Cpo order / court proceedings before baby is born/ domestic abuses

Silly
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 10:49 pm

Cpo order / court proceedings before baby is born/ domestic abuses

Postby Silly » Thu May 10, 2018 5:37 pm

Hi not sure what to expect me an my partner of 7 years have had a previous child remove from are care who is under a sgo which has been since 2014 now which the foster carer is currently trying to adopt her we have solicter involved for that matter currently waiting a court date since my child being with the foster carer for 5 years now under sgo we both have seen her 6 years so obusally there isn't much of a bond there.

I am now currently 8 months pregnant with the same partner I myself made la aware of my pregnancy at 3 months of my pregnancy and asked them what was likely to happen as we have had a previous child removed they put us on a child in need plan assessed us and said it would move to a child protection conference because of the la concerns of our previous child being removed an we failed to protect her my partner went to prison also in 2014 and came out 2016 for a fire arms charge he is currently on licence an has to go to probation now were we are at now is that it has moved to my unborn baby being on a child protection plan under neglect and we have meetings every month then when we had our first cp meeting the police brang up that the police had been called two my house twice for me and my partner arguing a neighbour called both times they came saw I was fine so left then la gave me and my partner as final notice letter of things we must do to stop them removing our child we got solicter involved they said they want us to have a physcitrist docter see us to see if we both have any mental health problems and a risk assessment to see if our baby can live with us basicly our matter will be going to court at any time I go in to labour then the court will decied what happens currently I am going to dv groups cause la want me to be aware of what da is we also have to go to parenting groups but that hasent happend yet and a family conference but they still have not put that in place they have not spoke to any of our other family to see we do have support before the baby is born I will note th3y took till I was 7 months pregnant to land all this on us they won't me to go in to a mother and baby unit when I give birth but the court will deciede what happens we still have solicter involved until it goes to court I have fully cooperated with them the whole way in regards to my partner they say our relationship is minimised to them and there very concerned about da in our relationship because of neighbours calling police this call outs have happend since I hav3 been pregnant partly because of all the stress we are both under we both currently live together Idearly I would like us to be a family and be together but I don't no if la trust this as there concerns of da is our relationship what I do not want to happen it gets to me given birth an they turn round and say I haven't separated from.my partner an how would.i keep my baby safe an all that I mean will they at least tell me to make a choice or see if I'm going to leave him and if I don't say u can't keep the baby they haven't told.me to leave him an there currently assessing us as a couple but they seemed to be very concerned what do I expect from all of this?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Cpo order / court proceedings before baby is born/ domestic abuses

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri May 11, 2018 6:03 pm

Dear Silly,

Welcome to the Parents Board. I can see that you and your partner had a previous child removed from you due to domestic violence. You are now expecting your second child together.
Your question is whether the local authority will tell you to make a choice or not about leaving dad, if they know your partner to be dangerous.
They should certainly be open with you. But ask them if you are unsure. Do they think he is still dangerous?

From your post, it seems to me that children services may already be advising you of the dangers they have found. They are assessing your ability to protect your baby. So what is your response to what they are telling you about dad? If you are minimizing his risk, they will be both concerned but should also see what other support you need from domestic violence services.

It is very positive that you are cooperating with children services and you are doing courses about domestic violence. But you cannot do this alone.
If you want to stay with dad, he has to do his bit as well. Has he completed domestic violence courses since the incidents when the police were called?
What is his risk around him being convicted of firearms offence? What are children services saying about this?
If you know that he is not safe, then you need to plan what you can do to keep yourself and baby safe.

Independent domestic violence worker
Do you have a domestic violence worker? If not, ask for one. They can help you with meetings and advise you of your options.
In the worse- case scenario can you go into a refuge or is there other support being offered to you? Ask about housing support?
Here is our leaflet about how to protect yourself from domestic violence.


Your solicitor
Discuss your concerns with your solicitor. S/he will know your case well. What is likely to happen if you stay with dad?

Also ask the solicitor to chase the social worker about the family group conference. If possible, this should be happening now- before baby is born so that there could be a plan of support from family in order to keep baby with you if there is no mother and baby unit. So a relative could supervise and support you at home, to keep baby safe from harm.
Here is our advice sheet about Family Group Conferences.

I hope I have helped. If you have any questions, please post back or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,
Suzie
.

.

Silly
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed May 09, 2018 10:49 pm

Re: Cpo order / court proceedings before baby is born/ domestic abuses

Postby Silly » Fri May 11, 2018 8:28 pm

Hi Susie

Our previous child was removed for another reason as we left her with someone who hurt her so wasn't because of da.

