Child Protection Plan and husband's rights

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Joined: Fri Mar 16, 2018 10:38 pm

Child Protection Plan and husband's rights

Post by Stargirl79 » Tue Mar 20, 2018 10:07 pm

In 2004, my husband was arrested for images of under 16's on his computer - we weren't together at that time. My husband has always said that he was recommended a file sharing site by a friend, gave his credit card details and used the site to download music. As it was in the days pre-broadband, he said that he would find users that shared music of interest and would simply download everything because it was quicker that way. As it was a generic file sharing site, it wouldn't just be music that downloaded, so he would then delete anything that he had no interest in. He used the site from 2002-04 and it transpires that in total 150 photos downloaded of under 16 year olds.
Naturally he admitted to it but he has always said that he didn't download the photos intentionally and when he realised there were photos, he thought, sh*t and deleted them.

I spoke to friends about it and they said that they used to do exactly the same and I know my ex did the same too. Last month and we get a knock on the door at 1:30am. It's the Police and an out of hours person from child services, because they've heard that we have a son. We weren't aware that they needed to know, if we had of known, we would have told them at the time - especially as we have a miscarriage history. He was asked to leave the family home and have no unsupervised visits with our toddler until the investigation was complete.

2.5 weeks into the investigation and my husband is arrested again. It's come to light that last year he had made up a conversation with someone online to say that he had done something. The Police have confirmed that the story was made up but they have seized all electrical items. I can't believe that he did it but he said that he did it to see if he really was the evil person that people had said that he is because over the past 14 years, he has constantly received abuse about it and started to question whether that was really him. My husband has suffered mental health issues and the incident from all those years ago ruined his life and changed him.

Fast forward to now. We had a child protection conference last week and we are now part of a CPP. The concern is that I don't take what happened seriously, of course I do. I have friends that have suffered sexual abuse and I was attacked as a teenager - nothing too serious but it shook me enough to report it to the Police, so I fully understand the seriousness of protecting my toddler.

I strongly believe that my husband would never harm our toddler, nor any other child. He is extremely remorseful and doing all that he can to get help, including speaking to the Lucy Faithful Foundation (and so am I) and getting counselling for mental health.

At the CPP, it was recommended that whilst the Police Investigation is ongoing, we are still both risk-assessed and also I prove that I can safeguard our son.

Currently husband isn't allowed to see our son, no pictures, phone calls or anything.

What can I do to prove that I will do anything to protect my son and that he is my number one priority? What will the risk-assessments entail? Ultimately, and you might think that I am crazy, I would like to be a family unit again.

Thank you. Any other words of wisdom, would be gratefully appreciated.

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Joined: Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:14 pm

Re: Child Protection Plan and husband's rights

Post by Foreigner » Wed Mar 21, 2018 1:10 am

Dear Stargirl79,

“What can I do to prove that I will do anything to protect my son and that he is my number one priority?” - this is a million dollars question!

I am in a similar situation so my advice is - work with children services, admit and also accept that regardless of what you think because of what he has done he is a risk (no matter how small) to children including your own, start seeing a psychotherapist yourself, do the course with the Lucy Faithfull (I can’t praise them enough) and also create a family safety plan.
These are all the things that I have done. And had I not changed the borough I live at I believe I would have been allowed to reunite my family by now. But it’s been nearly a year and things haven’t changed. So DO NOT change your borough because changing social workers put you back from the start.
Good luck.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Child Protection Plan and husband's rights

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Mar 21, 2018 4:42 pm

Dear Stargirl79,

Welcome to the Parents Board. I can see that Foreigner has given you sound advice and that you are already engaging with resources at the Lucy Faithfull Foundation. Let the social worker know this.

It is not clear to me what the police are investigating at the moment. Are they concerned that your partner was grooming a child on line?
Your partner is not allowed to have any kind of contact with your son (not even supervised) so what was the story he made up?

If it is not clear to you, what it is your partner is alleged to have done, you should ask for full disclosure from the police/ children services about their concerns.

Apart from accessing the support at the Lucy Faithfull Foundation, my main advice to you would be to work as best as you can to the child protection plan. This is a compulsory plan in that if you breached it, for example, by allowing your partner some form of contact with your son, then it is possible that the case could be escalated to court proceedings.

If your partner was to do something that breached the plan, you would also be expected to tell the social worker or another professional this. This would be evidence that you were putting your son’s safety above your needs.

Here is our advice sheet about Child protection procedures and FAQ’s .

I think it might be helpful if you also ask about timescales for assessments. How long will it take for the police to complete their forensic examination of the computers? If it is going to take months, what can you do in the meantime? Are children services starting work with you around how to protect your son? If so, how long will this be?

Do you have family and friends support? Is there anyone who knows about the concerns who can be involved –to give you support? If so you could ask for a family group conference. here is our advice sheet about Family Group Conferences.

I have only given you some pointers but if you have any questions please post back or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366 for support.

Best wishes,


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