Married to a sex offender worried how this is going to affect our grand children
Posted: Tue Jan 02, 2018 6:26 pm
I will apologise in advance as this my be a long post. I have been married for 17 years Nov 2005 my husband was removed from the family home for down loading child pornography. In Sept 2006 he received a suspended sentence and probation. Part of the conditions of his probation was to complete a sex offenders course which he did. We as a family completed the family assessment and both were assessed by a forensic psychologist, once he had met with us both he concluded that the children were not at risk of grooming if they were allowed to visit the park alone with him, especially our son as he was the only real male figure in his life, although social services would not agree to this.
I completed keep safe work with our 5 children and contact with their father was supervised in the local contact centre, they later agreed that I was a protective factor and although I would not leave my husband I agreed to not move him back into my family Home but they agreed that I could have contact at home with their father, I always felt that it was important For the children to have a relationship with their father because it nearly broke them all when he had to leave the professionals involved with them said that they were grieving for a man that was not dead so they needed him as much as he needed them.
It has been 12 years now my husband has never reoffended and has completed his time on the register (7 years) his mappa officer visited regularly and when he had finished he asked both me and my husband when he was returning home, my husband explained that he was not allowed to return home until the children were older, he was told that he was being removed from the register because he was no longer a risk. My husband has done a great deal of work around the abuse that he suffered as a child from his mother and the many men in her life that sexually abused him and in the social services reports it was stated that they felt there was some unanswered questions in his past as a child that had led him down that path.
Anyway my question is I now have grand children that see there grand Dad and again same rules I still supervise as I didn’t want that pressure put on my children social services have not been involved with me and my family for 8 years we have always managed contact And the older children know why it is the way it is and they still want their dad in their lives and their children. I’m just worried how this will affect our children and our grandchildren I have managed it for many years which obviously has been emotionally draining on me and I never really wanted that for the children but I know as they get older that may be the case. My time under social services was incredibly stressful and not sure now looking back how we even came through it but we did. My eldest grand child is 3 and so far no involvement from any social workers as they know I’m managing this currently. I remember asking the forensic psychologist how it would effect the children and the grand children as they grow up and he felt that it should not effect younger generations and probation and mappa very much agreed that he was no longer a risk once he was removed from the register. But I’m not a stupid women I am a professional lady that has a high level of safeguarding training working with some very vulnerable families myself and I don’t believe it just stops. My husband still lives alone and I live in the family home with the children at some point we would like to resume our marriage obviously under the conditions that he does not reoffend but the closer it is getting the more I worry about things.
Thank you in advance for any advice it has been a very long road and I don’t regret a thing but has made my self very isolated and never really spoke about so you could imagine how I felt when I found this forum and reading some of the threads finding out that I’m not the only one.
I completed keep safe work with our 5 children and contact with their father was supervised in the local contact centre, they later agreed that I was a protective factor and although I would not leave my husband I agreed to not move him back into my family Home but they agreed that I could have contact at home with their father, I always felt that it was important For the children to have a relationship with their father because it nearly broke them all when he had to leave the professionals involved with them said that they were grieving for a man that was not dead so they needed him as much as he needed them.
It has been 12 years now my husband has never reoffended and has completed his time on the register (7 years) his mappa officer visited regularly and when he had finished he asked both me and my husband when he was returning home, my husband explained that he was not allowed to return home until the children were older, he was told that he was being removed from the register because he was no longer a risk. My husband has done a great deal of work around the abuse that he suffered as a child from his mother and the many men in her life that sexually abused him and in the social services reports it was stated that they felt there was some unanswered questions in his past as a child that had led him down that path.
Anyway my question is I now have grand children that see there grand Dad and again same rules I still supervise as I didn’t want that pressure put on my children social services have not been involved with me and my family for 8 years we have always managed contact And the older children know why it is the way it is and they still want their dad in their lives and their children. I’m just worried how this will affect our children and our grandchildren I have managed it for many years which obviously has been emotionally draining on me and I never really wanted that for the children but I know as they get older that may be the case. My time under social services was incredibly stressful and not sure now looking back how we even came through it but we did. My eldest grand child is 3 and so far no involvement from any social workers as they know I’m managing this currently. I remember asking the forensic psychologist how it would effect the children and the grand children as they grow up and he felt that it should not effect younger generations and probation and mappa very much agreed that he was no longer a risk once he was removed from the register. But I’m not a stupid women I am a professional lady that has a high level of safeguarding training working with some very vulnerable families myself and I don’t believe it just stops. My husband still lives alone and I live in the family home with the children at some point we would like to resume our marriage obviously under the conditions that he does not reoffend but the closer it is getting the more I worry about things.
Thank you in advance for any advice it has been a very long road and I don’t regret a thing but has made my self very isolated and never really spoke about so you could imagine how I felt when I found this forum and reading some of the threads finding out that I’m not the only one.