will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

A123
Posts: 17
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:40 pm

will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby A123 » Wed Jan 31, 2018 11:28 pm

i have a meeting with my new social worker tomorrow (1/1/18) I've never met her as im in a new area, they took my last child off me last year and im currently 23+3 days pregnant after a one night thing, im worried they will not let me bring this baby home as my youngest was placed with my mother following discharge from hospital and is not with someone else, she was coming home until i had a car accident and didn'y know that the driver had a previous DV charge on him an i was accused of being in a relationship with him without any proof, so now im pregnant i no the father and i have told him but he's trying to say hes had the snip which is fine by me one less worry but when my daughters social worker found out she enjoyed trying to call me a lier saying i had not told my midwife about my other 3 children being removed and she was all to happy to say well i will be informing them, i have numerous issues with her during the court case where she went as far as giving my abusive ex partner my new address and is not taking responsibility for doing so, her manager actually told me yesterday in a complaints meeting if i want to feel safe in my own home to contact women's aid (i come out of a womens refuge last january) im paniking about this meeting with the new social worker as i don't know if they will let me keep the baby, i've already got most things just need bedroom furniture but don't want to buy anything else until i no i can bring my baby home, i don't go out of the house unless i take my mother so i cannot be accused of doing things which i haven't done ( my ex has accused my of assault so waiting for cps to drop charges), i seen my CPN regulary where my mental health has remained stable for the last 2.5 years now im not medicated, there are no concerns any longer with my oldests social worker i see them regularly (they live with my mother) i haven't been in a relationship since october 2016, ive not been asked to do any courses for social services although im doing the freedom programme, i've just finished a healthy food in pregnancy course, i have attended all my ante natal appointments i don't know what else they expect from me i spend 6 days a week over with my mother during the day.

i hope this makes sense to someone lol

k1212
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby k1212 » Fri Feb 02, 2018 6:27 pm

Hello, i dont have any advice for you but i hope it all works out. My little girl lives with her dad and i long to be a mum again but the fear of ss removing my child at birth frightens me too much. Hope your ok xx

A123
Posts: 17
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:40 pm

Re: will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby A123 » Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:34 pm

hi k1212
im starting to feel like i shouldn't have become a mother this is pregnancy number 4 and ive had all 3 removed the last one from birth all due to 2 abusive relationships i feel like im being punished, this time the circumstances are totally different although i doubt they will let me keep my baby, they are going to look at my previous files because of different local authorities and look to see if there are any changes although i have told them everything they are coming back out monday so i should have a better picture of the plan i no it will be a CP planning meeting and possibly PLO I just can't keep fighting them anymore to prove i can protect my child

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Feb 09, 2018 6:01 pm

Dear A123

Thank you for your further post. I am sorry that it has taken a while to respond to you due to volume of work..

As you have already had children removed from your care because you have previously had domestic violence in your relationship this is a concern for you. You are feeling so worried about what is likely to happen now you are nearly 24 weeks pregnant.

With this new pregnancy which you state followed a one night ‘thing’, you are feeling very concerned about what is likely to happen. I suggest you read our frequently asked questions about what can happen when pregnant and you have had previous children removed. If the father of your unborn child does not accept he is the father of your child, I think a DNA test might be necessary once the baby comes to find out whether or not he is the biological father.

Children’s services should consider your current circumstances and assess you based on where you are now and what changes you have made in your life. You may not agree, but they will consider the past history as part of any assessment as it cannot be disregarded but be used to inform what they do now. Read about child protection procedures for more information.

It is unfortunate that you did not inform the midwife of the removal of your other children as this could be seen as you trying to mislead professionals. Although I can understand why you might not have wanted to tell, it is important that from now on you work openly and honestly with children’s services as this is the best way.

Regarding disclosure of your personal information, you can make a complaint to children’s services about this. Ask the social worker for their complaints procedure you can also read our advice sheet about challenging decisions and making a complaint. You may also wish to make contact with the Information Commissioner’s Office for advice about data protection.

Children’s services is likely to arrange a pre-birth conference to consider if your unborn child should be placed on a child protection plan and the arrangements to be made once baby arrives. At the moment this is as much as can happen regarding the baby as children’s services cannot start court proceedings until the baby arrives. You should, however, do all that is asked of your by children’s services who will want to carry out assessments of you to find out whether it would be possible for your baby to remain in your care.

You say you are completing a freedom programme is this with Women’s Aid, it might also be helpful to contact them to see what other support they can provide for you around domestic abusive/violent relationships. It is important that children’s services consider that you are not vulnerable and at risk of going into another abusive relationship. Please read information about domestic violence and children's services expectations.

It is good that your mental health has remained stable over the last two and a half years, so continue to work with your local mental health services to keep yourself well. Ask the social worker what is expected of you and explain that you want to do whatever is best for your baby to keep him or her safe.

