he was here.

ginger820
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Jul 26, 2018 10:28 pm

Re: Social services bullying

Post by ginger820 » Thu Aug 02, 2018 11:44 am

Please help.... I really need advice :(

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2157
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Social services bullying

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Aug 06, 2018 1:46 pm

Hello ginger820

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I see that you are having a difficult and frustrating time due to children’s services (new name for social services) involvement with your family.

Your children are on child protection plans under the category of neglect and you believe that children’s services are not taking account of the family’s needs as they have said that your partner should not be having contact with your children.

It is not clear from your post whether your children were already on child protection plans prior to the start of your relationship with your partner. How long have the children been on child protection plans and are you following the plan and doing what has been asked of you? It is really important that you try and work with children’s services so that the concerns that they have about your ability to care for your children are addressed. Please read our advice sheet about Child protection procedures.

Children’s services it appears has concerns about your partner’s criminal background and how this might impact on the children and you. You have stated in your post the offences you think you partner has not committed but you have not said what his offences were. He has been crime free from 2 years but still have probation involvement which suggests that he is either on licence or was required to engage with probation in respect of a conviction. You have said yourself that he looks very bad on paper so I think you should show an understanding of why children’s services are concerned. If you are unable to do this, children’s services will have concerns about your ability to protect your children.

Whilst he may have been supportive of you and the children, children’s services have to carry out a risk assessment to decide what level of risk, if any, he poses to the children. In your post you say that they are taking a long time to do this. If you have been waiting for this assessment to be done for a really long time then you could write to the social worker and the social worker’s team manager to ask that they give details of when the assessment will start and the timescale for completing it. Ask for a written response.

Perhaps it would be helpful for you and your children to have bereavement counselling which might help you and the children. Here are a couple of links you may wish to look at for bereavement counselling and counselling for the children . I hope you will be able to get help and support from these organisations so that things will be better for you and the children.

You say that you find it difficult to put in boundaries for the children and it appears you are not able to manage their behaviour. Have you considered attending a parenting course which might help you to learn strategies to put boundaries in place and to get the children to listen to you? I suggest you ask the social worker to arrange for you to attend a parenting course.

Is your 13 year old receiving help from CAMHS or any other service for his or her anxiety? If not, you could ask your doctor of the social worker to make a referral. He or she clearly needs support to cope with what you describe as severe anxiety.

As I have said above, it is really important that you cooperate with children’s services and the child protection plan in place. I understand that you feel frustrated by your situation and believe that the social worker is not been helpful. You have already asked for a change of social worker which it is your right to do but you do not have a right to have the social worker changed.

I think it might help if you try to focus more on what you are expected to do rather than your partner. Children’s services expect that you will put the children’s needs first. If you do not show that you have an understanding of or insight into the issues of concern, children’s services could decide that you are not working with them to safeguard your children and, if you are not doing what has been asked of you, and seek legal advice about whether they should take the case to the next stage. This could be a pre proceedings meeting (PLO meeting) which looks at what needs to happen to prevent children’s services making an application to the court for care orders which, if granted, would mean they share parental responsibility and can make decisions about there the children live.

It is not my intention to worry you but I think it is important that you understand the importance of engaging and working with children’s services. I do not know your age but if you are a young parent you may find it helpful to look at our young parents website . |You will find information about the best way to work with social worker and other professionals.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser about your situation, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 3066. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

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