Will they let me take my baby home?

[Anonymousse]

Hi,

I need some advice about my situation. I have 3 children aged 15 and 10 and 8. I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant with my fourth child.

My children currently live with their dad after social services got involved and then our case went to court. I am able to see the children every weekend but it has to be supervised by my mum or Dad.

The reason social services got involved was because I started a relationship with a new man who was known to them as his children had been removed and because he and his ex partner used to fight a lot. I was very silly and let him be around the children even after being told not to, because of this they said I was a risk to the children as well and I couldn’t put their needs first. At this time I was also struggling with some drink/drug issues. Nothing hard (not heroin or anything) I just needed something to help me get through a really tough time. The drugs have stopped now and obviously i’m not drinking as i’m expecting.

After this me and my partner went through a bad patch and there were a few problems with us drinking too much and arguing. I think we both struggled with being told we weren’t allowed to have the kids back. After one argument we had a fight, the police got involved and basically my partner got arrested. I was also arrested and but did not serve prison time. He only served 2 months in prison and things have been fine since. We have both changed for the better. This was about a year ago.

Now i’m pregnant and i’m worried that social services might not let us raise the baby together as a family or might not want me to bring the baby home. My partner sees 1 of his children unsupervised and the others don’t want to see him (they’ve been turned against him by their mum) and obviously I still see my kids supervised. My older kids Dad does try to cause problems and say that I am not doing what’s best for them and things but I still see them regularly and almost never miss contact. My kids love spending time with me.

Has anyone been in this situation? Will they let me keep this baby? What steps will they take and what will they expect me to do?

Thanks for any help.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Anonymousse

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Board.

I am sorry to hear that you are worried that Children’s Services will remove your child from you when she or he is born. If you have not already informed Children’s Services that you are expecting (or if your midwife has not) please do so. They will want to meet you and will undertake an assessment of your ability to meet your baby’s needs. You may find that you may have to evidence the fact that you are not misusing drugs or alcohol too.

In relation to your partner, Children’s Services will focus on the ‘risks’ that domestic violence may pose to your unborn baby. I understand that you have said that this part of your relationship has been resolved but you may need to prove this especially because of historical domestic violence in your partner’s previous relationship.

You and your partner may have attended domestic violence intervention courses or you may have undertaken a Freedom Programme at your local women’s aid service provider, this is the type of evidence you can provide to the social worker to show that you both have addressed the issue of domestic abuse. However, Children’s Services may at some point ask your partner to move away from the family home whilst assessments are being carried out. If this happens do ask for timeframes and a written agreement and do stick to any agreement you make. Sticking to an agreement will help you prove that you have changed.

You ask what Children’s Services will expect from you, the answer is ‘a great deal’ as you will have to prove that you can meet your baby’s needs and keep her or him safe from any ‘harm’. I am sorry to describe it this way, if you would like to talk through your concerns in detail and in confidence, please call our advice service and we can discuss your particular situation in more detail. Our advice line is open Monday to Friday, 9.30am-3.00pm, on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes

Suzie