Currently my partner has had a risk assessment by his probation in regards to his fire arms charged an found he is not at risk to the public an he currently dose anger management and relationship work with his probation officer so that's what local authority have advised him to stick to he currently has 2 previous children who he sees regually and unsupervised aswell social service say they are worried in concerns of his anger management because of police being called to our home for us arguing they haven't told me to leave him there just given us all thease courses to go to but still worried if theyl try split us up case I no they might be concerned will argue around the baby.

I think a big deal of it depends on the physciortis we both have to see next week who will way up if he feels we are a risk and have mental health problems as la have asked him to asses us on questions they have put forward to him regarding if he feels we understand why they are concerned about da in our relationship if we both have an personality disorder and if he feels baby can come home or go to a mother and baby.

I have now spoken to my solicter about the family group conference being pushed for word as I need this to happen before baby arrives so they can be aware of what support we have an my own grandad is a social worker so that will be a help to me.

My partner isn't a risk anymore he's done his time in prison come out currently working and trying he's hardest I think we both just need to work on the arguing part which doesn't happen very often but there's a lot of pressure on our relationship with la involvement an we take it out on eachother.

I currently got to dv group have been going for 3 months got couple weeks left till I finish the course just waiting for la to hurry with family group conference and parenting group as this is ment to happen before I go in to labour incase I do come home as la have said they think we need gudiness of parenting because of the aspects of our first child being removed.

Just a bit worried of what's going to happen as I don't no nothing until I give birth which by then I will need to be focusing on the baby not worrying about were me and my baby are going concerned about mother and baby unit aswell as it would just be me and the baby not my partner so they wouldn't be able to bond and I don't no how I would adjust of being watched an not aloud out for normal things and friends and family only seeing me at set times I lived indepently for 5 years.

Kind regards

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2023
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Cpo order / court proceedings before baby is born/ domestic abuses

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon May 21, 2018 2:48 pm

Hi Silly

Thank you for your further post.

You say that your partner’s probation officer has assessed him as being no risk to the public. This assessment is related to a firearms offence and whether he is likely to reoffend. I think you need to understand that the risk children’s services is concerned about relates to safeguarding your baby and you which is not the same as whether your partner will commit another firearms offence.

It is really good that he is attending anger management and relationship work with Probation as this is likely to help him in the way he responds to people generally and in his relationship with you. Your partner has been in prison and, I assume, is out on licence and still the police have been called to your home. This is why children’s services is concerned about what might happen around the baby. You both need to understand and recognise the concerns they have regarding how domestic abuse in your relationship can impact your child. Children are affected emotionally when they are in an environment where there is domestic violence. Research shows that this is the case even with unborn children. There is also the possibility of a child being hurt in the crossfire in a domestic violence situation.

Attending the courses that children’s services have asked you both to do are really important but it is important that you are not simply going through the motions to satisfy children’s services. You both need to engage properly so that you learn about your relationship, triggers for domestic abuse and how to cope with these things. If children’s services think you are only doing the courses but not learning from it this, then their concerns will not change.

The assessment that you are both having with the psychiatrist is for him or her to see whether you are able to care for your baby and fully understand the concerns regarding risk. The psychiatrist will, if necessary, suggest what you both need to do to make your situation better for example, counselling or therapy. He or she could also suggest any support any support that you might need to help you safely parent your baby.

As your grandfather is a social worker, he should be able to advise you about the concerns that children’s services have regarding risk to your baby.

I agree that it is important that the family group conference should take place soon so decisions about support can be made. Have children’s service suggested that you do parenting courses? You could look into doing Triple P parenting courses or ask the social worker to recommend a course for you.

It is important that you concentrate on you and baby if you are asked to go into a residential unit. Unfortunately, because of your partner’s firearms offence it is unlikely he would be allowed into a unit. Your partner needs to take responsibility for himself and show that he has made appropriate changes so he can be around his baby when he or she comes. Your focus should be about protecting your baby rather than worrying about your partner. Children’s services want to know that you can protect your baby and put his or her needs first before yours and your partner’s.

Has children’s services said that they are planning a child protection conference or possible court proceedings. If court proceedings, this cannot happen until after the baby is born. To prevent them going to court you need to show that you are working with them and taking on board the concerns they have.

It might help you to read our advice sheets Child protection procedures and Care (and related) proceedings.
Also, I think you will find our young parents’ website useful regarding how to work with children’s services. The link is here .

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, feel free to telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366.
I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie


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