My partner's a sex offender

[motheroftwo]

I am a mother of a 5 year old boy. I met my current partner on a dating site. We got to know each other over a period of time and would see each other 1-2 a week. After a while he dropped into a conversation that he was a sex offender, he openly told me what he had done. My first thoughts was run, I was scared and disgusted.

However I have continued my relationship and go on to have a child with my partner. We been together 2 years now.

Social care have said I don’t understand the risk my partner poses and that I am not working with them because I didn’t sign the agreement.

I’m here to ask for advice on the forth coming assessment. There is a debate going on between the guardian, social care, my solicitor and my partners solicitor regards to the independent assessor. I am hoping it will be decide soon as this is dragging on to long. So for my questions:
Does anyone recommend an independent assessor so I can look for information and maybe put my opinion in. the names being put forward are by the professionals: lucy faithful and barnados to name a couple but think there was 5 mentioned. Which ones should i avoid?

What question will they be asking regards to me showing that i understand my partners risk?
What advice would you give in like responses to the questions like what are the key points?
Has anyone been in a similar situation and can give me some insight into how social care work how best to deal with them?
What is the likely outcome going to be?

I await your advice. I will keep you all updated in future progress and no doubt ill be seeking more guidance.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear motheroftwo

Welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Forum. My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

I see from your very long post that you are feeling upset and frustrated by your current situation with children’s services involvement with your family.

You are upset by the fact that children’s services have become involved again after your case was closed. However, you no doubt understood that this happened because there was an agreement in place which was working at the time. Unfortunately, it appears that you and your partner decided to do things differently to what you had agreed. This would be a cause of concern for children’s services as they may take the view that your vigilance was no longer there if you thought it appropriate to work on the basis that the case was closed so you did not need follow what you had been asked. I think from your point of view it might have been made clear to you that supervision was still important.

I can understand that this is a very difficult time for you.

It appears from you say that the Guardian is looking at the case as a whole and is supportive of a proper assessment being carried out. You are concerned that there is a suggestion that contact should remain supervised in the contact centre whilst the assessment of your partner is carried out by an independent person. I think you should think very carefully about whether you should challenge this because you do not think it is fair for your partner. The important thing for you is to show that you fully understand the concerns about the possible risk your partner poses. The fact is he is a registered sex offender and children’s services role is to safeguard children and this is the position they are acting from.

The fact that you seem to be more interested in fighting your partner’s corner might be seen by children’s services as you not really understanding or taking on board the concerns they have about risk. I think reading your post, that in your view, your partner has done all he has been asked and he should now be allowed to live with you and your children without further interference from children’s services. However, this is not the case, it is unlikely to be the case for your partner until he has been fully assessed and deemed low or no risk. The fact is he is a registered sex offender with restrictions on his ability to mix with children unsupervised. This is something that he will have whether he is with you or not. Your local authority does not have to accept what was done by a previous authority although it will form a part of what they look at when dealing with their own case. I am sure you understand that different professionals work in different ways which is way people will often ask for a second opinion.

From your point of view, my suggestion is that you engage and cooperate as much as you can with what is asked of you. It seems that your partner is willing to work with what is asked of him from what you say in your post.

Whilst you may not be able to see your partner during the period of supervised contact, difficult though this is for you, you really should try to put the needs of your children before your own need to see your partner. If there is a good outcome to the case then this may not be something you have to worry about. However, if you are seen to be uncooperative and non-engaging, you may not get the outcome you want. Always remember that the children’s welfare is the main consideration for the court in the care proceedings. Please read our advice sheet relating to Care (and related) proceedings.

The Guardian is a very important person in care proceedings and the court will more often than not take account of their recommendations, and his or her role is to ensure that the child’s welfare is considered at all times. It would not be sensible to at this stage oppose the guardian. However, that is your decision and you should discuss this with your legal representatives.

You have mentioned that the Lucy Faithfull Foundation and Barnados have been identified as possible assessors. Both organisation do a lot of work with sex offenders and their families. They also help mothers or others caring for children to learn about protecting a child where sexual offences are involved.

As far as the questions that are likely to be asked you should discuss with your solicitor. You should see a copy of the letter of instructions that will be sent to whoever is doing the assessment so will know the questions being asked. If you wish to speak to someone at Lucy Faithfull about their work their telephone number is 0808 100 0900

If there are any issue that are of concern to you the best way to deal with this is to speak with your solicitor so he or she can clarify things for you.

I hope this is helpful but should you wish to speak to an adviser, you can telephone our free confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 5pm Monday to Friday.

Best wishes

Suzie