You are doing very well from what you say in your post, so continue attending all appointments and keeping yourself healthy in your pregnancy.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, do telephone our free, confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

k1212
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby k1212 » Tue Mar 20, 2018 1:43 pm

any updates? how are doing? xx

A123
Posts: 17
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:40 pm

Re: will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby A123 » Thu Mar 22, 2018 3:53 pm

social worker has been out 3 times im currently 30 weeks pregnant with a few complcations so the midwife has told the social worker that there is a chance baby could be prem so we need a plan so waiting to go for conference but been told they will look at another section 76 which is foster care, whilst out last week the social worker was asking about the father and i told her it was just a one night thing her response was oh well you must be really fertile then proceeded to tell me i still have feelings for my 20 month olds father after he was abusive as we have 2 children together even though i have clearly told her from the beginning i dont care about him or what he does (previous social worker disclosed my address to him and hes now out of prison) then i got moaned at because i have not told anyone i am pregnant only professionals (don't have a bump) so now apparently i have no support and im issolated because i don't go out i have never been one for goin out since i was a child so nothing new, my CPN has given a positive report on my mental health and how stable its been given the stress im under, i am still doing really good with my degree when i don't think the social worker is happy about even though its distance learning i dont have any contact with any males apart from my brother i have even said i would install cctv cameras in my house to prove i don't have people here but they still saying i am likely to be having contact with men other ways concidering i dont go out unless i have appointments and if i go shopping i take my mother incase im accused of doing things.
due to a bad car accident last year i had my bed downstairs for a few months asi could not manage the stairs well the last time the social worker come out she asked to look up stairs so i explained that now that the decorating downstairs was done i can start on upstairs so she asked if i was sleeping upstairs i was like yeah i sleep up here every night my bed has been upstairs since end of last year and i had just put the bedding in the wash so bed was stripped im sure she only wanted to check if i had someone in the house or there was evidence of someone else as next door was playing loud music so not sure if she thought it was coming from upstairs as she has never asked to go up before. then she was saying that there is a concern about me being able to build an atttchment to the baby i had pnd on my 1st nothing on my 2nd and well my 3rd doesn't even feel like mine because shes never been home and has no idea im her mother as she calls the person shes with mam.
i just want to be able to bring my baby out of hospital which is looking unlikely and i no once this baby goes to foster care it will be hard to get her home im so tempted to just go for adoption to save myself the heartache and pain again

k1212
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby k1212 » Mon Mar 26, 2018 12:48 pm

My heart breaks for you it really does, is there no way u can go in a mother and baby unit? or live in a foster home with your baby together, iv spoken to a few people that have been given that option and theyre watched all the time and have to do assesments it doesnt sound nice but a few pf them have managed to come out with their babies. Praying for you and your babies xxx

A123
Posts: 17
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:40 pm

Re: will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby A123 » Mon Apr 02, 2018 7:10 pm

I was given a new social worker last week who basically said her job is to keep families together, I told her the other social worker had only been out twice which meant the pre birth assessment hasnt been completed as the new social worker said they get involved usually at around 16 weeks I first met my old sw at 24 weeks (ish) so the new sw is going to get a conference arranged before im 35 weeks and is putting all support services in place that will include stuff around parenting and she is asking if women's aid will do the freedom program on a one to one with me as I started it a few back but due to pregnancy complications and the day the program is on is the day I see my consultant so had to stop going, I have offered to go in a mother and baby uni or foster placement but because of funding wales don't like to send parents or something where as if I lived in England they would happily pay for it, so based on the new social worker who thinks the reasons behind my relationship pattern is to do with my childhood which I agree with and no other social worker has looked at it before or given me support I feel slightly more positive im still attending all antenatal appointments (1 consultant and 3 different midwives inc my community one lol) and attending hospital twice a week for monitoring and seeing my cpn there are a lot of positives according to the new sw who ive told im happy to do any courses or things to help me keep this baby and bring her home, the sw seemed positive when she left she was straight to the point I told her im afraid of being asked to sign a section 76 for fostering but she talked through what would have to happen before to get to that point so hopefully I can just be a mother which the sw said she can tell thats all I want to do after just one visit so hopefully it will all be a positive experience of children's services this time x

k1212
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jan 23, 2018 2:50 pm

Re: will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby k1212 » Tue Apr 03, 2018 10:06 am

wow thats lovely to read and sounds so positive, keep your head up your doing everything right im so happy for you i hope everything works out xxx

A123
Posts: 17
Joined: Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:40 pm

Re: will i ever be allowed to keep my baby

Postby A123 » Tue Apr 03, 2018 2:29 pm

Thanks although panicking now as might be having the baby very soon due to lack of growth and no plan with children's services will keep you updated x


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