Passing assessment to safely supervise my children's contact with their Father recently charged with indecent images.

May12345
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2018 3:03 pm

Passing assessment to safely supervise my children's contact with their Father recently charged with indecent images.

Postby May12345 » Thu Apr 12, 2018 7:58 am

Hello, it has been a very difficult year since June when Police came to seize my husbands laptop and phone. He had been involved in an online chat where the man he had spoken to had been arrested or convicted. My husband had viewed clothed teens and more images were found on his laptop that he was unaware of. Around 200 cat c and 6 b. His solicitor said that these can get over by cached data or viruses and though he is adamant that he doesnt recognise the description of these at all she advised against further forensics as it would hold things up. He was therefore charged with possession of the images. We have had a few SW and our children are on a CPP. I was 7 weeks pregnant when it happened and our life was blown apart completely. It was also 3m after our 8 year old had brain surgery and being pregnant with alot of sickness and meeting the needs of our children including ome with health issues has been a challenge. Our baby was born in Feb and my husband was charged on our 15th wedding anniversary in December. I am 23 years younger than him so this also concerned Childrens services. However he did try to discourage me when we met when I was 17 but I wouldn't let him go. Anyway I am utterly disgusted by his behaviour that initially started with 'normal' porn which i was unaware of. I still see him as a good person who has made some very bad choices and he will never forgive himself for what hes done to our family. The children have had increased anxiety since he left and difficult behaviour was a reaction at first. With alot of input from. School they are slowly acclimatising and contact is now at home supervised by my Mum. She has been an amazing support as has my Dad and some close friends who are aware. I am feeling alot stronger now our baby is born and am trying to look forwards and make small steps. I have been accessing Lucy Faithful from the start as has my husband and I have found many resources on child abuse and protection for children from LF and NSPCC. I am due to begin a Women as protectors course and have hsd teo sessions with a woman from the Special assessment team. She is assessing my Protective parenting. From the start I have ALWAYS made clear my children come first but at the same time my children cry and pray for their Father to come home. The SS want our children to be told more about why Daddys not home. Our eldest son 13 knows the bulk of it but I worry how our 11 year old and 9 year old and 7 year old will react. They have been through so much and 9 year old only recently discharged from camhs and 11 year old suffers from anxiety they have both had school refusal until recently. I dont want this to set them back. The SW feels they need to know for their owm safety even though contact is always supervised. Even my husbands probation officer is worried that telling the kids more will be detrimental and the SW has said it may backfire.... We have no idea if he will be able to come home. He will be on the register for 7 years. My goal is to supervise contact one day my mum isnt getting any younger and though the children have been happier to see Daddy at home its still difficult. The SW talks about me supervising one day and Im aware its a gradual process. However the protective parenting woman seems to think its unrealistic for me to manage the practicalities. I have told her that i see it as supervising my husband and that he will have to be in my sight at all times. What are others experience with this type of situation? Its hard to know what my rights are and I cant access a solicitor unless I pay as there are no court proceedings and no concerns other than what my husband was charged for.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Passing assessment to safely supervise my children's contact with their Father recently charged with indecent images

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Apr 20, 2018 11:34 am

Dear May12345

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board.

I am sorry to read about the difficult year that you have had. From what you have said you are, and have been, working hard to safeguard your children and I can understand why you are worried about setting them back by outlining the reason their father is away from the family home.

However, the social worker is correct in suggesting that your children should be given some information about the reasons their father is not at home. Given the sensitivity of the subject matter it may be useful for you to ask the social worker for guidance about how to deliver such information to children and how to do so in an age appropriate fashion. I suggest too, if you feel comfortable, to ask the social worker to help you to tell the children.

You have said that you have accessed information from Lucy Faithfull and the NSPCC. The NSPCC offer some suggestions about talking to children about difficult topics, I have put a link here. Additionally, as you are about to begin a course, perhaps the facilitator can give you some ideas or guidance about broaching the subject with your children.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes,

Suzie


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