Social services involvement

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Social services involvement

Post by Woody1991 » Tue Feb 20, 2018 5:41 pm

This is going to be an extremely long one but i am hoping to get some advice.

Monday, three weeks ago i was pulled into the headteachers office and informed my daughter (9) had told her councellor i hit her and a referal to social services had been made 2 weeks ago. He had spoke to s.s told them my children have fantastic attendance, always clean and presentable, me and the school have a great relationship and he really did not feel there was any reason to be concerned, so they asked him to inform me they would be calling me. (The councellor isnt a member of school staff and works for a charity organisation that goes into schools, the reason she had councelling is because a while ago she was bullied at school and it emotionally effected her so thought it would be good for her to talk to someone) i told the headteacher exactly what happened, it was far from a hit, it was a slight tap on her hand after every other means had been taken, like sending her to her room and removing her possessions. After explaining to her why she was being told off she still chose to act the way she was and her attitude was disgusting so i tapped her hand and walked out her room. After a while i went back into her, once again explained her behaviour and attitude was unacceptable, she could now see what she was doing was wrong, apologised to me for it and i apologised to her. 

Anyway on the same day the duty central team called me, i explained to the man the same as what i told the headteacher and he seemed happy with my explanation telling me it was used as reasonable punishment no marks were made etc. Then he starting bringing my son into the conversation, saying he has seen he has severe special needs, i started to get a bit suspicious of this phone call afterall the referal was made just about my daughter there was no need to bring my son into it. I explained my son was now in a specialist school receiving the right amount of support therefore there are no current problems with him. So then he moves onto my youngest son and asking me about the difficulties he is having at school. I asked him how he had been informed of those difficulties to which he informed me he could see a referal went into early years help (when he was 2 and no support was offered he is now 5 this to me would indicate there had been a problem in the past and it did not mean there was a current problem) but he talked in a way he knew there was difficulties now. I informed him my son was under a waiting list for assessment for Autism however i feel like i am coping overall with his difficulties. After this he told me he would like to pass it on to my local s.s so they could do assessment. I didn't want to argue afterall i have nothing to hide so agreed.

2 days later i received a text message from the team manager saying he had received my referal and he didnt feel like they needed to get involved but asked me to call him so we could discuss it. I called him, once again explained myself over my daughter and he told me he wasnt concerned and in fact would be a waste of expensive resources sending out someone to assess me when there is no concern. Not even an hour later he called me back and informed me he had looked into my file some more ( my children were on a child protection plan 4 years back due to a violent relationship, however the case was closed, there was never any concerns over my parenting, i left the violent relationship & moved on with my life) i told him i felt it was a bit unfair still being judged on something that happened years ago. He then brought my sons into it and said it must be stressful dealing with two 'difficult' children (one of which isnt difficult, he just has speech problems and can't talk) Once again i explained to him like i did the duty officer i have a supportive network and if he read through my files he would have known that, and that if i ever felt like i needed support i know where to access it. He went onto say i was within my rights to refuse their help, to which i told him politely i was grateful for their offer but i am coping perfectly fine so wouldnt need it. He then pretty much said it doesnt matter what i said he was still sending someone in to see me. 

fast forward three weeks and i haven't heard a word from them, until today when a social worker turned up on my doorstep. I politely told her i haven't had any phone calls informing me of this visit and it was not a convenient time for me or my children. She informed me she has tried calling at least 6 times, and had no answer (i have had no missed calls or even voicemails). She agreed to come back and a time and day more suitable for me. However i asked her why she was here, as far as i was concerned her manager was more than happy to not be involved and the next minute changed his mind based on my son's who weren't even part of the initial concerns. She informed me she has to do an investigation and talk to all three of my children.. now my question is can i refuse to allow them to talk to my sons. Truthfully i have nothing to hide and i am more than happy for them to talk to my daughter about the allegation made about her, but like i said the initial concern was never about my son's, social just seem to be concerned about the fact one of them has special needs and the other has behavioural difficulties, and in all honesty i can't see why the need is to speak to them.

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Re: Social services involvement

Post by PerfectlySafeDad » Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:13 pm

The incompetence and disruption is unbelievable. I wish you luck with these people. If you refuse 'support' on the grounds you don't need it, you'll be labelled a 'risk'. If you accept support, you'll be in effect admitting you're a 'risk' and you'll receive nothing but bureaucracy, disruption and stress, with the constant danger of their involvement escalating as one mal-informed social worker after another gets involved. Somebody with influence please start calling out this scandal of Britain's social services.

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Re: Social services involvement

Post by Woody1991 » Thu Feb 22, 2018 11:15 am

Thank you. It's just annoying as in the past they have had plenty of opportunities to offer me support, like i said they were on a child protection and around that time was when my son's learning difficulties started to be noticed. They offered no help then. When we was applying for his educational, health and care plan, they had to name a social worker on it, i never once met her or spoke her but on her notes for the plan it states, no concerns, no involvement needed. I have had to fight very hard for that little boy on getting him the right support for his needs, and now i have done that, they think they have the right to come in concerned about his needs.

So really i can't win.? Accept the help = me admitting i am struggling and a risk, don't accept the help = i am still labelled a risk?

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Social services involvement

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Feb 26, 2018 6:37 pm

Dear Woody 1991

Welcome to the parents discussion board.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group.

From your post you are very upset that children’s services (new name for social services) appear to have concerns about your sons when there was no referral made about them by anyone. Further, it was your understanding that the referral made regarding your daughter by her school has not really been a concern for children’s services following your initial conversations.

Your concern now appear to relate to children’s services wishing to become involved with your family because of your sons who have all the support for their respective needs. Whilst I can understand your concerns that children’s services are looking for things to be concerned about when none exist, it may be that because of the incident with your daughter and the fact that your sons have additional needs they want to discuss with you whether you need any additional support. It may be that their failure to act in the past is the reason they want to be involved now.

I am including here a copy of our advice sheet which explains what happen when children services receive a referral. Although a referral might be received about one child in the family if there are other children then they have to be considered as well. It might well be that once a social worker has had an opportunity to meet with you and your children the matter will not go any further and the case closed.

However, it is possible that the social worker may take the view that a child in need assessment is necessary. This would involve looking at the children’s needs and whether any additional support should be provided. Children with disabilities are considered to be children in need. Any support offered by children’s services would be voluntary. This means that you would not have to accept support from them but you would need to ensure that you have the same or similar support to meet the child or children’s needs as identified by children’s services. Please see our advice sheet about family support for more information.

If you refuse the support offered and do not have alternatives in place, then children’s services could decide to escalate their investigation from child in need to child protection. This will of course depend on the outcome of their investigations.

You say in your post you are happy for them to speak to your daughter about the referral that is good but if the social worker is carrying out enquiries/investigations he or she will want to speak with all the children and, my suggestion is that it would be better to allow this than not. The conversation with the children should be age appropriate and, if you believe your sons especially need to know that you are nearby, you can ask that the social worker see them at home where you can be in another room. If at school, then ask for a teacher who your children know to be there.

As stated above, children’s services may simply want to be sure that your son’s needs are being met and no further support needed because of their particular needs. If the investigation shows all is well the likelihood is that the case will go no further.

I do not think accepting support from children's services if needed means you are not coping or a risk to your children. They are there to help although often most people do not think this is their role. They have a duty to ensure children are looked after safely and this includes providing support where it is needed.

Should you wish to discuss your concerns with an adviser, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3om Monday to Friday.

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes


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Re: Social services involvement

Post by Goodmum73 » Tue Mar 13, 2018 9:55 pm

I'm sorry you've been treated like this.
I believe that they are suspicious because of your past. Is s horrible feeling to be judged by I have had that since the birth of my baby almost 2 years ago. We are goodelighted parents but terrible together.
I don't want to dishearten you but admit anything you've done. Offer to do a parenting course. There are lots around they're free and good.
Just be Cooperative but don't really trust them with your emotions. Be detached and maybe try not using any kind of reprimand with your child as it can escalate especially under stress. You have alot to deal with it seems.
if you do need emotional support ask your GP for counseling it will be as a positive. Never get angry or you will be labeled as emotionally DISREGULATED.
Being under investigation is a living nightmare like being in North Korea and you are an enemy oh the state. We both got sent for psychological assessments like criminals. The ss said I had a personality disorder and I had to get assessed to prove I didn't!! My ex husband had sided with them to help him get more childcare time. He has refused to mediate and never really communicated. I just can't trust him unfortunately. He calls the police if I swear etc. Its very manipulative.
If you're prone to stress and self criticism Lee me or seems to make things worse.
The problem with the system is it looks for the weakness or the liability in their business case. Then they focus on eliminating the non preferred parent.
Everyone is tarred with the same brush because the system is inflexible and designed to prevent horrendous child abuse.

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Re: Social services involvement

Post by Goodmum73 » Tue Mar 13, 2018 10:04 pm

PerfectlySafeDad wrote:The incompetence and disruption is unbelievable. I wish you luck with these people. If you refuse 'support' on the grounds you don't need it, you'll be labelled a 'risk'. If you accept support, you'll be in effect admitting you're a 'risk' and you'll receive nothing but bureaucracy, disruption and stress, with the constant danger of their involvement escalating as one mal-informed social worker after another gets involved. Somebody with influence please start calling out this scandal of Britain's social services.
Well said. Escalating...going down then up again. They have no idea how to handle dysfunctional relationship in the parents they just want to blame them and claim the kids are suffering. We're divorced and yet still complaining we don't get on.
Having my new baby labeled a victim of emotional child abuse and a child in need or under protection is the nastiest thing ever. It's truly dehumanising.
Its an absolute nightmare my son is becoming more and more aware of the house checkers . Im sorry but to me they are a threat they are just child takers who want to reassign my happy kids like pieces in a chess game

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